Voice from nowhere: Today, on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'...
<creepy music><applause>
Mamoru: Who the heck put me here?! Why do I have to be Regis?!
Author: You dress most like him...oooh...don't tell HIM that.
Mamoru: But I'M smart! I should be a contestant, it's not my fault the
animators put me in a stupid blazer! I bet I could win. PLEASE, let me
compete! I'm smart! I shouldn't be the question-asker-dude! Get someone
stupid to be!
Author: I thought I did...
Mamoru: It's NOT FAIR! I can win! Let me prove it!
Audience: <boos>
Author: Maybe next time...just do your job or I'll have something bad happen
to you. I AM the author, you know.
Mamoru: Go ahead...I call your bluff.
Author: Okay.
Mamoru: <now in a gray suit with a solid colored tie> NOOOO!!!
Author: There, now you HAVE to be Regis.
Mamoru: Grrr...okay, FINE! <in a monotone voice>Well, we have ten brand new
contestants, they are...Usagi Tsukino from Tokyo, Japan; Rei Hino from
Tokyo, Japan...aw, cut the Tokyo, Japan crap, how's that supposed to help?
Well, continuing...Makoto Kino, Ami Mizuno, Minako Aino, Heero Yuy, Duo
Maxwell, Quatre Ra...Ra...whatever Winner, Trowa Barton...stupid name...
Trowa: It's SUPPOSED to be Triton Bloom.
Mamoru: Even MORE stupid...and Chang Wufei. <monotone>So contestants, are
you ready to play 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'? <looks over at
contestants>
Wufei: What?! Are you telling me I have to compete against women?! Come
on! Bring me some good competition.
Duo: Yeah, Gundam pilots are SO much smarter than ditzy Sailor Scouts.
Makoto: <grabs Duo's collar> Watch it, buddy...it's SENSHI, got it?
Heero: Either way, you're still ditzy and airheaded.
Rei: Who are you calling ditzy?!
Minako: And who are you calling airh...?! Wait, is this anime or manga?
Author: Anime.
Minako: Okay, then, never mind.
Quatre: You shouldn't be arguing.
Ami: People are watching, mind your manners!
Trowa: <stares>...
Duo: I'll beat you!
Minako: Let's just SEE about THAT!
Heero: We are Gundam pilots, it takes brains to work one of those things,
how hard is it to fight puny weakling monsters that can be defeated with
pixie dust?
Usagi: It might be pixie dust but it's pixie dust with the power of the moon
kingdom!
Heero: Either way, we have more intelligence than you.
Usagi: NOT!
Rei: Girls are proven to be smarter than boys are!
Wufei: Woman, shut up! We're smarter and YOU know it!
Rei: You are SO sexist, aren't you?
Wufei: And you are SO feminist, aren't you?
Makoto: But, we have AMI! None of you can beat AMI!
Trowa: Hmph...
Makoto: Hey, you kinda look like my old boyfriend...I think it's the hair...
Trowa: WHAT?! Someone has MY hairstyle?! MY HAIR?!
Makoto: Not exactly, just kinda...
Trowa: Oh...
Ami: It's just a game!
Quatre: Yeah, a game doesn't prove ANYTHING. Stop fighting!
Ami: I agree!
Others: <not paying any attention>
Mamoru: ...
<more arguing between Usagi and Heero, Makoto and Trowa, Minako and Duo, Rei
and Wufei>
Mamoru: OKAY! SHUT UP SO WE CAN GET THIS STUPID GAME OVER WITH!!!
All: <silence>
Mamoru: THANK you! <monotone> To decide who will be our first contestant, we
will have a Fastest Finger Question. A question will appear followed by
four answers. The contestant who puts the answers in the correct order in
the fastest amount of time will become our new contestant. Are you ready?
Contestants: <glare at each other>
Audience: <sweatdrop>
Mamoru: Let's play 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'! How many times do I
have to say that?
Author: Dunno...
Mamoru: The first question...put these Sailor Sc...
Sailors: <glare at him>
Mamoru: Uh...Sailor SENSHI...in order of their birth from youngest to
oldest.
Duo: That is SO biased! Just because you're from THEIR show!
Mamoru: I didn't make the questions, so shut up and sit down!
Heero: <points a gun at Darien> If the next question isn't Gundam Wing, I'll
kill you...
Author: Well, that means the next question won't be Gundam Wing...wait, then
nobody can be Regis...@#$%!
