Nakago sighed in a long-suffering manner. The little girl had finally given up on her pitiful wailing, and now she was happily playing with his goblins, as far away from the throne as she could get. Not that that didn't please Nakago just as much as it did Yuiren. But her young, high-pitched voice and shrill giggling still carried perfectly well, and he was rapidly developing a classic migraine.

"I need to get out of here," Nakago muttered to himself. Actually, he really ought to check on Tamahome's progress. If there was too much, or too little, things would need to be tweaked. He'd worked things out perfectly, but that brat seemed to always find a way to throw even his most carefully laid plans off balance.

"Keep an eye on things 'til I return," he instructed the goblin who had taken over the late Head of the Guard's position. The little goblin bowed deeply. "And keep that child in this room!" Nakago scowled, rubbing his forehead as he strode from the throneroom. He shouldn't have to tell people these things! He was always surrounded by incompetents.

***

"YAAAAAAaaaaah--OOF!"

Tamahome grunted as he landed heavily on his rear. "Itai...."

There was a loud slamming sound above him, and he was plunged into utter darkness. It was so black it made his eyes hurt. He sneezed in the dust his landing had raised in the stale air. There was a heavy sense of being surrounded closely on all sides, but he couldn't feel anything except the dusty floor upon which he was sitting. "What the hell--?"

"Hn."

Tamahome stiffened at the sound of an amused grunt from the blackness around him.

"Dare da?"

"Who do ya #$%&in' think it is?" asked a raspy voice from somewhere in the darkness near him.

"Hoggle?" Tamahome yelped as a fist crashed into the back of his head, sending him to the floor. "Itai! I mean, Tasuki?"

"That's *%$^in' better," Tasuki grumbled.

Tamahome sneezed again. "Where the hell are we?!"

Tasuki chuckled. "We're in the oubliette."

"What the %*^# is that?!" asked Tamahome, rubbing his tickling nose.

"Beats the hell outta me," answered Tasuki mildly.

Tamahome groped blindly in the dark.

"Oi! Watch it, ya hentai!"

"Oh, shut up!" Tamahome managed to grab the front of Tasuki's jacket. He clung to the stiff leather like a life-line. He didn't like this deep blackness, and Tasuki was a warm, breathing presence, a small bit of comfort in the void. Even if he *was* an asshole. "So how do we get out of here?"

"Well, ya could wait 'til the *#@$in' Goblin King comes to 'rescue' you," Tasuki suggested, chuckling slightly.

"That's not even funny!" Tamahome snarled, jerking a little on the material bunched in his fists. The movement pulled Tasuki closer, so that Tamahome could feel the bandit's breath blowing hot against his face.

"I can get ya outta here," Tasuki said, his voice still amused. "But what do I %#@*&in' get out of it?"

Tamahome blinked. He didn't think he had anything on him, not even a watch. "Uh...."

"I'm waiting."

"You have to leave here some time too," Tamahome pointed out aggressively.

"Yeah." Tasuki shrugged. "But I could j'st beat ya #$^%in' senseless first. Then leave ya here to wait fer the Goblin King, or to rot, whichever happened first."

Tamahome shivered at the thought of either possibility. "Can't we work something out?"

"I'm listening."

Tamahome's mind worked desperately. "K'so! I don't suppose you'd take an I.O.U.?"

"From you?" Tasuki collapsed backwards in hysterical laughter. Tamahome didn't dare to let go of the other man's jacket, so he was tugged forward by that move and sprawled atop Tasuki. "Oof!"

He winced, fully expecting Tasuki to whack him and call him a 'hentai' again. Instead, a pair of strong arms closed around his waist. He started in surprise, but didn't dare to pull away. He was still afraid Tasuki would leave him alone in the darkness, and he just couldn't take that idea.

"Well," Tasuki breathed against his temple, his normally harsh voice softened a little, sounding more husky than brash. "There's always the payment you claimed from Miaka."

Tamahome blinked rapidly, gulping. "I-- You-- What--?"

Warm lips brushed softly against his brow. He shivered but held still. He *had* to get out of here, and Tasuki was his only link to the outside world. Then Tasuki dropped a light kiss on his nose, almost making him sneeze again. He opened his mouth to protest, then froze in shock as Tasuki's own mouth closed over his, hot and demanding. Miaka had never kissed him like this!

*Oh-my-God! I can't believe he's kissing me!*

But even as this thought ran through his head Tamahome found he was parting his lips to allow Tasuki's tongue entrance. The two kissed, long and deeply, and Tamahome could certainly never say that he didn't enjoy it.

