[A nice, normal Tokyo street]

Genki Female Voice: Hello, all! I'm Botan, Reikai Spirit Guide, and I'll be the narrator for this story! And sitting with me off in Narrator-Cubby-Land is your other narrator, Yui, Priestess-Medium of the Turtlesnake -- HUH?

Yui: I'm the *reincarnation* of the Priestess-Medium of the Turtlesnake. My name's Yui NOW. It was something else back then, but I can't remember what.

Botan: Oooookay... What's your family name?

Yui: NAGI! WHAT FAMILY NAME AM I USING NOW AGAIN?

Nagi (from far-off): *sigh* Tsukino.

Yui: Oh, yeah, right. *giggle*

Botan: ANyway, in case you intelligent people haven't noticed yet, this is a crossover fanfic.

Yui: So if a name or a character sound familiar, they probably are.

Botan: The writer does not own them, she has merely borrowed them from famous (and probably better) authors.

Yui: Such as Watase-sensei, Togashi-sensei, Kakinouchi-sensei --

Botan: KAKINOUCHI-SENSEI?! Who do we have from *her* works?

Yui: She did ME.

Shizuru: I hate to interrupt this interesting conversation, but unless you begin the story soon, we're going to have general warfare on the back lot.

Narrators: Oh, sorry. *nervous giggles* We'll start it now, Shizuru-san.

Botan: Very nice title.

Yui: I like the font.

Botan: The story begins on this lovely spring day as one of our heroes, Urameshi Yuusuke, comes home from school.

[Yuusuke comes into view, walking along the street]

Yui: He's the one with the blue moogle on his head.

[Puu waves]

Botan: Puu is not a moogle!

Yui: Well, it isn't an ewok or a Mokona...

Yuusuke (sweatdrops): It's a good thing you're not visible to normal people, Puu.

Puu: Pu!

Narrators: WHO are you calling abnormal?!

Yuusuke: By "normal" I just meant all the everyday humans who'd freak if they saw a little blue creature on my head! Girls... sheesh!

Botan: Yuusuke has just spent a very satisfying day at school.

Yui: He found out that he got a whole 87% on last week's test, he built a bomb in chemistry class, his English teacher decided to supplement the regular curriculum by showing *Dr. No*, and he beat up a certain new student who thought he was tough.

Botan: Like I said, a very satisfying day.

Yuusuke (reaching his home and checking the mail): Hmmm... I wonder what we got today?

[Yuusuke walks in and puts the mail on the kitchen table]

Yuusuke: Let's see... junk... junk... bill... junk... letter from my pen pal in America... bill... junk... magazine... junk... What's this?

Botan: Yuusuke has just discovered a card, addressed to him and his mother, inviting them to the Yuuki Family Reunion on Wednesday.

Yui: Yuusuke hasn't seen ANY of his cousins since he was five or so.

Yuusuke: MOM!

[Atsuko wanders into the room. She needs to brush her hair. And iron her clothes]

Atsuko: *yawn* What is it, you rotten brat?

Yuusuke: We got invited to a family reunion [hands her the card].

Atsuko: Wednesday? K'so! What am I going to wear? I've got to get my hair done!

Yuusuke: I take it you're going, then.

Atsuko: Of course we're going. You don't need to dress formally, but be sure to wear nice clothes.

Yuusuke: Wait a moment! Why do *I* have to go? I won't know any of these people.

Atsuko: Then it's time you met them.

Yuusuke: *grumblegrumblegrumble*

Atsuko: This is important to me. Yuusuke, you ought to do this.

Yuusuke (self-pityingly): What did I ever do to deserve this?

Atsuko (very precisely): Need I spell it out?

[Yuusuke reacts as if he'd just been hit with a Makimura Kaori Special]

Yuusuke: No... [pause] When is it again?

Botan: Oh, that was *low*.

Yui: I don't get it.

Botan: Yuusuke sort of died a couple years back...