Mamoru: Okay, so the answer choices are A: Mercury, B: Mars, C: Jupiter, D:
Venus...
Serena: Hey you left me out! You're my boyfriend, how could you leave ME
out?!
Mamoru: Get this straight, everyone, I DO NOT write the questions! Okay,
your time's running out...okay, the correct order is C: Jupiter, D: Venus,
A: Mercury, B: Mars. I knew that! But NO, I can't compete because I have
to be stupid REGIS! And the one who got it correct in the fastest
time...Quatre...whatever!
Gundam pilots: QUATRE?!
Quatre: I have 29 sisters...think about it.
Gundam pilots: Oh...
Sailors: That is SO degrading! Not getting our own question right! How can
that be possible!?!
Gundam pilots: Haha!
Sailors: <stick out tongues>
Quatre: <sits down>
Mamoru: The rules are...aw, come on, don't tell me after watching this show
over and over and over and over...
Audience: We get your point!!!
Mamoru: You don't need the rules, do you?
Quatre: Nope.
Mamoru: Okay, let's play 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'! How many times do
I have to say that?!
Author: <sigh>...
Mamoru: First question...which Gundam's weapon is a scythe? A: Heavyarms,
B: Wing, C: Deathscythe, D: Sandrock.
Duo: <shouting> Quatre, if you don't get this right, you're gonna get hurt
by the great Shinigami! BWAHAHAHA!
All: We know, we know...
Quatre: Well, let's go with C: Deathscythe.
Mamoru: Is that your final answer?
Quatre: Yeah.
Mamoru: And you got it right for 100 dollars. Next question...which Senshi
is the oldest? A: Uranus, B: Neptune, C: Saturn, D: Pluto.
Quatre: Well, considering that Pluto has existed since the beginning of
time, let's go with D: Pluto.
Mamoru: Final answer?
Quatre: Yeah.
Darien: Correct for 200 dollars. Wow, you're on a roll.
Mina: It's only been two questions!
Mamoru: It's my job as Regis to make the contestants feel good even when
they suck!
Minako: Oh...
Mamoru: For 300 dollars, here's the question. Which of these Pokemon
characters appears in Pokemon centers everywhere? A: Officer Jenny, B:
Brock, C: Nurse Joy, D: Ash.
Quatre: That's a cinch, C: Nurse Joy. Final answer.
Mamoru: Right, for 300 dollars. The next question...Which character in
Ranma 1/2 turns into a panda, A: Ranma, B: Genma, C: Ryoga, D: Mousse?
Quatre: I'll use 50/50.
Mamoru: Computer, please take away 2 choices leaving Quatre with the answer
and another choice.
Computer: B: Genma
Mamoru: Hey! Isn't there supposed to be more than one answer?
Heero: I hacked into the computer so that only the correct answer would be
left.
Usagi: Hey! That is SO not fair!
Quatre: I choose B: Genma.
Mamoru: That is correct, you now have 500 dollars. Going for 1000, if you
miss, you lose all your money, but if you get this right, you'll be
guaranteed to leave here with at least 1000 dollars.
Quatre: Okay...<nervous>
Mamoru: According to popular opinion, who is the best Gundam pilot? A: Duo,
B: Wufei, C: Trowa, D: Heero.
Quatre: I was sure until the public opinion part. I think I'll poll the
audience.
Darien: Forget the directions, you know what to do...
Audience: 40% A, 21% B, 0% C (Bwahaha! Trowa will suffer!), and 39% D.
Heero: WHAT?!?! Of course I'm the best pilot! Every idiot knows that!
Audience member: Duo is the best!
Heero: <shoots somewhere into the audience> <screaming> <silence> Quatre, I
don't care what the audience says, if you don't pick me, I'll shoot you.
Quatre: Um...okay, I pick D: Heero.
Mamoru: So, you're going against the audience?
Quatre: I don't really have a choice, do I <looking at Heero's gun>?
Mamoru: You are RIGHT for 1000 dollars.
Heero: Told you so.
Usagi: He is SO conceited.
Rei: Reminds you of someone, doesn't it?
Mamoru: Now you are guaranteed to...blah, blah, blah. Next question for
2000 bucks. Who is the talking cat in Sailor Moon...the black one, that is.
A: Luna, B: Artemis, C: Diana, D: Felix.
Quatre: Well, Artemis is a girl's name, so I'll go with B...
Minako: Don't tease him, just because there isn't a guy's name for the moon!
Usagi: Yeah, and he's a guy!
