Lines Of Destiny

   A Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2  Crossover

   By Louis-Philippe Giroux
   [email protected]

   Thank you for all your comments!  Keep'em coming!
   C&C is always welcome!!! 

   Sailor Moon was created by Naoko Takeuchi and Ranma 1/2 by Rumiko Takahashi.  Please don't sue me.

   Chapter 12 (trailer)

   As soon as the bang from the Happodaikarin subsided, Akane opened her eyes, fearful of what she would see.  The first thing she saw was a very wet, and very male Haruka, standing ramrod straight and obviously in shock.  Ranma, still female, was groaning on the floor, slowly coming out of the Neko-ken.

   Michiru was, of course, the first one to notice.  "Haruka!" she cried out in shock.  "What's happened to you!?"

   Setstuna, who had just made a sneak entrance, beaned Michiru in the back of the head with the butt of the Time Staff.  "What does it look like, bubblehead?  She's a man, now, just as you've always wanted!"

   Michiru whirled around, rubbing her head.  "Ow, you obnoxious twit!  That hurt!"  Setsuna's words about Haruka's condition suddenly sunk (there was a lot of water around for them to do so).    She looked at Haruka, pursed her lips, and decided that she _liked_ Haruka like that...

   "USAGI!" screamed Rei in shock.  Everyone suddenly turned around, thinking that Usagi had once again managed to spill some grape juice on Rei's manga.  Unfortunately, it was a bit worse.  Usagi had also been sprayed with water from the flask and in her place now stood a young blonde man with the goofiest hairdo anyone had ever seen on a male before.

   Usagi-kun patted his chest experimentally and noticed that there was something (or rather two small somethings) that were missing.   "Waaaaahhhh" he wailed, sounding like a sissy, "I'm a guy!"

   "He looks just like my old sempai!" Makoto said, hearts in her eyes.  Ami edged away from her.  Minako didn't because she was busy falling in love with Usagi-kun.

   Mamoru was upset, of course.  He turned towards Setsuna.  "What are you waiting for?  Go back in time and undo this!"

   Setsuna shrugged, looking (and sounding) bored.  "Why should I?"

   Mamoru blinked.  "You can't leave her like this."

   "Watch me."

   Mamoru began to hyperventilate.  "If you don't, how can she become Queen?"

   Setsuna began picking her nose.  "She can still turn back into a girl with hot water."

   Mamoru was beginning to despair, but suddenly the answer came to him.  He smirked triumphantly at Setsuna.  "She can't become Chibi-Usagi's mother if she changes into a boy!"

   Setsuna smirked and snapped her fingers, dumping an armload of pink stuff on the floor.

   "Owiie..."  moaned Chibi-Usa.  "What am I doing back here?" she whined, putting everyone else on edge.

   "Chibi," said Setsuna.  "Mamoru here is worried you won't be born if Usagi remains a man."

   Chibi-Usa's eyes widened and she turned around, finally setting her beady little eyes on Usagi-kun.  "DADDY!" she said joyously, hugging the now-distraught young man.

   "What are you talking about, Chibi-Usa!?  I can't be your father, I'm your mother!" replied Usagi-kun, temporarily stopping the waterworks.

   "No you're not!"  Chibi-Usa replied, shaking her head and temporarily reminding Usai-kun that he could really go for some cotton candy right now.  "You're my father!"

   "Hey, wait a minute!" replied Mamoru, now again upset.  "_I'm_ your father!"

   Chibi-Usa shook her head.  "No you're not."

   "But what about all those times you tried act like you were my girlfriend?  You kept telling me I was your daddy!"

   Chibi-Usa rolled her eyes.  Oh come on!"  she said exasperatedly.  "Do you really think I'd go after my *own* father?  Just what kind of a perverted freak do you think I am?"  She paused as she felt one of her odangos being slowly chewed on.  She turned around and saw that Usagi-kun was tring to eat one of the pink puffs.

   "Sorry," he said sheepishly, letting go.  He suddenly became pensive.  "But if I'm your father, than who's your mother?  You obviously take some resemblance after me."

   "Silly," she said playfully.  "Where do you think I got my pink hair from?"

   There was a pregnant pause, and everyone turned to look at Ranma-chan, who was getting up off the floor.  She noticed everyone's stares.  "What?" she asked.

   "Mommy!"  the pink spore detached herself from her father and glomped Ranma-chan with a grip that would make a Xenomorph face-hugger proud.

   Ranma reacted calmly and logically.  "AAAHHHHH!!!  GET IT OFF!  GET IT OFF!" she howled, flailing around.  She suddenly managed to rip the offending organism off of herself and drop-kick it through the shrine's tritanium-plated outer wall. 

   There was polite applause in the shrine.

   Setsuna looked at her watch and counted to three.  The shrine doors burst open and three figures made their way into the room.   Three girls, each wearing some kind of outfit that made the Senshi's look like tame.   One had a mane of red-pink hair, the other red hair and the last one neon-green hair.