Yui: Ohhhh. [pause] Meanwhile, in one of the Yuuki family houses, the children are reacting equally badly.

[Change scene to the Yuuki residence]

Botan: That cute guy there is Yuuki Keisuke. He's presently unattached... don't suppose anyone would introduce us?

Yui: And that very cute and genki girl with him is his little sister Miaka. She used to be a Priestess-Medium, just like my last incarnation, and she's a lot like me and Botan-san!

Botan: Just as well you weren't there at the same time as she was. I don't think the Middle Kingdom could have survived...

Yui: She eats more than both of us put together!

Botan (in stunned voice): She does? Then how does she stay so THIN?

Keisuke: Miaka, how on earth do you stay so thin?

Miaka: Mettabollzum, I guess. And what brought that up anyway?

Keisuke: Watching you eat five jelly doughnuts at once.

Miaka: You're *sure* we have to go to this family reunion thing?

Keisuke: The parent insists. You could have heard for yourself if you'd been here instead of off on a date.

Miaka: Oniichan! Just because YOU can't get a date, is that any reason to be rude to those who happen to have wonderful, handsome, intelligent, brave, strong --

Keisuke (very quickly): Anyway, our mother absolutely insists that we come and see a lot of relatives we're probably never going to see again in our lives. I think she wants to show us off to her cousins.

Miaka: Oh. [brightens] Ne, do you suppose I can bring Tamahome with me?

Keisuke: Ask Mom. All she can do is say no.

Miaka: Okay! I will! [rushes out of the room]

Botan: Miaka's boyfriend's name isn't really the same as that of the Oni Constellation this lifetime around.

Yui: It wasn't *really* his name the *last* time around, either!

Botan: Don't interrupt me! Tamahome is what he was called his last life, when he lived in a parallel world. *engage conspiratorial whisper* You have NO IDEA how complicated the paperwork is for that sort of thing, either... *disengage C.W.*

Yui: She refers to him as Tamahome to make things simpler. Usually not to his face, though.

Botan: Speaking of which, remind me to look up what YOUR name was last time around.

Yui: Why?

Botan: We can't keep on calling you plain "Yui." When Miaka's best friend Yui shows up, things will get confusing REAL fast...

Yui: Maybe she writes her name differently?

Botan: This is being written in ENGLISH, Yui-san!

Yui: Oh. Um. Yeah. *nervous giggle*

Botan: Oh, warnings we forgot to mention earlier. This story contains what might be described as "shounen ai, thirty years later."

Yui: That means that there is a couple in this story of whom both members are *men*.

Botan: So if you have problems with a nice gentleman and his male live-in dentist of thirty-something years, you might want to leave now.

Yui: Of course, if you do, you'll miss a very funny story and a lot of silly gags.

Botan: It's not like there's anything GRAPHICAL or anything in the story. They aren't even the main characters.

Yui: You know, the one who's *really* into that shounen ai stuff is Miyu. She has shelves and shelves of it.

Botan: Yui-san, what does that have to do with the story?

Yui: Not much, it's just interesting. [pause] The guys under discussion live in that apartment building, the one that cute... um... person with the box is going into.

Botan: The one with the long red hair? That's my friend, Kurama. He's helping his teacher move stuff into his -- the teacher's -- apartment out of storage today.

[Kurama turns around in the doorway, so that we can see his face]

Yui: Ooooh! SU-TE-KI!

Botan: Join the Minamino Shuuichi Appreciation Society.

Yui: I thought you said his name was Kurama?

Botan: His name's Kurama the way Miaka's boyfriend's name is Tamahome. They each have different, human, names this time around.

Kurama: Sensei, which floor?

Kurama's sensei: The third.

Yui: That attractive man with the grey hair who looks like he was really bishounen back when the Beatles were the top of the charts is Kurama's teacher, Hasegawa Ryuuen-sensei.

Botan: Ryuuen-san *was* bishounen around the time of the America-Vietnam War. He's still a binan.

Yui: Well, I think Kurama-san is better looking.

