Not Another Ridiculous Fanfic!


	"Xellos, what's the real title of this?"
	"That, Lina... is a secret."
	"I should have known."

***

	Keiichi stuck a cigarette in his mouth and dialed the phone 
with his other hand, pissed that his sempai had forced him to watch 
the dorm and take messages.
	"Hello, Goddess Helpline.  How may I help you?"
	Keiichi quickly hung up the phone, feeling a vague 
premonition of disaster coming his way.
	"How rude," said the same voice from somewhere behind 
him, "And you should know that smoking is bad for your health.  It 
seems to have already stunted your growth."
	Keiichi spun around, the cigarette falling from his mouth in 
surprise.  A young woman now stood in his room where he was 
sure there hadn't been anyone a minute ago.  She wore a long 
flowing kimono and had her purple hair tied up in...  Wait a 
minute.  Purple hair?
	"You're Aeka from Tenchi Muyo, aren't you?"
	Aeka inclined her head in acknowledgment.  "Though 
you're being awfully familiar considering we've just met.  I suppose 
that's just my charm," she told him, and laughed softly into her 
hand.
	Keiichi shuddered.  He knew a girl who laughed like that 
and it always creeped him out.  "What I'm trying to say is that this 
is 'Oh My Goddess.'  You're in the wrong series."
	"Oh, no, you're the one who has it wrong, Keiichi-san," 
Aeka corrected him, "The author is writing a fusion, so you see 
everything is perfectly all right."
	"Aren't we supposed to avoid talking about things like that 
in a fanfic?  I mean, the fourth wall and all."
	"Not to worry, Keiichi-san," she told him with a smile.  
"Since this work of fanfiction will be somewhat silly, such 
concerns have been waved for the duration."
	"Okay, okay, I've got you," Keiichi replied as he sat down 
and tried to sort this out in his mind.  "So do I wish for the same 
thing as before, or can I wish for anything I want?"
	Aeka pulled out a scroll from one of her sleeves.  She 
opened it and read quickly before replying.  "It says here that you 
can wish for anything you like, except something that would wish 
for other characters from Oh My Goddess to appear."
	Keiichi frowned.  "You mean I can't just wish for Belldandy 
then?"
	Aeka put the scroll away and shrugged.  "And I'd much 
rather be answering the wishes of Tenchi than to be stuck here. 
Who knows what that witch Ryoko could be up to while I'm 
gone?"
	While Aeka fumed, the phone rang.  Keiichi answered it 
and suddenly his eyes opened wide in shock.  "It's for you," he told 
the prin... goddess nervously, handing her the phone.
	"Who is it?" she asked in confusion.
	"The author."
	"Oh," Aeka replied and answered the phone.  Immediately, 
she began to smile.  "Yes, I see, that is good news.  Good-bye."
	She hung up the phone and handed it back to Keiichi, who 
stared at her in surprise.
	"What did he have to say?" Keiichi asked slowly.
	Aeka continued to grin.  "Well, it seems that Tenchi is 
currently in a crossover himself so Ryoko couldn't do anything 
even if she wanted to.  Ohohohoho!!"
	Keiichi shielded his ears from the horrible sound.
	"So you may take your time in choosing your wish," Aeka 
told him as she made herself comfortable.  "With no Tenchi to 
return to, I'm in no rush to go home.  I'd be doing nothing but 
house chores and watching daytime TV anyway."
	Keiichi was only just starting to relax a bit when he heard a 
sound outside of his room that made him freeze in fear.  It was the 
sound of many footsteps, growing closer.
	"Wait another minute," he said, his voice clearly confused.  
"If we're still following the original manga, that means that my 
dorm mates are coming to kick both of us out, but you said no 
more Oh My Goddess characters would be appearing in this."
	Aeka shook her head, not seeming alarmed in the least.  "I 
said that you couldn't wish for more OMG characters to appear.  I 
said nothing about them appearing on their own."
	As the mob burst in, gathered up the two of them along 
with most of Keiichi's stuff, and tossed them out to the street, 
Keiichi shouted, "Well, I hope you have a place for us to live 
then!"
	"Not to worry, Keiichi-san," Aeka said confidently as she 
stood and glanced somewhat distastefully at her surroundings.  "I 
borrowed the pet of a friend who will be able to provide everything 
we shall need."
	"Don't tell me Ryo-oki can turn into a house now," Keiichi 
remarked as he began to stack the boxes containing his belongings 
into a easy to carry arrangement, though it didn't look entirely 
possible.  Why did he have such a huge anime collection all of the 
sudden?
	"That could be useful. I must suggest that to Washu one of 
these days," Aeka remarked, tapping her chin with one finger.  
"No, I couldn't bring Ryo-oki.  The author couldn't afford the 
carrots she wanted.  But I do have this."
	With that, Aeka spun around to face him once again, 
though now her once-empty arms held a fat rabbit-looking thing 
with a red jewel on its forehead.
	"Pu!" the overweight bunny greeted Keiichi with a wave of 
its ears.
	"Wow, Mokana from Rayearth!" Keiichi shouted, starting 
to feel better about the whole situation.  "You can make a house 
appear out of nothing, can't you?"
	"Pu!" Mokana agreed, then shot a beam from his head at 
Keiichi's belongings, which suddenly vanished.
	"So you're going to carry my stuff for me, eh?" Keiichi told 
the rabbit with a smile.  "Thanks, Mokana!"  He even gave the 
bunny a friendly pat in the head, which it accepted with a grin.
	Soon they were all ready to go; Keiichi on his motorcycle, 
Aeka in the newly-repaired side-car, and Mokana in her arms.
	"Where to, Aeka-sama?" Keiichi asked the princess turned 
goddess with a cheerful smile.  Sure, he'd rather be with Belldandy, 
but this wasn't turning out to be quite as bad as he first thought 
either.
	"Pu! Pu! Pu! Pu! Pu! Pu? Pu? Pu? Pu?"
	Keiichi only stared at the fat rabbit in puzzlement.
	Aeka translated.  "He said 'Where would you like to go?  
Rostaria?  Nerima? Sailoon?'"
	Keiichi violently shook his head.  He wanted to avoid 
danger as much as possible.  "How about some nice, safe place 
where we can relax and avoid trouble?"
	"Pu."
	"All right, if that's what you want," Aeka translated again.  
"Take a left when leaving the parking lot.  Go down that road until 
you hit the fourth intersection, then you want to hang a right, go 
down two blocks, take a left then a right, then follow that road until 
I tell you."
	"How were you able to get all that from just 'Pu'?" Keiichi 
asked her, puzzled.
	Aeka shrugged.  "That's easy.  Try and understand a tree 
sometime."

