Ranmazoku
Chapter 3 - Lions, Tigers, and Mazoku, Oh My!
By PansutoTarou5925
DISCLAIMER - I do not own the rights to Slayers nor do I own the rights to Ranma �. Long live the rightful owners of these two fine anime. This work is non-commercial and is done only in imitation of Rumiko Takahashi and Hajime Kanzaka. Imitation is the sincerest flattery, no? US rights owned by Viz and Software Sculptors. If I mention the Senshi, Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi(Sp, anyone?) and.. and.. I dunno who has the US rights, but it's there's not mine. (I'm drawing a blank)
Author's note - This story originated from an idea on Nighthawk's page and is some guy named NesTea's fault. If he's reading this, I'm curious to know what he thinks of all this. Questioning me would be like questioning Xellos if you ask when the next section comes out, because it's a secret.
ALTAVERSE WARNING - This is an ALTAVERSE. Events, characters and the like may not resemble canon. People who are rabid canon-thumpers beware! (and eat a Dragon Slave while you're at it)
"So, Ryouga, you finally bothered to show up." I said, stretching. I had been coming to this vacant lot every day after school. "It only took you what, five days this time?" I drawled.
"Shut up, Saotome. I wasn't just out taking a stroll through the park -"
"-no, you also went through half of Asia_"
"-shut up! I've been through hell to get to this fight!"
I yawned ostentatiously. "You know, stupid, you could have just taken the train." Ryouga did a good impression of a fish at that point.
"Well.. I. uh..." he babbled, trying to parry this one. "I couldn't find a train station, so there!"
"Whatever. Let's get this fight started before the peanut gallery gets bored." I said, sticking a thumb at the crowd that surrounded us. As usual, the crowd was placing bets, mostly on Ryouga because of his 'new move'. Of course, Nabiki was going to clean up, as Ryouga's new move might as well be renamed the Mazoku Treat: a blast of pure depression. It was like a whiff of paradise. I would be very disappointed if Ryouga hadn't improved the move since the last time I met him. "So, have you perfected this move, or are you just going to introduce me to the same pitiful version you had last time?"
Ryouga gave a gallows grin. "How depressing. But you've signed your own death warrant, Saotome." He cupped his hands at his waist and gathered his sickly green little aura, then thrust them forward. "SHISHI HOKODAN!" he yelled, focusing his depression into a ball of energy and pushing it away. I merely crossed my arms and grunted as it hit me, absorbing the energy. In reality, it didn't hurt at all, but I had to keep up appearances, after all. No human could take that blast and remain standing.
"Is that all?" I taunted. "Come on, you loser, you can do better than that!" Ryouga's expression darkened, and he tried it again. "OK, P-chan, yeah, try it again." I said, gesturing for him to give me his best shot. This time, he was losing control of his depression as angry blue seeped into his aura. This would be funny. "C'mon, porky, I haven't got all day."
That set him off. His aura switched to blue, and he fired another blast - "SHISHI HOKODAN!" - but he hadn't trained on how to use his anger to focus the blast. Instead, it just blew up in place and knocked him down.
"That's truly pitiful, Ryouga. You've actually gotten worse." I laughed. "You beat yourself up now." There, he's back to depression. He really needs to learn how to just stay depressed.. I mean, I have Akane for anger. I need some variety.
"Damn you!" he whispered, then cut loose with a much more powerful Shishi hokodan. This one I let throw me back as I blocked it; it was significantly more powerful than the original. It was time to start the fight for real.
"Nice, P-chan, but no cigar." I rushed forward. His shishi hokodan steered right into me, but I just absorbed it and hammered him with a few hundred punches courtesy of the amaguriken. Ryouga, realizing that he couldn't use the shishi hokodan in close quarters, whipped his leg back and tried to blast me with a kick to the gut. I grabbed his leg and kicked him across the chin as I hopped it. The next punch he threw I took right in the chin and didn't move. "Hah!" Ryouga winced and shook his hand. "Just like a baby's!" That made Ryouga suddenly look at me. I could feel the eyes of several in the crowd on me, too.