Kurama (now in elevator): Thank you.

[Hasegawa-sensei is getting mail from a box marked 'Hoshino/Hasegawa, 309']

Hasegawa-sensei: Whom are you talking to?

Kurama: The narrators.

[Hasegawa-sensei enters the elevator, mail piled on top of HIS box]

Hasegawa-sensei: Oh.

[They go up to the third floor. Kurama helps Hasegawa-sensei juggle his armload as the teacher fumbles out the keys for apartment 309]

Botan: This apartment is where Ryuuen-san lives.

Yui: As if that weren't perfectly obvious! He lives here with two other people.

[Hasegawa-sensei gets the door open and puts his stuff down on the table in the entranceway]

Hasegawa-sensei: Tadaima! [turns to Kurama and points to the open door of a bedroom] Put your armload down on the bed in my room there, Minamino-kun.

[Kurama ditches his shoes and does as his teacher tells him as a woman answers]

Female Voice: Okaeri.

Narrators: The woman coming to the entrance who looks exactly like Hasegawa-sensei would if his hair were long, thicker on top, and gathered into a chignon is his little sister.

Hasegawa-sensei (putting hands to crown of his head): Am I really.. going THIN?

Botan: I think her hair was always thicker.

Yui: At least you don't have a hole in your head like my dad.

Botan: Oh, nice going, Yui-san.

Hasegawa-sensei: Some comfort... [regains himself] Minamino-kun, this is my sister, Hasegawa Noriko. Noriko-chan, this is Minamino Shuuichi, a student of mine who has graciously offered to help me move my things in.

Kurama: Pleased to meet you, Hasegawa-san.

Hasegawa-san: Likewise, I'm sure. [turns to her brother] Oniichan, what else do you have?

Hasegawa-sensei: Three more boxes, the tatami, the hatrack, and the futon cupboard.

Hasegawa-san: I was getting a little tired of unrolling my futon on the bare floor and storing it above the toilet. Just a *little*, you understand...

Kurama & Sensei: I understand perfectly.

Hasegawa-san: Better get the tatami next.

Hasegawa-sensei: I intend to.

[Kurama and his teacher get the rolls of tatami out of the station wagon. They're about the size of a roll of carpet]

Botan: Ryuuen-san borrowed the car from another of the teachers at Meioh High School.

Yui: It's a scandal that a nice guy like Hasegawa-sensei can't afford a car of his own.

Botan: Ryuuen-san IS a scandal.

Yui: He *is*? How? When?

Botan: If you'll let this story continue...

Yui: *giggle*

Hasegawa-sensei: You must be wondering about my sister.

Kurama: Well, I was a little surprised that some lucky man didn't catch her eye years ago, but considering the general stupidity of mankind...

Hasegawa-sensei: Her fiance... ah... died years ago, and then she was unjustly branded as an otoko-masari...

Kurama (sotto voce): Humans. Any youkai worth xes salt knows better...

Hasegawa-sensei (as they take the tatami into the elevator): What was that?

Kurama: I was reflecting that someone once said that there are two kinds of people, human beings and women. And whenever a woman starts acting like a human being, she is accused of trying to be a man.

Botan: Ooh, nice save.

Yui: Who said that? I want it for a signature file!

Nagi (sounding as if he's in another room): YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN E.MAIL ACCOUNT YET!

Narrators: WHYEVER NOT?

Nagi: BECAUSE I'M STILL SAVING UP FOR A PERSONAL COMPUTER!

Yui: Good reason.

Botan: Whatever *is* your... friend... doing while we're narrating this show?

Yui: He got into the studio computer lab and set up a Quake tournament with the extras and half the characters who aren't on yet.

[During this conversation, Hasegawa-sensei and Kurama have gotten the tatami up to the apartment]

Hasegawa-san: We've been moving the stuff out of the main room so the tatami can be laid. Hoshino's just trying to get the TV into the bathroom.