	"This is your idea of a nice, safe place to live?" Keiichi 
asked incredulously as he stopped the motorcycle and took a look 
around.
	"Pu!" Mokana agreed, either not getting or ignoring the 
sarcasm.
	"It looks perfectly all right to me," Aeka added as she 
glanced around herself.  "If a bit... quaint."
	The place they had stopped before was a run-down 
boarding house which named proclaimed it to be 'Maison Ikkoku.'
	Keiichi just shook his head and muttered, "I suppose it 
could be worse."

***

	"Oh, it will be."
	"How do you know that, Xel?"
	"That... is a secret."
	"Why do I even bother?"

***

	Keiichi knocked on the door, only to have it answered by a 
bleary-eyed, half-dressed redhead.  He had expect that, but this 
wasn't the specific redhead he had been expecting.
	"Shayla-Shayla from El-Hazard?" he practically shouted in 
bewilderment.
	"Yeah, that's me, what'ca want?" the fire priestess asked, 
her voice slurred with sake, half-empty bottle still clutched in he 
hand.
	"What are you doing here?"
	"Live here."
	Keiichi nearly grounded his teeth in frustration.  "No, what 
are you doing in this fanfic?"
	Shayla-Shayla blinked at the question, then she grinned.  
"Hehe.  This part came with all the sake I could drink, so I'm taking 
full advantage of that."  Then the fire priestess slowly looked him 
up and down.  "You know, you kinda look like Makoto..."
	"How do I get a room here for Aeka and myself?" Keiichi 
asked in a frantic attempt to change the subject.
	Shayla-Shayla giggled.  "So older women are you bag, ne 
Keiichi-chan?"
	"Separate rooms!" Keiichi insisted as both he and Aeka 
blushed.
	Shayla-Shayla chuckled and pointed an unsteady hand 
down the hall.  "Just knock on the door with the number one on it.  
She'll help you out."
	Keiichi was a little afraid at just who he would find behind 
that door, but went anyway.  Anything had be better than the drunk 
fire priestess.

	"Megumi-donno!" Keiichi shouted in surprise at the tall, 
dark-haired woman who had answered the door.
	The female doctor from Rourni Kenshin bowed to them 
with a smile and bid them enter.  They followed her to a small 
table where tea for four had already been prepared.
	"I was told to expect you, Keiichi-san," she told him after 
taking a sip of her own tea.
	"By who?" Keiichi asked, confused.
	"The author."
	Keiichi decided that he didn't want to follow that road of 
conversation, even if it wasn't off-limits.  "So you already have two 
rooms prepared, one for the each of us?"
	Megumi frowned slightly.  "Well, no.  Unfortunately, the 
author overbooked this fanfic.  He forgot that a second room would 
be needed when Aeka-sama's 'sisters' arrive."
	"Well, they don't need to show up, do they?" Keiichi asked 
a bit nervously.
	"I'm afraid that considering who my sisters are in this 
fanfic," Aeka replied, not sounding happy at all, "that is 
unavoidable."
	Keiichi tried to make the best of this.  "Well, I can at least 
use the spare room until they arrive, can I?"
	Megumi looked a bit embarrassed.  "I'm afraid that... they're 
already here."
	As if this was some sort of cue, the ceiling suddenly shook 
as if an explosion had just occurred right over their heads.

