The Clone Defenders of Tokyo-3


Oscir was sitting by his 'pool' waiting for this year's contestants to 
come by.  A man and a woman entered taking dramatic strides, 
only to be spoiled when they both simultaneously tripped over their 
own feet.  The man looked to be an odd combination of Fabio and 
Gourry, while the woman seemed a cross between Pamela Lee and 
Naga the Serpent.  Both cases seemed to have brought out the 
worst possible traits.  They looked to be siblings, with blonde hair 
and bright blue eyes.

They attempted to stand, only to trip over each other's feet this 
time.  Oscir was very tempted to help them up, or at least grope 
them, but didn't get the opportunity as they sprung to their feet 
again.

"We are Rick . . .," the male declared at first, then suddenly seemed 
to lose his train of thought.

" . . . and Rack," the female continued after a moment.

"And we are the God . . ."

". . . and Goddess of Loopy Crossovers."

Oscir considered the possibility that their IQs as well as their 
appearances has been crossed as well, rounded down.  Rick seemed 
the kind of person who needed to be told to breathe, while Rack 
looked to be the kind of girl who would have difficulty tying her 
shoes, even they weren't hidden from her view by her significant 
frontage.

"So you guys want to make a small change to a current timeline?"  
Oscir ventured.

Rick and Rack only stared blankly at him for a moment, then Rack 
nodded her head.  They both approached the pool.

"We want to . . . make change . . . right here."

***

Keel Lorenz, head of the secret organization known as Steele, 
stared out the window of his first class compartment, watching 
Japan go by.  He was going to be personally checking a few things 
with the Katsuragi expedition to make sure everything in 
Antarctica would go exactly as planned.

***

"In real world, Keel arrives without problem," Rack told Oscir, 
emphasizing her point by punching the godling in the face over his 
latest grope attempt.

Rick picked up the pseudo-kitty by the neck and held him over the 
pool.  "Want to make change so train breaks down right here."

***

Keel was not the sort of man to grumble at the general 
incompetence of Japan Rail, who believed it would be at least 
another hour before the train could be underway again.  He had 
been waiting a long time for what was to come about and could 
afford to be patient about it.  He decided that while in Nerima, he 
might as well have lunch.

***

"No," Oscir said.  *Not another one of those.*

"Yes," Rick and Rack replied, smiling.

***

Lorenz, guiding by some instinct picked up after centuries of life, 
picked up his plate of half-eaten fried eel and stood up.  A moment 
later, a boy came crashing though the wall and plowed right into 
the table.  Keel had heard some stories about Nerima, most of 
which he dismissed at idle rumors, but was surprised to find this 
level of violence in broad daylight.  He was even more surprised 
when the boy stood up and looked none the worse for wear.  Keel 
had seen more things than most men had in a dozen lifetimes, so it 
had been a very long time since he'd been surprised twice in one 
day.  He suddenly decided that it might be worth his time to find 
out more about this boy.

A large man suddenly appeared in the hole the boy had made and 
bellowed, "Ranma, my boy, how dare you say that to your 
fianc�e!?"

"I swear that tomboy is trying to poison me, pop!" the boy shouted 
back as he walked away.

The man put a hand on his son's shoulder.  "Just where do you 
think you're going?  You have to apologize to Akane this minute!"

The boy grabbed his father's arm and tossed him into Lorenz's 
already much-abused table.  As Genma stood to chase after the 
boy, a hand fell on his shoulder.  He looked up into the piecing 
eyes of a tall gajin with snowy white hair. 

"Excuse me, but there's a small matter I wish to discuss with you."

***

"So Genma sells his son yet again?" Oscir asked, nursing a swollen 
jaw, which was the only result of his latest attempt to get closer to 
Rick.

"Not . . . exactly."

***

"That's all you want?" Genma asked, a bit incredulously.

Keel nodded.  "A few skin or hair samples is all that I require.  And 
I'm willing to pay quite handsomely for them."

Genma took out some of Ranma's pig-tail that had been cut off 
during the whole 'dragon's whisker' incident.  He knew that it 
would come in handy some day.

Keel studied the lock with interest.  "So what is your price?"

"Are you going to finish that fried eel?"

***

"Now must go future  . . . things start happen."

***

"Today at 12:30, a state of special emergency has been declared all 
over Kanto and Chubu districts around Tokai district. Please take 
refuge in the designated shelters. Repeat. Today ...... "

The message had become nearly pointless as most people had 
cleared the streets sometime before.  The only thing left were the 
UN forces and . . . it.  'It' was being officially designated as an 
Angel, though it didn't look much like one.  For one thing, it was 
several stories tall and lacked anything resembling a humanoid 
form.  The fire it used, not to mention its scaly exterior, made it 
more like a devil.  But the biggest tip-off was there was something 
disturbingly familiar about this 'Angel.'