"You.. you did the Bakusai Tenketsu training!" he said accusingly. I laughed.
"Come on. Even you would have felt that punch. No, I did something a lot harder." That was true: I had managed to get people to eat lots of Akane's cooking willingly. My endurance was merely my being a mazoku, but let everyone think something else.
"Something.. harder..?" You could see the gears turning in Ryouga's head. I have no idea what he was thinking of - getting smashed by wrecking balls or run over by steamrollers, maybe - but he actually winced for a second. Then his expression grew harder. "So you might be tougher. I'll still kill you, Saotome!"
"Promises, promises." I said, weaving around his punches and taking a few. The problem for Ryouga was that I was landing lots more than usual. And for that matter, I was attacking more viciously than ever before, hammering Ryouga with blows enhanced by monstrous strength. One of the best things about being a mazoku was that my body was just a puppet of black magic. As a result, what looked like light blows were actually hitting with the force of cannonballs. Still, Bakusai Tenketsu training made fighting Ryouga like trying to smash a mountain with your fists.
Ryouga in fact let me punch him away on that last blow, to buy some room. I suppose the fight was getting to him, so.. "SHISHI HOKODAN!" This blast was even more powerful than the last, actually, "SHISHI HOKODAN! SHISHI HOKODAN! SHIShi hoko..." And with that, he collapsed, his chi completely run out. Probably the hardest thing in that fight was making sure I looked sufficiently bedraggled from those tasty blasts.
"Feh. What a maroon." I said, as I walked away from the fight. Hopefully Ryouga would redouble his efforts. After all, he hadn't yet perfected the move.
I was in the back yard pretending to have trouble figuring out how to do the shishi hokodan. In reality, my biggest problem would be faking the shishi hokodan. My innate black magic was fine, but no one would mistake it for the shishi hokodan. I experimentally fired a sphere of gold energy at the wall, burning a hole in it. Maybe I should just make up an attack of my own and use it.
"Hey, Ranma." Nabiki said, running into the dojo. She noticed the hole in the wall. "Figured out the Shishi Hokodan yet?"
"Well, I know it works off of depression. I'm just not depressed enough."
"Anyhow, I've got these posters printed up. Ryouga's staying in town until the fight, in fact, he hasn't even left the lot yet, so we know he'll be there on time. I'm paying to have people bring him food and stuff until then." I nodded. "Anyhow, I'm going to be setting up some big signs advertising the fight and put up some stands. So try not to kill the spectators, alright?"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever."
"Heh. So you think you can beat his 'perfect' Shishi Hokodan?"
"Of course. I never lose."
"Overconfident, aren't we? Anyhow, how do you like this poster? Do you think it's flattering to you?" The poster in question had my girl side in a bra and had the caption "Legendary Crossdresser Ranma Saotome! Live at vacant lot, three blocks from Tendo Dojo" I snorted.
"Put that up and die."
Nabiki giggled and unrolled another poster. This one showed me apparently facing off against Ryouga, with a huge lion forming the background.
"Not bad." I allowed. "How's your revenge against Kodachi coming?" Nabiki got a sour face. "Not well?"
"No. Not at all. They have money to burn, so merely hitting them in the wallet doesn't hurt. Everyone already hates her, and she won't care if I stage something embarrassing involving her. She's a Kuno, trapped in their own little world." she finished.
"So, what if you were to shatter that private little world?" I asked, smiling.
"Like how?" she aksed. "And why would you care?"
I grimaced. "Look, this is Kodachi we're talking about. Anything you do to her is an improvement. I've got some Instant Nannichuan left over from that Dojo Destroyer mess a few months back. I'm sure you can find a way to get it placed in her bath. And a way to disable their hot water. Am I right?" Nabiki's eyes shone as she got a happy little smile, one I mirrored with my own sunny smile.
"Of course! Where's that packet?" I held out my hand, which she inspected. "What?"
"1000 yen." There are few things more incongruous than the Ice Queen of Furinkan growing a sweatdrop.