Quatre: Oh, so if HE'S the guy, then Luna must be the girl, right?
Makoto: Finally figured it out, brainiac?
Quatre: A: Luna.
Mamoru: No...
Sailors: WHAT?!
Mamoru: No DUH!
Sailors: Better...
Quatre: Yay, I have 2000 bucks!
Mamoru: Now, going for 4000 dollars...What is the name of the Professor who
is friends with Ash in Pokemon? A: Maple, B: Oak, C: Dogwood, D: Pecan.
Quatre: It's Oak, final answer.
Mamoru: Right for 4000 dollars. Next question, who is the main character in
the Wizard of Oz?
All Gundam pilots: OZ! Oz is evil. <take out guns>Where?! Where is the
leader?! Oz is evil! Oz must be destroyed!!!
Sailors: <sigh> You never learn, do you.
Gundam pilots: Sorry, it's a reflex.
Sailors: Oh...
Heero: Well, don't get nega-
Sailors: WHAT?! Did you say Negaverse? Where?! Where's the monster? Time
to transform!
Heero: I was going to say NEGATIVE feelings...
Sailors: Oh...
Gundam pilots: See what we mean...?
Sailors: Don't get so grouchy about it!
Gundam pilots: Well, don't get so annoying about it!
<glare at each other>
Mamoru: <sweatdrop> Is this a game show or is this Jerry Springer?
Quatre: Seems more like Celebrity Death Match to me...
Mamoru: Well, just ignore them. So, the main character in...you know what.
A: Dorothy...
Quatre: NOOOO!!!! She stabbed me! Dorothy is evil!!! <runs out of the
room>
Mamoru: Ummm...and I thought he was the normal one...
Author: Dorothy will hang and burn in effigy! (inside joke, if you don't get
it, don't worry, you're not stupid...hopefully)
Mamoru: Okay...it seems to me like we need another fastest finger question.
Put these Gundams in order from strongest to weakest.
Heero: All right!
Duo: Of course Deathscythe is the best.
Trowa: No, actually Heavyarms...
Wufei: What do you mean?! MY Nataku is definitely the best, after all the
care I gave it...
Sailors: <evil look> Heehee...this will be interesting...
Mamoru: The choices are A: Wing Zero B: Gundam Wing, C: Deathscythe, D:
Talgese.
Wufei: WHAT?! You didn't put my LOVELY Nataku there?! After all the love
and care I gave it, it HAS to be there!!! What is your problem? <draws out
sword>
Mamoru: <sigh><completely ignoring sword>I TOLD you already, I do NOT make
the questions...listen will ya?
Wufei: GRRRR....!!!
Mamoru: And the answers in the correct order are...A: Wing Zero, B: Gundam
Wing, D: Talgese, C: Deathscythe. And the person who got it correct in the
fastest amount of time is...AMI MIZUNO!
Sailors: HA! We TOLD you Amy would get on!
Duo: But...but...Deathscythe is the best! You will feel the wrath of the
great and almighty Shini...<click><looks up>
Heero: <pointing gun in Duo's face>Look Ranma boy, if you dare say that in
front of me one more time, that braid...not to mention your whole
head...will be blown off. Got it?
Duo: <gulps>Yeah...hehe...
Ami: <sits down>
Mamoru: First question...
Ami: Aren't you going to ask me about my life?
Mamoru: You don't HAVE a life so...first question, who is the character on
Pokemon that owns mostly water Pokemon? A: Ash, B: Tracey, C: Brock, D:
Misty.
Ami: Since I love water...of course, D: Misty.
Mamoru: Final answer? Look, is it just me, or is the whole 'Final answer?'
thing getting on everybody's nerves. And, you, yeah, you the author, don't
you get sick of writing that?
Author: Yeah, I didn't even catch my mistake until someone pointed it out to
me...
Mamoru: Right, so we agree...
Author: Agree? Agree?! AGREE?!?! WITH DARIEN?!?! What is WRONG with
me?!?!
Mamoru: D is the correct answer. For 200 dollars...which of the following
characters does NOT have alter egos? A: Serena, B: Ranma, C: Ami, D: Jessie.
Ami: Well, it's Jessie.
Mamoru: Right! For 300 dollars...what did Ranma fall into to turn him into
a girl? A: Spring, B: Pool, C: Ocean, D: Volcano.
Amy: Well, chlorine can't do anything to you, the ocean doesn't harm you,
and the extreme heat of the volcano from the magma steaming inside would
certainly kill a normal person in less than a minute. So, I go with A:
Spring.