The large booming sound drew the attention of the 53rd battalion, 
who lay in wait for the Angel.  They knew it was just around the 
bend, and then the thing turned the corner . . .

Private Throwaway turned to his superior, Sgt. I. M. Gonnadie, and 
shouted, "It's Godzilla, we must flee!"

"Damn," the sergeant replied, "and I thought he was one of the 
good guys."

Godzilla just burned them all with atomic fire like he'd done with 
the last batch and stomped on their remains as he moved on.

***

"What the heck was that?" Oscir shouted.

"Angel," Rack replied.

"I thought it was supposed to be _one_ small change."

"Was," Rick explained. "When Keel change his plan, other plans 
get changed."

"Just how much changed?"  He asked as he reached for Rack's 
beach-ball sized bosoms.

"We see," Rack told Oscir, punching him in the gut.

***

Ranma stood before the commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari.  He 
was nervous; not over the man who he had known even since his 
rebirth over a dozen years ago, but for what he now had to do.  
That he had done it already several times before did nothing to 
reduce his worry.

"Ranma, you know what you must do," Gendo told him.  "There is 
no other option if were are to save mankind from oblivion."

Ranma nodded.  He was reluctant, but Commander Ikari was right.  
Staring at the monster on the screen, he knew there wasn't any 
alternative.  Walking deep into the heart of the Geo-front, he 
prepared himself to meet his destiny.

***

"So Ranma replaces Shinji in this timeline?"  Oscir asked a little 
hopefully.  That would bring it back to familiar ground, at least.

"Not . . . exactly."

***

Ranma found the first person he was looking for, and not 
coincidentally the easiest to deal with, working on something in the 
lab.  She had remained there after everyone had left when the 
alarms had gone off, most likely not even noticing them.

Ranma steeled his courage and called out, "Ami-chan!"

The fourteen year-old girl with short blue-black hair immediately 
turned around to face him.  "Ranma, are you here to volunteer for 
an experiment?" she asked, her voice a monotone

Ranma suddenly had a panicked look in his eyes.  Every time he 
agreed, he ended up worse than after one of Akane's meals.  
However, there was no choice.

"Sure, but only if you help defend Tokyo-3 from the Angel again."

Ami sighed a little and reluctantly put down her tools.  "All right."

Ranma thought to himself, *One down, four to go.*

Makoto was in the NERV cafeteria, baking.  Ranma had to agree to 
eat the cake she baked in order to get here cooperation.  He hoped 
the stomach pump was standing by.  Not that what Makoto cooked 
was bad, far from it, but she just cooked so much and always 
expected him to eat all of it.

Usagi was playing video games and agreed only if Ranma would 
listen to her problems with 'Kaji-chan.'  Ranma had found that the 
only way to endure hours worth of whining was with earplugs.

Rei was exorcising and purifying the Geo-Front, despite that no 
one else had ever seen the spirits she claimed interfered with their 
lives.  Ramna had to agree to undergo another one of her personal 
'exorcism' for her to agree to help.

And the last.  Ranma shuddered.  She was worse than all the others 
combined.  He would have forgotten about her, but Commander 
Ikari was quite firm on needing all of them.  He found her in her 
own private room in the Geo-Front, testing out the 'equipment' she 
had put there.  Ranma had to agree to be Minako's 'playmate' in 
order to get her to help defend Tokyo-3.

***

"One change?!" Oscir shouted as he repeatedly banged his head 
against the wall.

Rick and Rack nodded.  

"Found could not splice Angel DNA with Ranma 'cause he male," 
Rick explained.  "Even after find way to turn him girl."

"So Keel go out and find strong female DNA," Rack added.

"Only side-effect make personality traits much more extreme."

***

Ranma ran down the corridors of the Geo-Front, screaming, as the 
clones of the five original sailor senshi all ran after him, shouting 
for his attention.

"I just need a few more samples!"

"Eat these muffins!"

"You've got to help me find Kaji-chan!"

"I must purge the demon-woman from your soul!"

"I just got this new leather outfit I want you to try on!"

He ducked around a corner and suddenly drenched with cold water.

Ranko looked up to see Kaji holding a now empty bucket.  
"Thanks," she told him.

He grinned, then took out a thermos and dumped the contents on 
his head.  Misato flicked the water out of her hair just as the senshi 
rounded the corner.

"Oh Ranko, Misato, have you seen Ranma?" Makato asked.

"And Kaji?" Usagi added eagerly.