My next stop was in Juuban, to see how Granny and Pop were doing in their new and hopefully temporary home. While I would normally worry about getting tailed by one of my seemingly dozens of fiancees, enemies, and assorted hangers on, it's not to hard to just hide for a second and just teleport or go astral.
To be honest, I have no idea of what Grandmother Zelas is posing as, and I really don't care. All I know is she's pretending to be rich, the better to sit in the lap of luxury. Pop was pretending to be her chauffeur/butler/general errand boy, which actually wasn't too far off the truth, come to think of it. I filled them in on my activities over the past week, and then heard their story. "Ranma, darling," she said, a sure sign she's been drinking since dawn, "there's this FABULOUS Italian restaurant nearby. It has the most sumptuous delicacies.. and a nightclub next door with frequent fights." She laughed lightly in that sort of socialite way she has, not at all what you'd expect from a demon lord, and lit up a cigarette in her holder. "It is a most wonderful place to eat, a place made for the enjoyment of mazoku." She brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "If Hellmaster doesn't succeed in destroying our world, why, I don't wonder why we don't kidnap the staff and have them work for us!" Pop and I gave her a pained look.
"Because they'd be terrified and try to escape, and not give you the refined dining experience you crave?" Pop answered, only half sarcastically. Zelas seemed to think that over for a second.
"Oh. Nevermind, then." she waved her hands dismissively. "I could always just drop by when visiting Ranma, then. Your strength has shot up recently. Have you been draining those strange Daimon creatures? This most unusual redheaded woman summoned a few in the restaurant last night and was searching for 'pure heart crystals', I believe. Anyhow," she said, resting her head on her chin and watching her cigarette curl smoke to the ceiling, "it was so very boring until she decided to try for our crystals. Well, I put an end to that fast!" she giggled.
"Yes, a Zelas Brid does wonders in blasting apart such weak little creatures. They make Brass Demons look strong." Pop said, grinning. We all laughed at that. That was like using a Dragon Slave on a few measly bandits.
"You should have seen the look on her face." Granny added. "But that wasn't the best part. We phased out to the astral plane because we didn't want to have to explain why we weren't affected when the authorities came. After all, everyone had either fled or been victimized. These girls come in... dressed in the most ridiculous costumes..."
"Like the ones Lina and Amelia wore that I told you about. Nene and Mimi, the two girls you ran across, had them too - that costume." Pop clarified. I laughed.
Zelas giggled again, which is just disturbing. "Quite. They run into the restaurant with these ridiculous costumes and just stop and gawk. Everything was torn up by my attacks. So they just stood around and stared for a while. Oh, it was obvious they could somehow pick us up, or something, that girl in the blue skirt said she was picking up all kinds of residual energies. But they just milled around like little lost sheep until these two older girls came and hustled them out." We all had another round of laughter at that. "I suppose that Eudial person will consider herself lucky to run into those underdressed sorceresses next time." she said. "Fortunately the restaurant has already been repaired. It seems the repair companies in Nerima are quite familiar with repairing battle damage." She smirked at me. "Would you care to join us for dinner, grandson?"
"Heh. I'd love to. But, y'know, I can't be seen in public with you guys, or too many questions will be asked. Tell you what though. ou know the guy I've been talking about, that tries to use depression as an attack?" Nods all around. "He and I are having a fight in a few days. If you can delay going back home, if it still exists, you'll probably see the most intense focus of despair you've ever seen in a single human."
"Really." Zelas remarked drily. I gulped. I forgot she ha thousands of years of experience at watching human suffering.
"Well, I think so, anyhow. I'll be very disappointed if he doesn't perfect his move. In that case, he'd hae nothing but despair left."
"Really." this time, both Zelas and Pop's eyes shone hungrily. Grandmother even licked her lips. "That's a treat not to be missed, then. I'll make the time." I handed her a poster.
"Just so you're there."
I had a brief trip to China to pick up an item of some interest. I had continued my fishing in the old ghoul's mind to see if anything else could be of use to me. She was much more watchful now, but as long as I merely watched she could detect nothing. She had had nightmares enough of the one who had possesed this.. object.