But finally Tasuki pulled away. "All right. I'll consider us even."

"Ne?" Tamahome was dazed, trying to find a sense of reality in the heated darkness. Desire was flaming through his body, and Tasuki was close and solid in his enforced blindness.

"I thought you wanted out of here?" Tasuki asked, his voice amused once more.

"I-- uh...."

"Unless you'd like to stay right here on the floor and finish what we started...."

"Kya!" Tamahome jumped up, pulling out of Tasuki's arms.

Tasuki howled with laughter. "Right. Lekka Shien!"

Tamahome blinked in the light of the small gout of flames that had sprung up on the tip of Tasuki's fan like a torch. His eyes watered and stung. When he could finally see again, he glanced cautiously around, avoiding looking at Tasuki as long as possible.

Not that their surroundings were very interesting. A dull, dark room, walls on all sides, a grate in the ceiling, no visible way out.

He finally dared to look at Tasuki, who was grinning toothily at him, not looking at all discomfited. Tamahome tried not to blush. If Tasuki could act as though nothing had happened, so could he!

"There's no door," he said blankly.

Tasuki chuckled. "There's always a door. Here, hold this." He shoved the fan into Tamahome's hand. "You just gotta know where to &^*$in' look!"

He strode to one side of the oubliette and bent, grasping a handle Tamahome hadn't noticed before -- probably because everything was covered in a couple inches of dust. With a grunt, Tasuki heaved a section of the floor up, slamming it into the wall. Suddenly there was a door. Grabbing the knob, Tasuki wrenched it open.

"$#^%&*^$$!@$@^&$&!!" he yelled as a clutter of pots and pans and various junk spilled out over him. "#$%$^%##$!" He kicked everything back inside and slammed the door shut. "When's Koji ever gonna learn to clean up after himself?!" With a low snarl, he grabbed a knob on the other side of the door and tugged.

Clean blue light flooded through the doorway that had suddenly appeared in the wall. Tamahome breathed a sigh of relief as Tasuki reclaimed his fan and snuffed the flames.

He was finally on his way again!

Yuiren halted in her play -- she was dressing one of the goblin-men up in a frilly pink outfit and pretending he was Soi -- and glanced around. Where had the nasty-bad man gone? She didn't see him in his big chair, or anywhere else in the wide room. Hm. Well, she couldn't leave to look for Niichan; one of the goblin-men had told her that. But that big chair looked like it might be fun to sit in.

Grabbing her stuffed bunny and leaving the Captain of the Goblin Guard to rip the dress off as quickly as he could while his companions snickered, she trotted across the room, stepping over and around prone goblin bodies and dodging flying chickens. She was getting used to this place, and, really, it wasn't any louder than the house when Niichan was arguing with Soi.

She was barely able to reach the seat of the throne, and she couldn't climb up it herself, but one of the helpful goblin-men gave her a boost.

"Arigatou!" she made sure to say politely as he handed her bunny up to her. He winked a beady black eye and scampered away.

Yuiren yawned widely and looked around. The seat was big and round, and the cushion under her was soft. There were a few small pillows, and a nice length of black velvet cloth that looked like a pretty blanket to Yuiren. "A little bed for Yuiren-chan!" She smiled, and arranged things to her liking.

Resting her head against one of the pillows, the velvet draped over her pink pajamas, her blue bunny clutched to her chest, Yuiren fell sound asleep. After all, it was way past her bedtime, and she'd had a lot of excitement lately!

***

"Don't go on!"

"This is not the way!"

"Take heed, and go no further!"

"Beeeeware! Beeeeeeware!"

"Soon it will be too late."

Tamahome glanced back and forth incredulously at the huge faces carved into the stone walls around he and Tasuki, that were speaking warnings as they walked along the tunnel that the oubliette door had opened into.

"Shut the $%@#* up!" Tasuki demanded.

"What ARE those?!" asked Tamahome.

Tasuki shrugged. "Beats the %$^&# outta me. Annoying as hell though!"

"Oh, no, we're not!"

"Yes, you ^%#*@in' are!" Tasuki shot back. "Every time I come through here, you say the same &^*#$@#in' thing! And every time, you're dead wrong!"

"Sorry, just doing our jobs," one face muttered sullenly.

Tamahome sighed. "So where are we going?" he asked.

"You said you wanted out," Tasuki said, looking suddenly shifty eyed.

Tamahome stopped. "Out of the oubliette. I hope you're not doing anything stupid, like leading me out of the Labyrinth!"

"Why the $#%& not? You're better off as far away from the $#^%in' King as possible."