Mamoru: Right, for 300 dollars...going for 500! Who in Ronin Warriors has a
bow and arrow? A: Ryo, B: Rowen, C: Sage, D: Psi.
Ami: Um...B: Rowen, he's the one that has the arrow!
Mamoru: Right for 500, and now, oh, the SO exciting 1000 dollar question.
Drumroll please! <silence>I don't get paid enough. Okay, how old was Usagi
when she first became Sailor Moon? A: 12...
Usagi: Insulting!
Mamoru: B: 13...
Minako: I was Sailor V by then, I think...wait, how old WAS I? Oh yeah, I
was the same age!
Darien: C: 14...
Ami: I think that's about right.
Rei: Yeah, that was when she started pestering me. Oh, Happy B-day Serena
(I'm writing this part on June 30)!
Usagi: Thank you! Although YOU <pointing at Mamoru> forgot!
Mamoru: <whimpering> I never even KNEW...
Ami: 14! I go with C: 14!!!
Mamoru: Don't you want to hear the fourth answer choice?
Ami: NO!
Mamoru: Right for 1000 dollars. Now for a commercial break!
<commercials that last for 10 minutes>
Mamoru: Now, for the 2000 dollar question...How many clones of Rei Ayanami
were in Neon Genesis Evangelion? A: 1, B: 2, C:3, D:4.
Ami: I think I'll use a lifeline.
Mamoru: Oh, which one?
Ami: Audience.
Audience: 0% A, 1% B, 98% C, 1% D.
Ami: I feel so stupid...I go with C: 3.
Mamoru: Yeah, you should. And C is the correct answer! For 4000
dollars...Who is the princess in Tenchi Muyo?
Ami: <nervous breakdown>I DON'T WATCH ANIME!!! I LEAVE!! I LEAVE!!!
Sailors: What?! Ami, you are our only hope!
Gundam pilots: Yeah, without her, you're nothing.
Rei: Oh yeah, I'm an otaku. Wait till I go up there!
Wufei: Still, I'm a man.
Rei: Hardly...
Sailors: REALLY?! I thought you were a girl.
Mamoru: So did I.
Author: So did I.
Gundam pilots: So did we! You're a GUY?!
Wufei: GRRRRR.....
Rei: Well, you are pretty weak...
Wufei: For your information, I happen to be a skilled swordsman and my
Nataku is the best.
Heero: I'm insane, but not so insane as to name my Gundam.
Wufei: Fine, WOMAN, I challenge you to a sword fight!
Rei: I usually don't fight with people who have no skill, but if it teaches
you a lesson...
Wufei: Hey! I'm supposed to be saying that to YOU, woman!
Rei: My name is Rei.
Wufei: Whatever, woman, are you going to fight me or not?
Rei: Just a sec...oh, Haruka...
Haruka: <enters>
Rei: I need to borrow your sword, please.
Haruka: No problem...be careful, it IS part of my heart crystal.
Rei: Okay.
Haruka: <hands over sword to Rei>Good luck, and who says guys are better
than girls. I could kick your <bleep, remember, this is public television,
not MTV> at racing. I bet I could pilot that stupid machine of yours better
than you can.<leaves>
Rei: Okay, let's go.
Wufei: I'll show YOU, woman.
<both leave>
All: ...
Mamoru: Next fastest finger question...put these circus animals in order of
size from largest to smallest. A: Elephant, B: Dogs, C: Tiger, D:
Monkey...the answer in the correct order is a: Elephant, C: Tiger, B: Dog.
D: Monkey...the person who got it correct in the fastest amount of time
is...Trowa!
Trowa: <sits>
Mamoru: First question...Who is the creator of Sailor Moon...A: Satoshi
Tajiri, B: Naoko Takeuchi...
Trowa: I didn't want to be here in the first place, he <points at Duo> made
me come, so...if you don't mind, I'll leave. <leaves>
Mamoru: Oh...
Heero: Wow! That's the most he's ever said in one sentence.
Makoto: Yeah, I'm not smart, either, I think I'll go cook and just leave.
Usagi: You're smart!
Minako: Unlike you, Serena.
Usagi: HEY!!! Lita, please stay.
Makoto: I'm baking cookies. I need to get home to make them perfect.
Usagi: Oh...then, in that case...be sure to save some for me! Bye!
Makoto: Bye! <leaves>
Minako: Okay, next question is mine.