I looked at it in revulsion myself. I have no idea why, but the very feel of it makes my skin crawl. Even though its magic is ineffective against me, still it horrifies me. Anyhow, I suppose the owner will come looking for it, but it will probably be too late when he gets here. I'll already have everything I need to put my plan into motion. Of course, that meant I had to take care of some other stuff, first. One of which was to eliminate the danger in my own backyard. I waited silently in the shadows, watching for my apprentice.
"You were not followed?" I asked, seing Gos come into the moonlight.
"No."
"Good." I paused for a moment. Over the past week, Gosunkugi had made considerable progress in the dark arts. "Having to use your skills often against Nabiki and her cronies, aren't you?" I teased.
"How would you know about that?" he asked, annoyed. "She's been after me for days. Somehow she found out I was the source of those photos." The best lie is closest to the truth. I know that from long experience. What better way to prove to Nabiki that Kodachi is behind all of her recent problems than by making the other part of the lie the unblemished truth? I smirked at Gos's problems. He should know that a central teaching method of Anything Goes, whether martial or magical arts, is to cause problems for the student and let them learn to deal with it.
"That's something you're just going to have to deal with." I said, voicing those thoughts. Then I heard a slight noise around the corner. "I thought you said you weren't followed." I asked coolly.
Gos started to fidget nervously and wring his hands. "Well.. I.. ah.. I didn't think.." Whoever was eavesdropping began to move away as Gos unraveled. I quickly teleported in behind them as they backed away.I gave the crouching figure a tap on the shoulder.
"Well, well, well. Looky here. Hello, Nabiki." I smirked.
"Now, now, Nabiki, Gosunkugi, what will I do with you two?" I said, slowly circling the two. They were scared, fear rising off them in waves. Gos more frightened than Nabiki by far. He always had less guts than the middle Tendo. He also knew what he was getting into here. "Now, Gos, I know you were lying when you said you knew no one was following you."
Gos was sweating bullets. "Ranma-" Glare. "MASTER Ranma, I didn't want to! But she was blackmailing me! She asked me to tell her who took those photos! I wouldn't tell her, so she threatened to tell the school my secret.. so.. so.. I told her I would be meeting with the person who asked me to do it, and she could follow me, so.. so.." I silenced his babbling with a gesture. I had no idea what Gosunkugi's big secret was, nor did I care. All that mattered was that Nabiki knew something I didn't want her to know.
"You've got real balls, Saotome." she said, half angry, half impressed. "To order those photos taken and then finger someone else for it?" I ignored her. What should I do? Dead men tell no tales, but disintegrating Nabiki was too distasteful to me. She was so pleasantly evil. How could I harm a lying little serpent like her? ".. I have no idea why you're ignoring me, Saotome, but you're just digging yourself in deeper." I silenced her for a second with a bolt of energy thrown at her feet, digging a nice hole in the alley. It only brought me a moment's respite from her prattling. "Give me a break, Saotome. You'll never really hit a girl."
It seems I would have to take stronger measures to get through to her. "I slapped her across the face. Hard. "Really?" She just gaped at me in shock. "Look here, Nabiki. You might think you're queen of the hill here, that nothing passes out of your notice. But I've been fooling you for months. Months. Did you know that? Don't pretend you knew. You didn't know me. You think you know me? You don't know anything about me." I ended pointing a finger right in her face. "I'll make this very clear. If you don't cooperate... I'll make you disappear." Her eyes, which had been widening in fear, shrank back. The normal, everyday iron face of Nabiki slipped back.
"Unusual. I knew you were hiding something. I didn't suspect this." she said, cooly. Gosunkugi scurried off, apparently convinced I had forgotten about him. I'll deal with him later. This security breach had to be contained, first. If you let Nabiki get her claws in you, she could be an amazing hassle. "I had no idea you were such a plotter. So, Saotome, what are you, ninja?" she asked.
"Of course not. But there is a little matter of an arrangement. You see, you're either going to work with me, or against me. And if you're working against me..." I paused. "I'll make sure you're out of the picture." Let her think what she may about that. I figured stranding her on Wolf Pack Island until I was ready to roll would do. Assuming it still existed. If it didn't, Antarctica would do wonders to cool off her temper.