[The two guys blink and carry the tatami into the main room, which is large and empty-looking except for some Chinese mottoes painted on the walls and a RG Veda wall scroll in one corner. The kitchenette (which they pass), on the other hand, is full of tables, heaters, potted plants, and two bookshelves with their books neatly stacked on the counter]

Botan: The person with long hair going gray is Ryuuen-san's significant other, Hoshino-san.

Yui: Hasegawa-sensei has good taste. Hoshino-san is still good-looking and still fit from teaching iaido classes.

[Hoshino-san comes into the main room]

Hoshino-san: I managed to fit the TV in the shower. [in jocular tone] Remember not to turn it on...

Hasegawa-sensei: Ah, this is Minamino-kun. Minamino-kun, this is Hoshino Kentarou --

Kurama: Sensei's boyfriend, ne?

Hasegawa-sensei (embarrassed): Is it that obvious?

Kurama: Well, his stuff's all over your room, and there's the way you two look at each other...

[Hasegawa-sensei and Hoshino-san blush]

Hasegawa-sensei: And you don't disapprove?

Kurama (completely baffled): I'm not in a position to approve or disapprove. You're not my little brother or my son or my husband or anything, so what business is it of mine?

Hasegawa-san (checking the mail): I *like* this young man.

Botan: Nearly all of Ryuuen-san's and Kentarou-san's families disowned them when their relationship came out.

Yui: Well, first they told the guys to dump each other. When they *wouldn't*, their families dumped *them*.

Botan: Only Noriko-san stood by her brother. As a result -- to make a long story short -- she lost her fiance, and ended up living with the guys.

Yui: COOL! What a great sister. I wish *I* had sisters.

Botan: You *do* have sisters!

Yui: I DO?!

Botan: Your dimensional counterpart's sister is Writing This Story.

Yui: Oh... yeah... I knew that...

Hasegawa-san (reading a piece of mail): Hoshino!

Hoshino-san (helping lay tatami): Yes?

Hasegawa-san: You're invited to the Yuuki Family Reunion on Wednesday.

Hoshino-san: *blink* My cousins invited me to a family reunion.

Narrators: Hasegawa-sensei and Kurama continue to lay tatami through this conversation.

Hasegawa-san: Yes, they did. What are you going to wear?

Hoshino-san (annoyed): What makes you think I'm going?

Hasegawa-san (reasonably): They're your *family*. They invited you.

Hasegawa-sensei: Noriko and I have each other, but the rest of our family is dead. [shadow of pain crosses his face] Yours is alive, Ken-chan: you should go.

Hoshino-san: *You* think I should go, Ryuuen?

Hasegawa-sensei: Of course I think we should go. When on Wednesday should we show up?

Hoshino-san: WE?!

Hasegawa-san: Well, of course Oniichan should go if you're going. You should show them that if they want you back, they'll have to accept you as you are. [pause while she checks the invitation] We're supposed to show up at one-thirty.

Hasegawa-sensei and Hoshino-san: We?

Hasegawa-san: You don't think I'd let you and Oniichan go off without me to watch over you?!

[Simultaneously:]

Hoshino-san: Noriko-san...

Hasegawa-sensei: Noriko-chan...

Hasegawa-san: But I'm going to need a date to bring to the reunion.

Hoshino-san (confused): Why do you need a date to come to *my* family reunion?

Hasegawa-san: I can't show up *alone*! It'll look like I'm trolling for a husband.

Hasegawa-sensei: Yeah, Ken-chan, she can't show up *alone*.

Hasegawa-san: But whom can I get as a date at *this* late hour?

Botan: The three members of the twilight tribe look at each other.

Yui: Then, slowly, they turn to look at Kurama-san, who is setting the last bit of the tatami in place.

Kurama (sotto voce): Why is it always me... [louder] I would be happy to accompany you to this reunion, Hasegawa-san.

Hasegawa-san: I *really* like him. Oniichan, be sure to give Minamino-kun a special bonus grade!

Hasegawa-sensei: He gets straight A's as it is...

