Red-haired Bishounen Of The Worlds Unite!
By Cameron / Destiny Xavier
E-mail: [email protected]
Website: http://phoenixdreams.slashcity.tv
Permission: DO NOT take this fic and post this anywhere without my explicit permission.
Category/Series: Rurouni Kenshin (mainly) multi-fandom (only 3, I swear!) surprise crossover (it ain't hard to guess!)
Genre: Humor, Timeline? What Timeline?, Plot? What Plot?, Yaoi/shounen-ai
Archive: The Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction Archive (http://www.nabiki.com/nichan/archive) Others please ask, but I'll most likely say yes anyway. ^_^
Disclaimer: We all know the drill. Don't sue me. I don't own any of them but the old hag, who is a figment of my imagination, and any resemblance to actual persons or incidents are purely coincidental.
Warnings: YAOI. Male/male relationships. No graphic sex here, but you can't mistake them for anything but lovers. In fact, no sex, just hints of 'the deed done'. Cursing, swearing.
Pairings: Now that would be giving it away ^_^ Read!
Synopsis: The Kenshin Gumi don't know what to do about an enemy who's defeated both Kenshin and Saitoh. An old hag drops in. Said old hag makes 6 other people, from 3 other worlds, drop in. Damn, but I don't know what to say that won't give anything away! Oh, Chichiri has a secret...*cackles*
Feedback: Yes, please! I crave it. I worship it. I love it. All criticism and comments welcome. Flames will be laughed at and roasted.
The Kenshin Gumi were gathered in a seated circle in the Kamiya dojo's living room. The mood was solemn as everyone studied each other and mentally counted off. Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi, Dr. Genzai, Ayame-chan, and Suzume-chan. Even Saitoh was there, although he chose to lean casually against the wall, and had refrained from smoking in deference to Kaoru's wishes.
Total silence reigned among the collected. The flame of the lantern flickered. The crickets chirped. A slight breeze caused a rustling in the trees and bushes. Chattering from passers-by sounded hushed from inside the dojo. Birds twittered as they returned on the way to their nests.
Finally, unable to remain silent for more than 5 minutes, Sanosuke slammed both fists into the tatami.
"K'so!! Don't be so frigging quiet! What're we going to do?!" he bellowed, and the rest of them quickly covered their ears. The exceptions were Saitoh, who merely twitched an eyebrow, and Kaoru, who promptly punched Sanosuke.
"Itai!!!!" the injured fighter wailed as the girl dusted her hands.
"Maa, maa, calm down de gozaru," Kenshin laughed nervously as Sanosuke and Kaoru started at each other. Luckily, he succeeded, and the tension eased somewhat.
"We still need to know what to do. Nobody's ever been strong enough to beat both Kenshin and Saitoh," Megumi fretted. Saitoh's eyebrow twitched. "Repeatedly."
"If this goes on we're screwed!" Sanosuke exclaimed, and was promptly rewarded by a smack upside the head. "Itai! What was that for?!"
"No cursing in front of Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan!" Kaoru scolded, to which Sanosuke muttered something unintelligible under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck.
"What do you suppose we do?" Dr. Genzai asked no one in particular, hugging his granddaughters close.
"What are we going to do?" the older girl nodded.
"What? What?!" echoed her younger sister enthusiastically.
They all froze as they heard soft chuckling behind the wooden sliding doors. Kenshin immediately rose to a crouch, his hand resting firmly on the handle of his Sakaba sword. Saitoh's eyes narrowed, and a gloved hand twitched.
They all tensed as the door slid open slowly to reveal their unidentified late-night visitor. Would it be a Hitokiri, out to kill Kenshin or Saitoh? Would it be an angry Kanryu with a broken jaw, seeking revenge? Hell, it could be anyone out for revenge on the Battousai. They waited as the door slid open, an agonizing inch by inch to reveal... a tiny hunched over old woman only slightly taller than Yahiko.