"You idiot!" Tamahome yelled, grabbing Tasuki's collar again. "I need to go get my sister!"

"All right, all right." Tasuki sighed. "It's your funeral. I'll take ya as far as I can go toward the $#%^!@in' castle."

Tamahome's eyes narrowed. After letting Tasuki kiss him, he wasn't letting the bandit off *that* easily, and this sounded like a cop out to him. "What does that mean? Exactly how far can you go?"

"As far as you want, sweetie," Tasuki cooed in his face.

"Augh!" Tamahome let go of the jacket, which Tasuki then tugged straight, grinning like a maniac.

"Just kiddin', ya doof. Truth is, I can't take ya all the way to the &*%$$in' center. But I'll take ya far as I can. After that yer on yer $#@%in' own. Ne?"

"What choice do I have?"

"None. Pretty *&^$in' good deal, ne?"

"For you."

Tasuki chuckled and resumed pacing down the tunnel. Tamahome sighed, but he really didn't have any choice, and after a moment, he followed. "This really bites."

"Don't you $^%*in' know it!"

"BEWARE! For the--"

"LEKKA SHIEN!"

"AUGH!"

"That wasn't necessary, was it?" asked Tamahome, though he was grinning as he regarded the scorched stone that didn't dare to say another word.

Tasuki just smirked.

Suddenly a strong chi sprang into existence before them.

"Aw, shit," Tasuki whined, his shoulders slumping.

Tamahome stiffened. "Nakago!"

"Matte! Matte, you #@&in' idiot!" Tasuki yelled as Tamahome dashed forward and around a corner. "Ch'!" Reluctantly, he followed. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Behind him a blackened stone face stuck out a green, lichen-coated tongue then laughed quietly to itself.

Tamahome screeched to a halt, glaring balefully at the tall figure leaning against the tunnel wall, half cloaked in shadows. He noticed Nakago had changed into something a little less fancy than the black leather. His chest was still bared by the dark jacket he wore, but now he had on some tight cream color slacks and the cloak was missing.

"Konnichi wa, Tama-chan," Nakago said smoothly.

"It's afternoon?" Tamahome asked, ignoring the name.

Nakago shrugged smoothly. "It's whatever I want it to be." He straightened and brushed back his long bangs. "So, how are enjoying my Labyrinth so far?"

"It's a ^%#@in' freak show!" Tamahome snapped, scowling.

"Now, now. You're picking up some bad habits from Hoggle."

"That's Tasuki!" came a sulky voice from around the corner.

Nakago's eyes narrowed. "Come out here, Hoggle."

Tasuki reluctantly emerged, showing his fangs, but unable to resist the order. He refused to meet Nakago's eyes however. Tamahome thought it was strange to see the fiery bandit so cowed, but he wasn't enjoying it. Not if the cause was Nakago.

"What have you been doing, Hoggle?" queried Nakago calmly, though his blue eyes were blazing with some repressed emotion.

Tasuki gulped and wilted some more. He was obviously scared sh-- uh, witless by the Goblin King, as much as he might bluster and boast when Nakago was not around. "Nothin'," he managed to squeak.

Nakago took a step forward. "Nothing? Nothing? Nothing tra-la-la?"

Tasuki just looked sullen, but Tamahome gave Nakago a strange look for that last bit.

"It's in the script," Nakago explained.

"Oh."

"Look, can we go?" whined Tasuki, still cringing a little.

Nakago glared. "What were you doing in the oubliette?!"

Tamahome felt his face flaring. "Nothing happened!" he insisted, his voice too loud.

Nakago spared him an unreadable glance. "Ah."

Tamahome clenched his fists. "Anyway, give me Yuiren-chan back!"

"No."

Tamahome snarled and leapt at Nakago. Suddenly the Goblin King was standing behind him. "Things are going too easily for you," Nakago said coolly. "I think I'll liven things up."

"Nani?" Tamahome didn't like the sound of that.

"OH, @!%^&^*#!@!!!!" yelled Hog-- uh, Tasuki.

"What?" asked Tamahome anxiously. Nakago had disappeared just after making his threat, without any actions that Tamahome could see, but now he could hear a loud, screeching, crashing mechanical type sound from further down the tunnel, where they had come from. It sounded like a washing machine full of tools and spare parts rolling down a long hill, and it was coming closer.

Tasuki was staring down the tunnel with an expression bordering on fear. "Shit! The Cleaners! %$^*!@!in' run!!" He took his own advice and sprinted forward down the tunnel.

"What are the Cleaners?" asked Tamahome, dashing after Tasuki. Whatever they were, they didn't sound very friendly. He cursed Nakago under his breath.