"And how would you explain my absence to the family?" she retorted coolly.
"I wouldn't have to."
"And why is that?" she said, actually curious.
"Ahh.. now that is a secret." I said, waggling my finger. "Trust me, though, I can do it." At least, I can create a pretty convincing illusion of her. It's prretty easy: just make it as greedy and conniving as possible and no one will ever know the difference. At least not for a while. OK, a little while. Maybe a day. But I could still do it. Sorta. "Besides, even if I couldn't, you know who your father would make search for you. I would be creatively incompetent."
Nabiki actually laughed at that. "Funny. I like this side of you. Doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you." She gave me a hard look. " I will work with you, however. First, I'd like the money you got from those photographs of me."
"I'd like the money you get from my photographs." I shot back.
"Touche."
The next day I saw Ryouga practicing in the vacant lot near the dojo. He was letting off almost pure depression, and Akane was talking to him. She said something to him and left, and shortly thereafter he threw up a huge ball of energy, which promptly dropped down and smashed into the ground. "Man, what a lame technique." I said to myself, noting the spiralling currents of depression in the ball. "How does he expect to hurt anyone with that?" I pulled my recent prize out of stuffspace and smiled. "Sure will come in handy for me, though." I just hoped I'd be able to harness the power of that depression at the right time. I would need it. Hellmaster Phibrizzo was dead. Maryuoh Gaav was dead. If I wanted one of their positions, I needed to act fast.
I spent the next hour or so thinking of the most humiliating way possible to demonstrate the folly of the Perfect Shishi Hokodan. I needed Ryouga to go even further down that road of depression. If I pushed him just a little harder, he'd be the perfect psyche for my needs. A person completely devoid of anything but depression. What to do.. what to do.. ah! I'd need to prepare this quickly.
I teleported beneath the area we would be fighting in and fired a burst of energy, hollowing out the rock. I eyeballed the crater left by the Shishi Hokodan and made the top of my chamber reach just above that level. I then summoned a powerful magical flame and melted the dirt into a thin layer of glass. My next step was to teleport to China and go to a very special spring. If I did this right, it would be perfect. I used a simple gate and flooded the chamber. With the chamber filled, I simply struck the glass sides hard from the Astral Plane, shattering them.
If I could maneuver Ryouga into firing his Shishi Hokodan right over this spot - and that would be child's play - he'd geyser up a fountain of water and turn into liddle widdle P-chan right in front of Akane. He'd be at the deepest pit of despair. He'd let off another Shishi Hokodan and fall into the water, which I had been careful to never fully immerse myself in, to keep its very special properites. If that ultimate Shishi Hokodan didn't do the trick, having him fall into the Jusendo water would give me the ability to get as much power as I needed. I laughed villainously.
"OHH HO H-erk!" Dammit. I hate laughing evilly as a girl.
It was the day of the fight, and I was giddy with anticipation. There was Ryouga, looking like death warmed over, there were the crowds of vicarious thrillseekers, taking their seats in the stands, there was Nabiki, taking bets, and there were Zelas and Pop, in the stands. I sweatdropped and put my face in my hands. Zelas was drinking wine.. from a goblet.. in the stands. Well, this was Nerima, no one will notice. Probably.
I also saw Kuno sitting serenely, waiting no doubt for the defeat of the 'Sorceror Saotome'. Akane was sitting on the sidelines, right next to Ukyou.
I estimated the crowd at about 250. Excellent.
Ryouga slowly started forward. His eyes were almost completely devoid of life. His steps, usually so full of life and anger, were leaden, dead. "Saotome..." he growled. "Today I send you to hell!" With that he fired a normal Shishi Hokodan, which I parried with a golden ball of energy.
"Send me to hell?" I said, deciding to annoy him. "By the look in your eyes, we're already there." That got a slight rise out of him. I resolved not to say anything more during the fight. I wanted him to be the pinnacle of depression, not diluted with anger. He fired another Shishi Hokodan, which I agian batted away. This time, I fired another blast right afterwards, giving it the name I had decided on for my ki/magic blast. "MOKUO TAKABISHA!" Ryouga quickly countered it. I was getting impatient. When was he going to unleash his big gun? Usually he's in such a damn hurry to use his new moves. He already knows this other crap can't hurt me.
