Those Obnoxious Gundams!
Part 1
A Weird Fic
by Amai Noa
Email: [email protected]

Disclaimer: Neither Gundam Wing nor Urusei Yatsura nor the characters belong to me. I'm simply borrowing them for my enjoyment (and their torture), and I'm not making a dime from this, so play nice and don't sue, onegai? ^^

Warnings/Notes: AU, Yaoi, OOC, Oni girl with electrical charges, lecherous teens, other alien princesses, that sort of thing. ^^;

Pairings: 1x2, implied 4x3, others as my muses deem necessary.

"Let me down from here, damnit!" Ataru cried as Lum's Stormtroopers pulled on the rope, sending the lecherous boy up the flagpole situated in front of Tomobiki High School.

"We're not letting you down from there until you call for Lum," Shutaro Mendou, the scion of the richest family in the world yelled. "It's your fault she's left again, Moroboshi!"

Seems that Ataru Moroboshi, who absolutely had to be one of Japan's if not the world's most lecherous and unlucky people, had gotten himself into yet another jam with Lum. This time he was caught with an exchange student--a very beautiful exchange student. It didn't help that he was caught with his lips on said exchange student, sending the Oni princess into a raging boil. After thoroughly frying Ataru with one of her electric shocks, Lum left, vowing to never return until the fool apologized for what he did. Naturally, he felt it was his duty to hit on the girls.

"I'm not calling for her! She can stay away forever if she wants; I don't care," Ataru sneered. Barely supressing a lecherous snicker, he added, "Besides, I have lots to catch up on with our exchange student."

"Silence!" yelled Megane, one of the Stormtroopers. The group wasn't official; they were more or less self-appointed guardians who made sure Ataru would be miserable whenever he mistreated Lum. "We're going to summon Lum's UFO right now!"

Gathering around the flagpole from where Ataru was suspended, the Stormtroopers started their chant of "Ventura, Ventura, Space People." Before long the chant turned into a mantra, the group of high school- aged boys skipping around like they were dancing around a maypole sans the streamers. All during this ritual, Ataru was protesting and swearing profusely.

Without warning, the sky turned dark, a swirling portal appearing in front of the school. Everyone else seemed awestruck, but Ataru was freaked out to no end.

"Oh, no! Not again! Lemme down from here!" he cried, running in place in the air, suspended from the flagpole and long forgotten by the boys on the ground. The cries became more frantic when he realized he was being left on the flagpole. "Oi! Come back here! What about me?!" A crack of lightning brought Ataru's attention back to the swirling portal. It was then that he realized why the other boys were running.

One by one, five gigantic mecha came through the portal, landing onto the street in front of the school and effectively causing one hellacious traffic jam.

"G-g-g-giant robots!" Ataru cried, trying more frantically to free himself from the flagpole, nevermind that he probably wouldn't make the fall without being injured had he been able to get free. The five mecha approached the school step-by-step, the ground shaking beneath them as they moved. By that time Ataru had given up on his "friends" saving him, so he started reciting his last prayer.

As one of the giant mecha approached the flagpole, Ataru was most certain he was done for until the hatch opened and a figure emerged from within.

"Oi! How's the view up there?" the pilot yelled, flashing a lopsided grin.

"Lemme down from here!"

"Hold on; we'll get you down from there."

The pilot went back into the mecha, returning with the tools needed to get the unfortunate lout down from the flagpole. No sooner than his feet hit the platform of the mecha did Ataru start in on his rescuer.

"Who the hell are you and what the hell is this?" The pilot scowled.

"'Oh, thank you, Duo.' 'Anytime, dude,'" the pilot mocked. "You risk life and limb to rescue someone, and what do you get? Someone riding your ass. Well excuse me for being a good samaritan!" Ataru blinked at the ranting pilot.

"Eh?" was Ataru's innocent reply.

* * * *

Students from Tomobiki High eyed the five young pilots, some warily, some amazed, others outright and blatantly skeptical. After the introductions, Ataru decided to cut to the chase.

"So," Ataru chirped. "What's with the giant robot?" His rescuer, Duo, rolled his eyes.

"Man, how many times do we have to tell you this is a--"

"Gundam," Mendou replied, effectively completing Duo's sentence. Duo nodded at him sharply.

"Gundam, robot--what difference does it make?" Ataru babbled, earning himself a smack upside his head.

"There's a big difference, Moroboshi," Mendou hissed before turning his attention to the five Gundam pilots. "What would your business here happen to be?"

"A mission," Heero replied, a steely glint gracing his Prussian blue eyes. Mendou eyed Heero's outfit--the usual green tank top and black spandex shorts--and thought better of saying anything about it.

"A mission you say? What's the mission?" Wufei stepped forward.

"We would have said what it was by now if we wanted you to know." The two young men exchanged dark looks until Quatre interrupted.

"Let's just get who we came here for and get out of here," he said, looking from the scion to his comrade and back again. Mendou snorted.

"As scion of the richest family in the world I have the right to ask what your business is here." It was Quatre's turn to give Mendou a dark look.

"And as Gundam pilots we have every right to keep the details of our missions a secret." The blond Arab smirked and continued, "May I add that I'm scion of the richest family in space, not that money is an issue here?"

"You know," Trowa said, stepping forward so that Mendou stood to him nose-to-chin, "It is said that one who has laid eyes on a Gundam shall never live to tell about it. Now, do we pick up who we've come for, or do we have to start going through people around here?" Ataru paled.

"Mendou! I'm too young to die, so just let 'em go! Let 'em go I say!" Before Mendou could say anything either way, a distinct screech could be heard in the distance.

"HEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOO~!"

Before Heero could catch himself, he muttered, "Oh, shit."

--tsudzuku?--