Kurama: So shall I call for you at one this Wednesday?

Hasegawa-san: Yes, please.

Hasegawa-sensei (sweetly): Ken-chan... we'll need your help bringing the futon cupboard up...

Yui: And now we only have one group left to cover. So far.

Botan: We now take you to the Aotsuki Shrine, where the next sounds you hear will be those of its peaceful denizens.

Ushio: *TORA*!!!!!

Tora: (racing around the corner): What did I do *now*?

Ushio: WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THE MESS IN THE KITCHEN?

Tora: That white thing kept growling at me, so I taught it some manners.

Ushio: THAT WAS THE DISHWASHER! YOU WRECKED THE DISHWASHER!

Tora: What's a dishwasher?

Ushio: Aaaargh!

Yui: Yes, it's business as usual at the Aotsuki Shrine.

Botan: Is it just me, or does Ushio look a little like Yuusuke?

Yui: There's a reason for that...

Botan: SALT!

Yui: Salt?!

Botan: It's an American thing.

Yui: What *is* it with you and these Americanisms?

Botan: I'm going to America on an exchange program for a year. I'm practicing my American slang.

Yui: Where are you going?

Botan: Community High School in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Yui: Congratulations, you've found one of the two places in America where a blue-haired girl on a flying canoe paddle is business as usual.

Botan: It's an OAR...

Yui: The two girls coming up to the shrine are classmates of Ushio-san's, Asako-san and Mayuko-san.

Botan: Asako is the short-haired one who acts like Keiko. Or maybe Shizuru.

Asako: Ushio, what are you so mad about?

Ushio: Well, some *animal* [glares at Tora] attacked the dishwasher and ruined it.

Mayuko: Maybe it's repairable. Let's go see.

Yui: The three humans and one youkai troop in to view the ruins of the dishwasher.

Botan: Speaking of ruins... do you think he could have done more damage if he'd used a battle-axe?

Asako: Wowwww......

Mayuko: *That* certainly is destroyed.

Yui: The dishwasher has been pulled out from the wall. The door is open, and the dishes lean around drunkenly.

Botan: Those few that are intact, anyway.

Yui: I was getting to that. The water's mostly been mopped up, fortunately, and the wreckage of the dishwater's still sparking now and then.

Botan: THAT'S why it's fortunate that Ushio mopped up the water.

Asako: You can use the dishwasher over at our house until you get yours fixed.

Ushio: Thanks!

Mayuko: What kind of animal could have done this?

Tora: You shouldn't have called me an animal. I'm a YOUKAI. Would you like it if I called you "lunch"? [Tora acts as if he's about to pounce on Ushio]

Yui: Ushio fends off Tora with the Beast Spear.

Tora: *sulksulksulk*

Mayuko: What *are* you doing, Ushio?

Botan: Like Puu, Tora can make himself invisible to most people. Which, in this case, includes Asako and Mayuko.

Yui: Asako has been examining the remains of the dishwasher.

Asako: I'd say this was done either by a total idiot with a set of cleavers or a cross between a lion, tiger, and a gorilla.

Ushio (looking at Tora): That sounds exactly right.

Tora: *SULKSULKSULK*

Botan: Ne, Yui-san? Would you rather have a lion eat you, or a gorilla?

Yui: I'd-rather-have-the-lion-eat-the-gorilla.

Botan: Oh, you heard that one already.

Yui: It was in my English textbook in my LAST life.

Asako: So, Ushio, are you doing anything today?

Ushio: Not really... are you doing anything tomorrow?

Botan: I don't care what you're doing today or tomorrow, but on Wednesday all of you are going to the Yuuki Family Reunion.

Everyone in the Aotsuki Shrine: WHO WAS THAT?

Yui: That was your other narrator, Botan the Japanese Valkyrie, informing you of a major plot point.

Botan: I don't think it's THAT major -- and what do you mean, Japanese Valkyrie? What would you say YOU are?