	The group rushed up the stairs, just in time to see the door 
to room 8 being blown off of it's hinges from the inside.  Fearfully, 
Keiichi, Aeka, and Megumi peered into the room.  The room itself 
looked like the site of a small war, which could be the case.  The 
walls were blacked and stained with soot, at least those sections 
that weren't gone completely.  Sun rained down through fist-sized 
holes in the roof.
	In the room, two women faced off, each smirking, though 
their eyes were hard and defiant as the stared down each other.  
That wasn't the only thing they had in common.  They both had 
long purple hair and were severely underdressed.  The shorter of 
the two was wearing what looked to be a high-tech bikini, 
complete with helmet, knee-high leather boots, and small metal 
wings.  The taller wore a black leather bikini complete with cape, 
giant spiked shoulder pads, and a small skull necklace that rested 
on her truly prodigious frontage.

***

	"Please tell me that's not who I think it is."
	"It's not who you think it is... who isn't it supposed to be 
anyway, Lina?"
	"Gourry, you're not helping.  Just go tell Amelia that her 
sister is in this."

***

	"Your so-called technology pales before the might of the 
magic of Naga the White Serpent!  OHOHOHO!!" the black 
sorceress declared, laughing and stomping her foot for emphasis.
	The other didn't seem bothered in the least by this.  She 
only pointed her arm at her and shouted, "Aragami missiles!"
	"Flare arrow!" Naga countered.
	The resulting explosions filled the room with smoke.
	"Should we do something, Keiichi-san?" Megumi asked 
cautiously.  Kenshin's fights were never this destructive, well at 
least most of them weren't.
	Keiichi only stared into the room as the smoke began to 
dissipate, worried what the sudden silence meant.
	"Well, from my own experience with that monster Ryoko," 
Aeka told the doctor turned landlord pleasantly.  "The only thing 
you can do is wait for the dust to settle and repair the resulting 
damages.  I do hope you have someone on hand who is fairly adapt 
in home repair.  I dare say you'll be needing his services quite 
often."
	Megumi nodded, her eyes still on the smoke-filled room.  "I 
believe one of my tenants has some prior experience in home 
repair."
	When the smoke finally cleared away, the three observers 
gasped in surprise at what they saw.  B-ko and Naga were now 
sitting side by side, one arm around the other, sharing a sake bottle 
with Shayla-Shayla who had entered the room through one of the 
holes in the wall.  B-ko and Naga were also busy swapping tales, 
while the fire priestess simply drank.
	"All I ever wanted was to be C-ko's best friend," B-ko told 
her new-found companion, "but she wouldn't let me.  That red-
haired witch!"
	Naga seemed to be putting away the sake faster than anyone 
else, but didn't seem the least bit drunk.  "Oh?  Was she a over-
powered, short-tempered, flat-chested sorceress?"
	"Yeah," B-ko agreed, leaning on Naga for support.  "Well, 
except for the sorceress bit.  She was just really strong.  I mean 
really, really strong.  Like 'able to leap tall buildings in a single 
bound' kinda strong.  She wasn't exactly flat-chested either, I 
suppose, but she couldn't compare to my body, no way."
	Shayla-Shayla lifted her head off the of the table, roused 
from pleasant half-dream where Ifurita had suddenly spontaneously 
combusted and Makoto had run to her for comfort.  "Hey, you two 
talking about me?"
	"That depends," Naga told her, "I you are a red-haired, 
over-powered, short-tempered, flat-chested sorceress with a 
penchant for senseless violence?"
	"I ain't flat-chested," Shayla-Shayla slurred.
	"Then we weren't talking about you."
	And then B-ko and Naga began to laugh, for no particular 
reason, other than they were both quite drunk.