Duo: Mine!
Minako: Mine!
Duo: Mine!
Minako: No, MINE!
Duo: MINE! <takes out gun>
Minako: MINE! <transforms>
Duo: <shoots but misses>
Minako: Venus Love Chain ENCIRCLE! <misses>
Duo: <bullet hits some unknown audience member>
Minako: <chain gives a little boy a concussion>
Mamoru: THAT'S IT!!! Get OUT! NOW!!!
From outside: BOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!
All: What was that?
Voice of Rei: Oops.
Voice of Wufei: Look what you did, woman!
Voice of Rei: Stop calling me woman, my name is Rei!
Voice of Wufei: Woman! You BLEW up my precious Nataku. She was my best
friend.
Voice of Rei: Shut up you wimp, it's a machine.
Voice of Wufei: But it has sentimental value!
Voice of Rei: Well, you never told me that was the self-designate button.
Voice of Wufei: It was RED! Red always means dangerous!
Voice of Rei: MY color is red!
Voice of Wufei: My point exactly...
Voice of Rei: It didn't say "Self Destruct Button" on there!
Voice of Wufie: BUT YOU BLEW UP NATAKU!
Voice of Rei: It's called Shenlong, there is really no need to give it yet
another name!
Voice of Wufei: Woman, have you no dignity? How dare you call it THAT.
<arguing continues><silence>
All: Okay...??
Mamoru: Now, back to where I was...SECURITY!!! Remove them!
<security comes and takes Mina and Duo away>
Minako: Hey, it was an accident! And HE started it!
Duo: No, SHE did, and you didn't arrest Heero for shooting someone...just
because he's the main character!
Heero: <smirks>
<Duo and Minako argue><fades as security drags them away>
Mamoru: Okay, shall we continue? Our LAST fastest finger question...Put
these candies in order of their size from largest to smallest...A: Crunch,
B: M&Ms, C: Tootsie Roll, D: Twix...the answer in the correct order is...A:
Crunch, D: Twix, C: Tootsie Roll, B: M&Ms...and the contestant who got it
correct in the fastest amount of time...USAGI TSUKINO.
Usagi: I got on? YAY! <sits> Hi, Darien!
Mamoru: Hi, Usagi. I'm Regis right now, so...
Usagi: Yeah, sure! So...REGIS, are we still going out tonight?
Mamoru: <blushing>
Audience: <murmuring>
Author: <laughing hysterically for no apparent reason>
Mamoru: First question...
Usagi: B.
Mamoru: Don't you want to hear the questions first?
Usagi: No, B.
Mamoru: And that is...correct?
Usagi: YAY!
Mamoru: Next question for 200 dol...
Usagi: D.
Mamoru: Um...right again. For 300 dollars...
Usagi: A.
Mamoru: Serena...are you cheating?
Usagi: No, just guessing...
Mamoru: Sheesh, if you guessed like this on tests, you wouldn't fail.
Correct for 300 dollars. Now for 500...
Usagi: C.
Mamoru: Right. For 1000...
Usagi: B.
Mamoru: <sigh> For 2000
Usagi: D.
Mamoru: <sweatdrop> For 4000...
Usagi: A.
Mamoru: <beginning to freak out> For 8000...
Usagi: B.
Mamoru: <staring skeptically> For 16,000...
Usagi: C.
Mamoru: <about to have a nervous breakdown> For 32,000...
Usagi: D.
Mamoru: Uh...Serena, are you SURE you're just guessing?
Usagi: Yeah...
Mamoru: For 64,000...
Usagi: D.
Mamoru: THAT IS INCORRECT! WHOOPEE!!! YAY!!! <calms down> Sorry...the
correct answer is C: Sailor Moon, but you still leave with 32,000 dollars.
Congratulations!
Usagi: Okay...<leaves>
Mamoru: So, since Heero is our only contestant left, he automatically comes
up!
Heero: <sits><takes out gun><points gun at Mamoru's head>Look, I really
don't want to go through with all this so give me the money or you die.
Mamoru: As Regis, I cannot do that.
Heero: Okay...<starts pulling on trigger>
Mamoru: But then again, I'm not REALLY Regis, so here you go! Please don't
shoot me! <hands over the 1,000,000 dollar check>
Heero: <walking away with check> That wasn't so hard...
Mamoru: Uh...thank you for watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'!
The End...
So, how'd you like it? Email me, I'm dying for responses! Yes, it was
short, but I have a short attention span.