Yui: In my last life I was Takiko, Priestess-Medium of the Terrible Turtlesnake, but now I have been reincarnated as *Yui, the Vampire Lady*! Plus I get to meet a lot more cute guys. Step up, ne?

Asako (sweatdropping): Uh... yeah....

Mayuko: Being a Priestess-Medium sounds like fun. How can I become one?

Yui: Well, all four main slots are filled up, but --

Botan: I wonder if there's a Kirin no Miko?

Yui: Don't interrupt me when I'm chattering! As I was saying, there are hosts of lesser positions. There are Priestess-Mediums for a lot of the Suzaku Starwarriors, for some of Seiryuu's, for one of mine, for this one guy from a show called *Gatchaman* --

Botan: For Kurama --

Yui: one for bishounen in general, one for Mr. Spock --

Botan: Since when is there a Spock no Miko?!

Yui: The one I know of goes to Community. Maybe you'll meet her.

Botan: How do you know so much about an American high school, anyway?

Yui: My parallel sister, the one Writing This Story, *went* there.

Botan: Oh... yeah... right... *giggle*

Yui: Basically, you just elect yourself.

Mayuko (who has been looking more and more weirded-out during the conversation): Uh... thanks.

Ushio: *Wait* a minute! Why are we supposed to go to a family reunion of people we've never heard of and aren't related to?

Botan: Well, see, in the future this person who's a descendant of all three of you goes back in time...

Yui: And a descendant of his will be at the family reunion.

Botan: So you actually *will* be related to at least one person there!

Yui: Besides, it's being catered as an all-you-can-eat affair.

Botan: Enough food for the four of you to eat your fill and still have plenty left over!

Tora: Sounds good.

Yui: Provided you don't eat the guests, that is.

Tora: *sigh* Oh well... nothing's perfect.

Asako: FOUR of us?

Mayuko: Maybe supernatural being narrators can't count.

Ushio: Well. *I'm* going, at any rate. [mutter to Tora] You eat enough as it is...

Asako: Ushio! If you think you're going to gatecrash a reunion full of perfect strangers... well, I'm going with you!

Mayuko: I'll go if you're both going.

Botan: It's this Wednesday, at 1:30.

Yui: At the Jimpei Hotel. Be there!

Narrators: End of Chapter One.

Botan: Tsu...

Yui: Dzu...

Narrators: Ku...

[screen similar to the "classroom" pieces of GunBuster, with Super-Deformed Botan and Super-Deformed Yui at the bottom]

Both: Welcome to Botan and Yui's Mini-Dictionary of Japanese Words!

Yui: Ne, how come your name's first?

Botan: Alphabetical order.

Yui: Oh, duh... *giggle*

Botan: Here we define all those Japanese words that might be throwing you English speakers!

Yui: If you can't read English, why are you reading this fanfic anyway?

Botan: Don't answer that. Anyway, first word: 'genki.'

[on the computer screen, the word 'genki' appears]

Yui: Oooh, how do you say 'genki' in English?

Botan: Well, this simple word is hard to translate into English. It can mean 'doing well,' as an answer to the question 'How are you?' It also refers to an affect --

Yui: HUH?

Botan: Uh, way of feeling -- or a personality trait. It's sort of cheerful, optimistic, perky --

Yui: Are we genki?

Botan: Yes! Now --

Yui: Is Miaka genki?

Botan: Very much so. It also --

Yui: Is Nakago genki?

Botan: Nnnot hardly. Yui --

Yui: Is Toguro-Ani genki?

Botan: YUI!!!!

[Steam is presently coming out of Botan's ears. Yui hastily advances the screen: it now says 'moogle']

Yui: A 'moogle' is a creature from Final Fantasy. It's like a pig with wings. Sort of. Not really.

Botan: Is 'moogle' a Japanese word?

Yui: Well, it's a Japanese GAME...

[screen now says 'ewok' and shows picture]

Botan: Unless you've been living on the moons of Jupiter for the past twenty years, or in the Makai, you should know what an 'ewok' is.