Ranko and Misato slowly shook their heads.  Misato told them, 
"I'm sure you'll get to see them after you defeat the Angel out 
there."

"All right," the senshi replied as they raced off to get ready.

"The things we go through to keep the world safe," Ranko 
commented as he watched them leave, fighting the urge to run as 
far away from Tokyo-3 as she possibly could.

"Yeah," Misato replied and shuddered.  "I need a drink."

***

"So the senshi are the EVA pilots?"  Oscir asked, though sure of 
what the answer was already.

"Not . . . exactly."

***

The clones of the once sailor senshi now stood on top of a building 
as they surveyed the carnage that Godzilla was doing to the city.  
Music started to play from the same speakers that had made the 
earlier announcement and they all started to sing:

"Destorying Angels by daylight,
Chasing Ranma by moonlight.
Blowing up buildings left and right,
We are the one and only Sailor Clones!"

Ami tapped a black and gold symbol on her chest and shouted, 
"Reboot!"  In a flash of light, her clothes were replaced with a 
somewhat revealing power suit.  She posed and declared, "Sailor 
Iczer!"

"I am the 108th generation Devil Hunter!" Rei shouted as her 
snake-ring began to glow.  She flipped in the air as her clothes 
shredded and reformed into a red dress with a ying-yang symbol on 
the front.  She posed with the sword she now held and stated, 
"Sailor Devil Hunter!"

"Honey Flash!"  Minako shouted as he clothes ripped away and 
reformed, though differently from Rei's, to leave her clad in a red 
S&M queen outfit, complete with high heeled boots and whip.  
"Sailor Honey!"

"Darling!"  Makato shouted.  There was a flash of lightning and 
now she stood wearing a black and yellow tiger-striped bikini, 
complete with long boots.  Her hair had turned green and two 
horns now stood out on her head.  "Sailor Oni, d'cha!"

Usagi thought about never seeming to have enough to eat or time 
to play games, school, Rei yelling at her, Kaji probably off 
somewhere with that witch Misato . . . "Aarrgghh!"  she yelled as 
her body began to emit a golen light and her hair got all spikey.  
Her clothes had suddenly been replaced with a tight-fitting orange 
gi with the symbol for 'bunny' on the back.  "Sailor Sayajin!"

***

"How  . . . Forget it, I don't care anymore," Oscir told the sibling 
godlings as he tried to follow Misato's suggestion and looked for 
something to drink.  "At least it can't get any worse."

Rick and Rack only grinned in reply.  Their teeth were perfect.

***

The Sailor Clones, also known as the Neon Senshi, flew off in 
pursuit of their target.  Most of them did anyway.  Sailor Sayajin 
tried to follow, but had the tendency to lose her concentration at 
the most inappropriate times.  "Wow, what a cute bird!" she said 
and proceeded to drop like a stone.

"Godzilla this time?" Sailor Devil Hunter said in irritation to no 
one in particular.

"Better than that giant naked Misato last time," Makoto 
commented.  "Every male in Tokyo-3 passed out from nosebleeds, 
except Commander Ikari and Ranma for some reason."

"I don't know," Sailor Honey added with a grin.  "I sort of liked it."

The other senshi began to edge away form their whip-wielding 
compatriot.

***

"What's going on now?!"

"It was decided that a random person in Tokyo-3's mind would be 
scanned . . ."

". . . and the Angel be based on what they think most about."

"So let me get this straight," Oscir asked the both of them, "If a 
random citizen was thinking of Megumi Hayashibara, Megumi 
Hayashibara would come and destroy Tokyo-3?"

Rick and Rack nodded.

"You don't care who you steal from, do you?"

Rick and Rack only smiled.

***

"Dark Mist!"  Sailor Iczer shouted as a black beam shot out of one 
of her arm-mounted guns, covering the Angel in darkness.

Sailor Devil Hunter pointed her sword at the cloud and yelled, 
"Fire Ball!"  A ball of fire emerged from its tip and hit something 
in the cloud with an explosive sound.

"Digger Volt, d'cha!"  Sailor Oni exclaimed as bolts of lightning 
flew from her fingertips to strike something hidden by Sailor 
Iczer's fog.

The Neon Senshi held their breath as the fog began to dissipate, 
revealing nothing but a building they had damaged and a giant hole 
in the ground.

"Where did that monster go?"  Sailor Sayajin asked as she had 
finally caught up with her fellow senshi.

Sailor Izer tapped something on her wrist computer.  "It's right 
behind me," she told them in a monotone.

With a sudden roar and a blast of atomic fire, Godzilla emerged 
from the building it was hiding in and reduced Sailor Izer to ash.

"It killed Ami!" Sailor Sayajin shouted in alarm.