   "I'm Wedding Angel Peach!" announced the first one, as she approached Ranma-chan.  "I am Wedding Angel Lily!" announced the second.  "I am Wedding Angel Daisy" announced the third.  Then, all three at once pointed to Ranma-chan.  "And you are our newest team member!  Wedding Angel Rhododendron!"

   The Universe blinked.

   "What the _hell_ are you talking about!" shouted Ranma-chan at the trio.  *Wedding Angel Rhododendron?* she thought confusedly.  *What kind of name is that??*

   "Don't worry," said Angel Peach.  "Just hold this and say whatever comes to mind," she said, pushing a garter belt in Ranma-chan's hands.

   "Like hell!"  Ranma snorted. " You think you can get me to say 'Wedding Kawaii Flower'?".  She blinked as a light show enveloped her.  *Kuso!  I've got to stop doing this!* 

   As the light show faded, jaws began dropping all arond the room and the females present had to forcibly remind themselves that they would *not* be turned on by a girl.

   Angel Rhododendron blinked and looked at herself, clad in a white, diamond-studded wedding dress and filling it in a way that would have made any model on earth jealous with envy.

   She then fainted.

   Just then, a young man with light brown hair and dressed in a rather odd getup stormed in the room.  "Setsuna!" yelled Kanon.  "What the hell is this!?  I had dibs on this girl.  You promised me she'd become the Nurse Angel, not a reject from a fashion show!"  Angel Lily frowned began readying her lipstick...

   Setsuna stopped scratching her butt and put her hands up.  "Chill out, Kanon, everything will be okay."  She then went up to Angel Rhododendron and kicked her a few times.  "Oi!  Wake up!"

   Angel Rhododendron snapped awake.  "This isn't happening!" she said nervously, looking around.  She suddenly had an idea.  "I can't do this, I'm a guy!" she said, dousing herself with a convenient kettle.  The result was a young man who looked really stupid in a wedding dress.

   Setsuna belched and splashed Ranma with a ladle, turning her female again.  Ranma glared at her and doused herself with the kettle  again, only to find out she was still a girl.  "Hey, what happened!" she said, panicking.

   Setsuna held the Chisuiton up, grinning.  "Gotcha!"

   Ranma-chan would not be broken so easily.  "There's still the Kaisuifuu!" she shot back.

   Setsuna dumped a several pieces of what you used to be a kettle at Ranma's feet.  "You mean this?" she smirked.

   Ranma-chan began wailing, broken.  Setsuna frowned and bashed her with her staff.  Ranma-chan wobbled around and looked around her.   "I'm back!" Akana said happily.  Now, Ranma can stay stuck in _my_ head!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"   she laughed in a way that would have made Kodachi weep in jealousy.  She turned to Wedding Peach and Kanon.  "Let's go, boys and girls, I can't wait to try all those naughty outfits and grab a boyfriend or six!"

   Akane moved to the middle of the room.  "Ranma," she said, her voice choking with emotion.  "I'm sorry, but I can't love you as a girl.  I'm divorcing you and marrying Mamoru."

   Mamoru brightened at this.

   "Not so fast," said Setsuna, putting herself between Akane and Mamoru.  She took Ranma's discarded kettle and splashed herself, revealing to all that she was none other than a Jusenkyou-cursed...  Mamoru?

   The was another deep silence.

   "How?"  cried Mamoru.  "How can you look like me!?"

   "You'll find out," said Setsuna, tapping the floor with the Time Staff.  "You've got an appointment with Fate." 

   A hole suddenly opened under Mamoru, who yelped as he was swallowed by it.  When he was completely gone, Sestuna walked over to the hole and dropped the Time Staff in it.  "Enjoy yourself!" she hollered.

   Mamoru found himself dumped in a spring.  When she climbed out, she patted her chest and noticed that he was no longer of the male persuasion.  "What?..." she said weakly.

   "Oh, no, sir!" came a voice behind her.  She turned around and saw a pudgy-looking man in a Chinese Communist outfit run towards him.  "You fall in Plutoniichuan, where Time Guardian die in tragic accident 15 years from now!"

   Mamoru-chan blinked.  She yelped as the Time Staff fell on her head.

  "I almost forget!"  said the pudgy man.  "I told to give you this!"  He handed Mamoru-chan a letter.

   She opened it and read:  "Gotcha!  April Fool's Day!"

***********

   This short blurb was all I could come up with in one hour for April 1st on the FFML...

   Dedicated in good part to Benjamin A. Oliver, the biggest nut I have ever had the honor of conversing with.  He asked me to do something insane for April Fool's Day, so blame him...   ^_^

   Seriously, people, do you realize how often I've wanted to do something like this in LoD?  Now the big question is: how much of this will actually come true?   ^_^

   Well, I hope you enjoyed it because now, this will be haunting me until I finish this story...

   For those who still worry:  THIS WAS A SPOOF I POSTED FOR APRIL FOOL'S DAY!  NOT THE REAL CHAPTER 12!

I don't hold the rights to Wedding Peach and Nurse Angel Ririka either...

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