There was a huge silence as everyone took in the sight.
Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan screeched.
*~*~*~*
Half an hour later, once Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan had calmed down, and the woman had persuaded Kenshin to put down the Sakaba sword, they were once again gathered around, this time with the old lady amongst them.
"So how can you help us?" Sanosuke demanded.
The old lady smiled, and lifted a small sack. Slowly opening the drawstring ties, she took out several jars of what appeared to be assorted herbs, dirt, and... unidentifiable matter.
"You're a witch!" Yahiko cried out, waving an accusing finger in her direction. The old lady only smiled.
"Listen carefully. I know what troubles you. In order to defeat your enemy, you need to call upon warriors who are exactly like this man," she explained, pointing a bony finger at Kenshin.
"Nonsense. There's nobody in this world who's exactly like Ken-san," Megumi retorted with conviction. The old woman laughed softly.
"Nobody in this world, true. But we are going to call these warriors from other worlds," she explained, winking at the flirtatious Fox Lady, who blanched.
"I don't think I could stomach so many Kenshins running around," Kaoru admitted weakly.
"Nani? Don't you like Kenshin?" Yahiko asked, puzzled. Kaoru blushed prettily and coughed into her hand.
"Yes, well... one can only take so many 'oro's."
"You won't have to worry about that. We are not calling more of this particular warrior to be exact," the old hag assured, nodding at Kenshin. "We're calling those who are like him."
"How do you intend to do that de gozaru?" Kenshin asked patiently. The woman got up, making a rather painful grunting noise, and started to move towards the dojo's practice hall.
"I need the space," was her cryptic answer. Still confused and a little wary, they followed her.
They watched as the woman scattered various herbs and twigs in a circle at the other half of the practice hall, then littered the area with a shimmering blue powder. She then made her way back to the rest of them.
"Now what?" Sanosuke asked.
"HUSH!" the woman reprimanded harshly, before turning her back to them to face her... creation, placing her palms together in front of her chest.
"By the power of that bestowed upon me, I call for warriors who share many characteristics with this young, virile redhead!"
Kenshin blushed. Young _virile_ redhead? Kami-sama, he whimpered mentally. Kaoru fell over. Sanosuke clapped his hands over Yahiko's ears. Megumi grew fox ears and giggled into the back of her palm. The corner of Saitoh's lips twitched, as did his eyebrow.
They waited. And waited. And waited.
"Oi, nothing's happening," Sanosuke pointed out, lifting his hands from Yahiko's ears, and the boy was for once, grateful. Then it happened.
The plants and powder seemed to combust with a soft *POOF* and then there was only a blue-ish haze.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh--" *whump*
"Earrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--" *whump*
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa--" *whump*
The haze started to settle, and everyone eagerly tried to see who had dropped in - literally - on them. Everyone sweatdropped.
On their left, a muscled short-haired ear-tailed redhead was trying to pull a blanket over himself and a long-haired, strawberry blonde... man.
In the middle, a lean, slightly muscled long-haired green-eyed redhead was trying to pull a blanket over himself and a short, spiky-haired... boy.
To their right, a hunky, well-muscled but not overdone flame-haired man was trying to pull a blanket over himself and a slightly less-muscled, scarred eyed, _blue_-haired... guy.
Dr. Genzai coughed politely, causing the six... very naked men, to turn their attention to the clothed group at the other end of the dojo.
"Oro..." Kenshin uttered, blushing. Kaoru turned a brilliant shade of red and ran off, babbling something about going to get some spare yukatas. She returned panting half a minute later, and threw the yukatas at Sanosuke. Megumi grew fox ears again as she surveyed the delectable feast of handsome young men before her. Yahiko hid behind Kenshin. Ayame-chan and Suzume-chan hid behind Dr. Genzai.
"Anou...Where are we?"
"What the fuck is going on here?"
"... Shi-ne."
All were said simultaneously, causing the redheads to exchange glances amongst themselves. Then they all went, "Who are you?"
