The Vamp and the Letch
A Vampire Princess Miyu / Urusei Yatsura spamfic
By Henry J. Cobb
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A subaverage-looking boy of seventeen walks along a Tomobiki street. behind him floats an Oni, of about the same age, but much better looking. She is dressed in a tiger-stripe bikini with matching boots. Her green hair hangs freely from around her horns.
"Leave me alone, Lum! I want to go out on a date", he complains.
"Darling!, why don't you date me?" As she speaks she displays an impressive set of fangs.
An evil leer spreads across his face for a moment, but before she can see it he straightens out his features. "I just can't, that's all."
"Shinma, show yourself!"
"Huh?", the boy looks up at a girl sitting on the archway in front of him. She is thirteen or so and wears a white kimono with a red obi. Her brunette hair is tied off to her left with a red ribbon that wraps around her ponytail, a brown cord is wrapped around her right foot. Her eyes are gold.
"And who are you?" He asks, moving around to try and look up her kimono.
She shifts around then blows into her palm, igniting a flame. She gestures and flames leap down to surround the boy. "Very well, I will drive you out."
"Don't you dare attack my Darling!" The Oni flies up and throws miniature lightning bolts at the smaller girl, who jumps to the side, aborting her attack.
Suddenly a tall, black robed figure appears behind the Oni and his white, inhuman hands grab her. She responds with an electric charge, but he hangs on. His expression is unreadable behind his white mask, but he gives a quiet grunt of pain.
The smaller girl jumps down next to the boy and is about to resume her attack, when a dwarfish figure emerges from him and he slumps, lifeless, to the ground.
"Darling!" The Oni summons hysterical strength and breaks free to grab the boy from the ground into her arms.
"Happi is here!" The dwarf announces as he grabs ahold of the sides of the smaller girl's kimono and rubs his face in what there is of her thirteen-year-old cleavage.
The tall masked figure gestures and a red streak flies down to strike the dwarf.
"Ouch!" The dwarf leaps away, one hand rubbing his backside as he pulls out a small bomb with a hissing fuse with the other. "A tough guy, eh?"
The masked figure gestures again and a streak flashes to the bomb, detonating it.
Stunned, the dwarf does not resist as the smaller girl uses one hand to readjust her kimono, the other to set the flames around him. "Happousai, I banish you to the outer darkness!"
A portal opens above the dwarf and he is sucked in with a final cry of "Akane!"
"My Darling is dead!" The Oni looks up from the boy, tears falling freely from her eyes.
"That is the nature of the Shinma, they steal lives", The smaller girl approaches her, "You seem consumed with grief... I can help you with that."
"You -- you!" The Oni's eyes fill with insane rage as she looks at the smaller girl, "You killed my Darling!"
"Maybe some other time." The smaller girl offers as she is chased by the lightning-tossing Oni.