	"OHOHOHOHO--"
	Keiichi managed to fit the door back in its frame and 
slammed in shut.  "I think I preferred it when they were fighting," 
he said mostly to himself.
	"I didn't.  I'm responsible for this place until the fanfic 
ends," Megumi replied.  "I suppose I could show you both to your 
room now.  They should be asleep by the time I have you settled in 
and then I can get that room fixed, and maybe do something to fix 
them as well."  The doctor's eyes were narrowed at the moment 
with the same look she usually regarded something involving 
Sanosake.
	Keiichi looked at Aeka and blushed.  The very idea of 
staying in a room with another woman made him feel embarrassed.  
Besides, Belldandy would kill him if she found out.  He turned to 
Aeka and said, "Um, why don't I just make my wish now so you 
can go back to... wherever you're supposed to be from?"
	Aeka nodded.  "Quite sensible, Keiichi-san.  What would 
you like to wish for?"
	Keiichi thought for a moment.  "How about wishing myself 
out of this fic?"
	Aeka shook her head.  "Sorry, but I'm afraid that any wish 
that would prematurely end this fanfic is out as well."
	"You never mentioned that before!" Keiichi pointed out.
	"Yes, however the author is making this up as he goes 
along."
	Keiichi couldn't argue with that.  He thought again for a 
while before he finally came up with a solution.  "I wish that there 
was some way that we could stay here, but I wouldn't have to share 
a room with you _or_ any other woman."
	All of the sudden, tiny floating logs materialized all over 
the hallway, centered around Aeka.  Then they started to glow 
brighter and brighter until they exploded with a blinding flash.  
Keiichi, even partially blinded by the bright light, was able to catch 
Aeka before she hit the ground.
	Aeka was less than pleased to see him when she opened her 
eyes again.  "Fool!  Why did you make that ridiculous wish?"
	Keiichi set her back on her feet and then rubbed the back of 
his head in embarrassment.  "Well, with all the fanfics I've been in, 
I've had dozens of wishes already, so its okay if I wish for 
something small for once.  Besides, it was the only solution I could 
think of."
	"That is not what I am referring to," Aeka told him angrily 
and then looked around.  "Do you see something wrong with this 
picture?"
	Keiichi looked around himself.  He could easily name a 
dozen things wrong at the moment, but none of them had anything 
to do with his wish.  "No, why?"
	"I'm still here!!" Aeka shouted back at him.
	"But why wouldn't you be?  I mean with Belldandy..."  
Keiichi started to say and then stopped himself, finally catching on.  
He had wished for Belldandy to stay, which was why she never 
went back home, but he hadn't wished for Aeka, had he?
	Seeing his confusion, Aeka explained, "You wished 'for 
some way _we_ could stay here,' which was the same as if you 
wished I would stay here!"
	"Wait, what are you so upset about?  You can't see Tenchi 
because he's busy doing a fanfic too."
	"Because before all I needed to do to leave before was to 
get you to make your wish.  Now, who knows how long I'll be 
stuck in this... madhouse!"

***

	"So, is that it?"
	"Amelia, that is a secret."
	"Aw, I wanted to see my big sister again!"

***

The End?  Only Xellos knows for sure, and he's not telling.

***

Not Another Ridiculous Fanfic!
(a fusion / crossover spamfic)
By Ammadeau
[email protected]
http://Ammadeau.tripod.com/fanfiction.htm

Part 2:  "Stop it, please!"  "Um, no."

***

	"Why are we even watching this, Lina?"
	"Quiet, Zel, it's about to start again.  And pass me that 
popcorn."

***

	Keiichi decided to be elsewhere while Megumi was busy 
calming down the still upset Aeka.  He felt bad about it, making 
that thoughtless wish, resulting in her anger, and still not able to do 
anything about it.
	*At least there's someone sane in this madhouse,* Keiichi 
thought about Megumi as he looked up at the run-down apartment 
building from the front lawn.  Of course, he hadn't met all of his 
fellow tenants yet so there was still some hope.
	"Hi there, Keiichi.  What's shaking?" asked a familiar voice 
from one of the second story windows.
	"Mara?!"
	The blonde demoness nodded with a smirk.  "Yeah, but 
don't worry.  I'm not playing a demon in this fanfic.  I've been cast 
as just another of the wacky tenants.  No demon markings, see?"
	Keiichi relaxed a little bit.  "So is this a OMG / Maison 
Ikkoku crossover then?"
	Mara shrugged.  "Hell if I know.  Say, have you seen my 
roommate anywhere?  We are supposed to share our room's supply 
of sake, but she hid it all.  Greedy bitch."
	"Each room comes with a supply of sake?" Keiichi asked 
her in surprise.
	"You didn't know that?" Mara asked back, just as surprised 
as he was.  "It's the reason why most of us signed on to be in this 
fanfic.  Better get yours before your roommate drinks it all."
	Keiichi frowned, wondering how the whole room issue 
would be resolved after his wish.  "Who's your roommate 
anyway?"
	Mara replied, "I forget her dumb name already.  She's a red-
haired, over-powered, short-tempered priestess with a penchant for 
fiery destruction.  I think we'll get along fine once she stops 
hoarding the sake."
	"Oh, you must mean Shayla-Shayla," Keiichi told her.  
"Room eight.  Just follow the sound of evil laughter, can't miss it."

***

	"Hmm... that sounds like someone else I know."
	"Just add in 'flat-chested' and 'with a stomach the size of the 
grand canyon,' Gourry."
	"Wow, it's Lina!  Thanks, Zel."
	"Fireball!"