Again simultaneously, they turned to the blushing group and demanded, "Who are _you_?"
Saitoh gave a short, tired sigh as he grabbed the yukatas away from the stunned Sanosuke, and strode over to the group of young naked handsome men. He threw 2 yukatas to each pair, then placed his hand on his hip as he watched them quickly scramble to get _somewhat_ decently dressed.
"You are here because that old hag," he started, thumbing backwards at the chuckling woman, "apparently summoned you."
"Explain." It was the redhead with the ear tails. Saitoh shifted his gaze. This redhead narrowed his violet eyes dangerously at him, then at the strawberry blonde who started trailing fingers over the pale back.
"We have been having trouble de gozaru," Kenshin explained from behind Saitoh. He knew that it would be the end of never when Saitoh admitted they needed help.
"This old woman said we needed warriors like Kenshin from other worlds to help us defeat our enemy," Kaoru offered meekly, her cheeks still rosy red. She and the others had approached, albeit very slowly.
"And you had to pick a time like this?" a deep rumble was emitted, to the surprise of everyone minus his redhead... partner, from the short, spiky-black-haired boy. He was obviously not pleased.
"Yes, well... I wouldn't know what you were doing, now would I?" the old lady chuckled, causing the dark-haired boy to narrow his own blood-red eyes.
"Perhaps you could explain why we were chosen and what for, no da," the blue-haired one suggested in an oddly high-pitched voice. They stared at him, and he blushed, hiding behind his fiercer looking partner, who bared his fangs at them and growled. They got over the momentary stun of the fangs to direct their attention once more to the gravity-defying bangs.
"Maybe we should sit down de gozaru. We don't want them to have neck ache later," Kenshin suggested, seating himself in front of the six newcomers, and smiled as his friends followed suit.
"So why were we chosen?" If the flat, lean chest had not greeted them earlier, they would have mistaken the soft-spoken, green-eyed redhead for a woman. They all looked expectantly at the old woman.
"Well, we're all intelligent beings, are we not? Look at them and tell me what similarities you can find," the old lady chuckled. The entire group looked at each other, at Kenshin, and then at the six newcomers.
"Red hair," Kaoru stated, starting with the most obvious.
"My hair is not fucking red, it's flaming amber," the fanged one growled. Kaoru winced at the use of swear words and looked at Dr. Genzai, who waved his okay. His granddaughters were used to Sanosuke, but didn't care for the use of vulgar words anyway.
"Close enough," Sanosuke retorted. There was a silence. Nobody seemed to see any further resemblance. The old lady sighed.
"In times of non-duress, they're all peaceful," she told them. The strawberry blonde snorted.
"And only in times of non-duress, ne, Aya-chan?" he winked. The redhead glared.
"Don't call me that."
"Anou... Tasuki-kun, you're not peaceful even in times of non-duress, no da," the blue-haired whispered, but everyone else caught it.
"What else?" Kaoru asked, trying to draw out similarities between the gruff flame-haired man and her darling Kenshin.
"They all had unorthodox, presently uncomfortable to discuss pasts," the lady sighed, obviously not pleased with having to provide the answers. Kenshin shifted uneasily, as did the redhead called Aya and the green-eyed redhead.
"I didn't have an fucking unorthodox past, damnit. I had a pretty good living. Unless you can call being squashed by ya mom's gigantic breasts difficult," the one called Tasuki grumbled. Behind him, the blue-haired one shifted, trying to hide behind his partner.
"They're all polite and soft-spoken?" Yahiko suggested, drawing on the most obvious Kenshin characteristic.
"Yes, he is... Aren't you, Aya-chan my love?" the strawberry blonde teased. Everyone, minus Saitoh, sweatdropped at the blatant display. The redhead glared at him again. He seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face, and a 'glare' was actually a fiercer version of the scowl.
"Yes, he is," the short, spiky-haired boy rumbled. Everyone looked pointedly at the one called Tasuki.