Ryouga growled and fell back. Seeing that he was about to unleash his move, I pushed him back so he was directly over the chamber I had constructed yesterday. "PERFECT SHISHI HODOKAN!" he screamed, and let loose with a tremendous blast of energy that ascended into the air. I moved back and threw my arms up.
"YEAH! Give me your best!" With this I would gain the power to be one of the Mazoku Lords! The complete and utter power of someone at the very nadir of despair! And if it was not enough, the little spring constructed underneath would let me expand that power base as much as I needed. It would be a spring of depression, a horrible river Styx that took away the joy of life and left only emptiness and despair. It.. wait, weren't those Perfect Shishi Hokodans only supposed to go up and down?
Damn! Ryouga somehow angled it into me! I took the hit without much of a problem, but then a geyser of pressurized water blasted out and flung me back."Pigtailed Girl!" I heard.
What followed was the greatest confirmation of Murphy's Law ever witnessed.
Kuno had seen me get smashed back by the water and was instantly on his feet and leaping toward me to check his precious 'Pigtailed Girl'. The ground under him collapsed as he landed, sending him right into the spring. And, sickeningly, as if in slow motion, the ground continued to collapse, and the stands toppled... right.. into.. the new spring. I began to inch back. Ryouga had fled at the first sign of geysers. This could be bad. This could be very, very bad.
I knew I was in trouble when Akane and Ukyou came out, followed by dozens of others. "PIGTAILED GIRL!" they all yelled. I screamed and ran.
"I don't understand it." I said, resting in Wolf Pack Island. Grandmother had left for her old place as soon as it was confirmed Hellmaster was dead. "What went wrong?" I asked, then took another gulp of sake. Sometimes it was nice to have a grandmother with every kind of alcohol in the world.
Even if I couldn't get drunk.
Of course, I wasn't getting an answer from my relatives. Every time I brought up the subject, they would just collapse in laughter. Finally, Pop managed to control himself enough to answer. "Heh heh! Well as I (excuse me! haha!) always say.. Simple is better!" with that he exploded into laughter again, then suddenly jumped up and glmoped me. "PIGTAILED BOY!" he yelled, causing me to jump.
"Don't DO that!" I yelled, teleporting across the room as he collapsed in laughter. Unfortunately, the victims of Kunoization weren't idiots, but they were in love with me anyway. I had found that out the hard way. All the guys attacked me in either body, and all the girls chased me in either, at least until they were hit with hot water. Kuno had died when the stands fell on him, but now when I went to school I'd probably have a horde of bokken waving idiots and lovestruck girls out there, all reciting bad poetry and throwing roses around. "It's just a dream.. a really bad dream.. L-sama save me." I groaned.
The only good thing to come out of this fiasco was that Akane was at a new level of piss-off (that is, when she wasn't trying to glomp me or attacking the other fiancees to get them to release their spell on the 'Manly Ranma'. Ugh.) after dealing with all the people who were after her. All the Kuno-cursed girls accused her of casting a spell on me.
"I suppose I'm going to have to find another way." I groused. "But mark my words! I will become a Mazoku Lord!"
And I'm still on a roll.
Sorry about the bizzare ending, but what the hey.. this is Ranma. Nothing that happens can or will suprise anyone in Nerima.
Another vote time! How many of you think the Kunoizations should be permanent, and how many not? IE should the curse go away after a few weeks or not? It's funny, but you might get bored of it.. it's up to you.
The Spring of Drowned Kuno will remain, though, likely to be the basis of horrible legends for years in Nerima..
I have to thank everyone for all the mail. Keep on firing your questions at me, the C&C, even flames, random comments, whatever. It's all fun.
Oh, and wild guesses are always welcome if you feel like predicting Ranma's actions. I always try to respond promptly - I'm on the computer most of the day, so I generally respond fast and often.