Sailor Devil Hunter shrugged, "So what?  There are plenty more of 
her where she came from."

***

"Huh?" Oscir said before he could stop himself.

"True all them . . . They clones with many spare bodies . . . Each 
die few times already . . . Ami die a lot . . . lab accidents . . . 
Ranma have no spares . . . Make him very nervous."

*** 

"It's so powerful, how can we beat it?" Sailor Sayajin whined.

"No problem," Sailor Honey told her.  "You've just got to show 
that big lizard who's master."

"Balus Rod!" she yelled as her whip began to grow several meters 
long as it glowed with white light.   She cracked the whip and 
wrapped it around the leg of the surprised king of monsters.  With 
a flick of her wrist, the creature was airborne.

"Down boy, down!" Sailor Honey shouted and slammed Godzilla 
into the street, crushing several cars in the process.

Godzilla tried to retaliate with atomic fire, but this time they were 
ready for him.  "Flare Arrow!" Sailor Devil Hunter declared.  The 
two fire attacks struck each other and were canceled out.

"Demonic Crystal!" the new Sailor Iczer, having just arrived, 
shouted.  Crystals shot out of the ground and slammed into the 
back of the giant lizard, sharp enough to puncture even his thick 
hide.

Sailor Honey threw down her whip and held her hands out in front 
of her.  "Elemkia Lance!" she shouted as a spear of light flew from 
her palms to embed itself in Godzilla's chest, impaling him to the 
ground.

Sailor Oni raised her eyes to the heavens and called out, "Arc Bass, 
d'cha!" It started to rain fish, which Godzilla promptly ate.  Her 
fellow senshi turned to stare at their horned companion, who 
rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment.  "Wrong phrase, 
d'cha."

She decided to try again.  "Arc Brass, d'cha!" Sailor Oni yelled as 
lightning rained down from the sky, dozens of bolts that struck the 
still struggling monster.

A mew pokemon with a crescent moon shape on its head suddenly 
appeared and said, "Now, Sailor Sayajin."

Sailor Sayajin nodded to the cat-like creature and began to chant:

"Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows; buried 
in the flow of time; in thy great name, I pledge myself to 
darkness! Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the 
power you and I possess! DRAGON SLAVE!!" 

Godzilla held it's puny hands in front of it's face in a comic attempt 
to ward off the attack, saying "Stage Outo!" before being reduced 
to atomic particles, along with most of the surrounding city block.

***

Oscir, cowering in a corner with hands over his eyes, asked, "Is it 
over yet?"

"Almost," Rick and Rack replied.

***

While the Neon Senshi were battling Godzilla above, Gendo Ikari 
was in a secret lab in the depths of the Geo-Front.  While it was all 
well and good to use the clones Lorenz had provided to defend the 
world, Gendo would need to create a clone of his own to bring 
about the 3rd Impact he wanted.  It had taken him years of work, 
but he knew that combining the DNA of all the other clones, 
including Ranma, would produce the ultimate clone.  Today was 
the day that all of his work would finally pay off.  "Yui," he said 
mostly to himself as he stared into the clone vat.  "We'll be 
together again soon."

The fight was over.  Construction crews had already begun the 
momentous task of rebuilding the city, even though they knew it 
would only get wrecked again.  The senshi were impatiently 
waiting for Commander Ikari for their debriefing, each wanting to 
cash in the promises that Ranma had made to them.

Commander Ikari suddenly walked out of shadow at the command 
console.  There was a smaller figure next to him that still hung 
back in the darkness.

"You have done well in once again defending the world against the 
Angels," Gendo told them.  "But since we know the Angels will 
only become stronger from now on, I've decided that you require a 
new member of your team.  I present to you, Sailor Kawaii."

With a gesture, the figure beside him stepped forward to reveal that 
it was a little girl with bright red hair done up with what looked to 
be hearts.  She smiled cutely at them, tilted her cute little head, and 
said in a cute voice, "Chibi chibi!"

The senshi groaned.  Usagi said, "Well, at least it's better than 
Chibi-Usa."

"I heard that!" shouted a little pink-haired girl with triangular 
markings on her face that emerged out of Maya's coffee cup.  
"Bampei, 357 magnum."

In a puff of colored smoke, the robot, who had appeared just as 
suddenly as its master, changed into a large handgun.  Usagi was 
soon running for her life from the marksmanship of Sailor 
Goddess.

Unfortunately, Maya's coffee happened to spill onto Ranko.  Soon 
Ranma was running for his life from four needy senshi.

Chibi-chibi looked around at all the commotion around her and 
queried the figure next to her, "Chibi?"

"Mew," the mew replied solemnly.

"ARGH, CCAATT!!"