"Okay, wait. You," Sanosuke pointed at Tasuki, who bared his fangs and growled. "You don't exactly have red hair, you're not peaceful, you cuss like hell and you didn't have a difficult history. What the hell are you doing here?"
"How the fuck should I know?" the fanged one retorted. Silence.
"I give up no da! It's me no da, not Tasuki-kun na no da!!" the blue-haired one confessed despairingly, still hiding behind the flame-haired young man.
"What're you talking about? You have blue hair!" Yahiko pointed out.
"Leave Chichiri out of this," Tasuki growled, clenching his fists.
"I-ya, Tasuki-kun. Gomen for keeping this secret, but I liked blue, no da!" the one called Chichiri admitted.
"I'm confused," Sanosuke muttered.
"My hair was originally scarlet red no da... kind of like Aya-kun there, no da," Chichiri said miserably.
"Okay, so _you_ have red hair, you're peaceful, you're polite and you had a difficult past?" Sanosuke clarified. Chichiri nodded.
"Taiitsukun said blue suited me better, no da! And I liked blue! So I used my magic to turn my hair blue na no da..." Chichiri explained.
"Magic de gozaru?"
"Hai no da. I'm a mage."
"Funny speech patterns," Yahiko suggested, giggling a little.
"De gozaru," Sanosuke offered.
"No da?" It was Tasuki, who was still a little surprised that his beloved Chichiri had redder hair than him. Fuck it. He liked his Chiri's hair blue, too.
"Takatori shi-ne?" the strawberry blonde giggled, then burst out laughing, as if he had said something funny.
"Yoji..." Aya warned, glaring at his partner. They all looked to the green-eyed redhead, who smiled gently.
"I don't have any strange speech patterns. Sorry."
"Does he talk too much?" Saitoh finally spoke up. The short, spiky-haired one smirked.
"Hn. He does. All the time."
"That's our speech connection then," Saitoh smirked as well.
"Hiei?" the green-eyed one inquired, looking hurt.
"Hn. You do, fox."
"But you love shutting me up so, Hiei," the one referred to as 'fox' purred. Everyone sweatdropped again... minus Saitoh, who did the eyebrow twitch thing.
"Hn. Shut up, baka."
"Okay, next!" Kaoru hurriedly said.
"Masks," the old lady chortled. All the redheads in question shifted, casting their eyes downward, with the exception of the violet-eyed ear-tailed one, who glared at the woman.
"You know she's right," Yoji murmured into his partner's ear, flicking a tongue out to lick at the earlobe.
"Yoji!" the redhead warned sharply. This brought everyone to the next connection. It was the most obvious, but also the most... controversial.
"Umm... we're all homosexual?" Tasuki scratched his head.
Kenshin promptly fell over, as did the rest of the Kenshin Gumi... minus Saitoh.
"O-oroooooo..."
"Kenshin!! What is the meaning of this?!" Kaoru and Megumi grabbed him by the collar of his gi and started shaking the swirly-eyed rurouni.
"And they're all uke?" Tasuki suggested, smirking.
"Tasuki-kun!!" Chichiri squeaked.
"O-ORO!" Kenshin fell over again.
"I am not uke," the ear-tailed one growled.
"You were last night," the blonde teased, nibbling on an earlobe.
"Once."
"And the night before."
"Twice."
"And-"
"Yoji. Shut up."
"Isn't he supposed to be uke?" Sanosuke pointed at the short, spiky-haired boy. The boy promptly growled deep in his throat.
"Over my dead body."
Thus the night was filled with outraged cries of "KENSHIN no baka!!!!" and "Ken-san! How could you?!"
A knowing smirk exchanged between a spiky-haired ex-Sekihoutai and a policeman ex-Shinsen Gumi went unnoticed as they silently plotted.
*~*~*~*
Owari. The end. At long last. ^_^;;
Feedback please? Please? ^_^