[screen now says 'Mokona' and shows picture]

Yui: Mokona is the marshmallow-stuffed bunny from Magic Knight RayEarth that goes "pu pu puu" all the time.

[screen now says 'k'so']

Botan: 'K'so' is a bad word.

Yui: It's approximately equivalent to the French 'merde' -- hey! I actually remembered something from French class!

Botan: Which is literally 'shit', but usually translates as 'fuck'...

Yui: Watch your mouth, Botan.

Botan: Am *I* responsible for Atsuko-san's language? Well? Am I?

[screen now says 'Tamahome' with picture of asterism]

Yui: Tamahome is the name of the Chinese asterism The Ogre, the way Orion is the name of the Western asterism The Hunter.

Botan: I think Orion's actually a constellation.

Yui: Well, I think Tamahome's a constellation too, but I don't remember which one. It's in the south somewhere.

Botan: Well, of course! It's a Suzaku StarHouse.

Yui: Oh, I remember! It's Cancer.

Botan: No, Tamahome is an asterism IN the constellation Cancer.

Yui: Oh, who cares.

[screen now reads 'shounen ai']

Botan: 'Shounen ai' means 'boy love.' It's used for love between two guys -- the more elegantly written kind.

Yui: The writer wishes you to tell us that it's the sort of stuff Mary Renault writes.

Botan: She also thinks that the INSTANT some intelligent shoujo manga people get to do the designs for an anime based on something by Mary Renault, she will pre-order it.

[Botan and Yui look at each other for a moment. Then:]

Both: OFF-TOPIC ALERT! OFF-TOPIC ALERT!

[When the two of them quit screaming and running around, the screen has changed to say 'live-in dentist']

Yui: A 'live-in dentist' is an MST3Kism for a person whom you live with and make love to.

[Screen changes to say 'suteki']

Botan: In the context here, 'suteki' means 'cute guy alert!'

Yui: Make fun of me, will you?

Botan (upset): I didn't mean to! [advances screen to say 'sensei']

Yui: 'Sensei' means 'teacher.' [advances screen to say #MSAS#]

Botan: The #SAS# was originally something in Australia, which then became the Sasami Appreciation Society. The #MSAS# doesn't exist yet, that I know of...

Yui: Key word: yet. Anyone want to set it up? Only requirements: appreciation of a guy who combines the best of moonlight and roses...

Botan: Wasn't that the name of that romance author's convention a while back?

Yui: Hmmmph. [advances screen to 'bishounen'] 'Bishounen' means 'pretty boy.' Nearly all shoujo manga (and a bunch of the guys' stuff) ABOUND with them. [screen blanks and shows 'binan']

Botan: 'Binan' means 'beautiful man.' It's not *that* common a word.

[next screen: 'tadaima' and 'okaeri (nasai)']

Yui: 'Tadaima' is a set phrase to say when returning home. It mean's something like 'I'm back' or "Hi, honey, I'm home!'

Botan: 'Okaeri' or 'Okaeri nasai' is the other half of that set phrase-and-reply. It means 'Welcome home,' 'Welcome back,' that sort of thing.

[screen now shows 'Oniichan']

Yui: 'Oniichan' means 'big brother.' It's a little informal, and sometimes you use it for people you're not even related to.

[next screen-still: 'tatami' with picture]

Botan: 'Tatami' is the matting stuff on the floor.

Yui: If you go to a really nice Japanese restaurant, they have it in the rooms with the sunken tables where you're not allowed to wear shoes.

Botan: You *don't* wear shoes in a Japanese house.

[next image: 'futon' with picture]

Yui: A 'futon' is a set of those quilt things you use instead of a bed. They're usually stored in a special futon cupboard when not being used.

[next screen: 'otoko-masari']

Botan: 'Otoko-masari' is a really rude word for a woman who thinks she's better than a man --

Yui: Instead of *knowing* she is! *laugh*

Botan: WHO complained about interruptions? *glare* Anyway, none of the three of us could think of a short English translation -- other than "unfeminine bitch" --

Yui: Ooh, Botan said a bad word again!