"Don't ask," Tasuki snarled. "@#^%$%&! You sure did it now!"

"I did it?!" Tamahome snapped in return, glancing over his shoulder as the sounds became louder, bearing down on them. He still couldn't see anything in the darkness, but the noise was nearly deafening, and he and Tasuki had to yell to be heard.

"$#&%^@!%!!!" Tasuki yelled, even more profanely than usual, as they both ran headlong into a closed gate. "!@#^$*%^!!" He smashed his fists into the corroded metal, then tried a Lekka Shien, but nothing helped.

"Here!" Tamahome slammed his shoulder against a rusted door he'd spotted in the tunnel wall. The metal buckled but didn't yet give. Tasuki joined him in bashing it open. Tamahome could see a dull glint of metal further up the tunnel and the screeching, squealing noises didn't sound promising.

"You HAD to $#%*@in' go and piss him off!" Tasuki howled.

"ME?! You're the one who was playing friendly in the dark!" Tamahome yelled back. The door finally gave and the two young men tumbled on top of it, out of the tunnel. Just in time, as a huge mechanical monstrosity thundered past, covered in nasty looking gadgets and sharp edges. The whole thing was fueled by two little blue haired girls, chanting, "Naosu! Naosu! Clean! Clean!" as they worked.

Tamahome groaned and dropped his face in his arms. "This *can't* get any worse."

"Don't SAY that!" screeched Tasuki.

Tamahome sighed and slowly got to his feet. "Well, what now?"

"We go up the #$^*&#in' ladder."

Tamahome frowned as he watched Tasuki start up some metal rods imbedded in the stone of the wall. "Are you sure that's safe?"

"$#%$&^%*!!" Tasuki cursed as one of the rungs broke underfoot and he nearly fell on top of Tamahome. "Would you stop %$&^*in' saying things like that?!" he demanded angrily.

"Gomen." Tamahome grimaced and started up the ladder after Tasuki. "So what was all that back there?"

"Back where?"

"Back with Nakago. Are you afraid of him?"

"WHAT?!"

"Watch it!" They were already a good ten feet up, and Tamahome didn't relish the idea of falling to the stone floor below them.

Tasuki glared down at him a moment longer, then resumed his climb. "I ain't !@%$*&in' scared of nothing!"

Tamahome found that one hard to believe, but he decided not to pursue the matter further. At least not until they were both on solid ground.

"Besides," Tasuki continued, more calmly. "That #%*&er ain't someone you wanna mess around with. Brrrr!" He shivered in reaction, then continued up the ladder more vigorously. "He's too powerful for his own $%&@#in' good, and he's got no morals whatsoever!"

"And you do?"

"Shut up! Least I ain't some jealous@%*&^ed up hentai like Nakago!"

"No, you're not jealous."

"What?!"

"Nan demo nai." Tamahome stifled a snicker.

"&*$%#$%@#," Tasuki commented, glaring down at Tamahome. Then, "@#$&%^&#$@!#!!!" as the ladder ended while he kept going, and his head thunked solidly into a stone door set above them. "Itai!"

Tamahome almost strangled trying not to laugh, but he didn't want Tasuki knocking him off the ladder to his death.

Tasuki finally got his cursing under control and shoved the door up. Golden light flooded over the two, causing them to squint. "Here we are."

Tamahome climbed up after Tasuki. "Where we are?"

"This is as far as I #@&*in' go."

"WHAT?!" Tamahome had to admit they were far closer to the castle, but they still had a long way yet to travel, and he needed a guide who knew how to work this crazy place. "Wait a minute!"

Tasuki shrugged uncomfortably into his jacket. "Said I'd take ya far as I could $%*#@in' go! Well, this is it!"

"No way! Uh-uh!" Tamahome grabbed Tasuki's collar, yet again. "You're not getting off that easily!"

Tasuki snarled. "Let go!"

"No!" Tamahome glared. "You're not going anywhere 'til you tell me why you're dumping me off here!"

"Yer #$&@#in' hazardous to my health! Last thing I need is the Goblin King riding my ass!"

"Uh...."

"Now let go!"

"No!"

"All right, you @#&$%in' asked for it! LEKKA SHIEN!!!"

"Waugh!"

Tamahome twitched where he lay, and watched Tasuki dart away. "Psh. Good riddance." He staggered to his feet and brushed off more soot. "Ch'! With allies like that, what do I need enemies for? K'so!"

Glaring furiously in the direction Tasuki had disappeared, Tamahome steeled his resolve and set off once more. He was rapidly running out of time, and he HAD to get to Yuiren.