Botan: *angrier glare* SO... we left it as-is. You can tell it was coined by conservative men.

[next screen: 'youkai,' with LOTS of pictures]

Yui: A 'youkai' is a supernatural monster. It's sometimes translated as 'demon.' Basically, any intelligent living non-human non-alien being.

[Next screen: 'iaido,' with a picture of someone practicing]

Botan: 'Iaido' is a martial art with a sword. It's more complex, or something, than kendo. The name comes from the word for drawing a sword, cutting off someone's head, and resheathing the sword all in one motion.

[next screen: 'miko,' with pictures of ladies dressed like Sakura from UY]

Yui: 'Miko' means priestess/medium/shrine maiden, depending on context.

[next image: 'Suzaku' with picture']

Botan: 'Suzaku' means 'Scarlet' um... well... going by characters it's 'Scarlet Sparrow,' it's usually translated as 'Scarlet Peacock,' and knowledge of Chinese mythology would suggest that it's a phoenix...

Yui: It looks kind of like a long-necked chicken.

Botan: 'Scarlet Bird,' okay?

Yui: By the way, 'Kirin' is an Oriental unicorn...

Botan: 'Shoujo manga' are girls' comics...

Yui: 'Comics' might be a bad term, they're more like serial graphic novels...

Botan: It's the same thing!

Yui: *Is* it?

[next screen: 'Seiryuu,' with pictures]

Botan: 'Seiryuu' is the Blue or Green Dragon.

Yui: Japanese has a nice all-purpose word that means both colors.

Narrators: And now for the Disclaimer Drumrolls!

Yui: Fushigi Yuugi and all associated characters belong to... *drumroll* WATASE YUU!

Botan: Yuu Yuu Hakusho and all associated characters, including ME, belong to... *drumroll* TOGASHI YOSHIHIRO!

Yui: Nagi and I -- oh, and Miyu -- belong to... *drumroll* KAKINOUCHI NARUMI!

Botan: Ushio and Tora and the rest of their gang belong to... *drumroll* FUJITA KAZUHIRO!

Yui: Aim for the Top! GunBuster and its classroom skits belong to... *drumroll* GAINAX!

Botan: Urusei Yatsura and all associated characters belong to... *drumroll* TAKAHASHI RUMIKO!

Yui: All the other Priestess-Mediums belong to... *drumroll* THEMSELVES, and the writer hopes they don't mind the cameo!

Botan: MST3K belongs to... *drumroll* uhh... I don't know... Best Brains? Anyway, NOT Luriko-Ysabeth.

Yui: Final Fantasy and all associated creatures belong to... *drumroll* SQUARESOFT! I think!

Botan: Magic Knight RayEarth and all associated characters belong to... *drumroll* CLAMP!

Yui: Ewoks belong to... *drumroll* GEORGE LUCAS!

Botan: Luriko-Ysabeth OWNS NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Yui: She is NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS!

Botan: This is just SOMETHING FOR HER TO DO in Greek and math class instead of listen to the teachers!

Yui: Ooh... Luriko-Ysabeth's going to get in TROUB-LE...

Botan: This just arrived from your kinswoman.

Yui: What kinswoman?

Botan: Your VAMPIRE kinswoman! [opens letter] She wishes to inform us that if anyone tells on the writer, your kinswoman and her sister's counterparts in the world of the reader will come around and scream in their ear.

Yui: They scream REALLY LOUD. So be nice.

Botan: Remember, Luriko-Ysabeth always welcomes comments and constructive criticism!

Yui: She says we did so well, we'll get an actual keyboard next chapter!

Botan: Good, my throat is getting dry.

Yui: Mine too. I hope Nagi's found me somebody... I'm getting hungry.

Botan: Oh! We forgot one item out of the dictionary!

Yui: The most important one!

Botan: Last of all...

Yui: 'Tsudzuku' means...

Both: To Be Continued...

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