Anime Night Live!

Anime Night Live!
by the Scriviner
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Setting: Backstage. It is a very large split level area. There is a second floor (which is open to the first via a balcony) where the numerous dressing rooms are. Chaos currently rules with numerous anime characters moving back and forth all over the place. Oddly enough, there also appears to be a herd of cows milling about... the cows are standing upright and a few of them are smoking. In the center of everything, like the eye of the storm, is Tenchi Masaki, flanked by Aeka and Ryouko.

Tenchi: <speaking into a celphone> What do you mean Ryouga's in Peoria? We need him for the big opening number in... <glances at his watch> twenty minutes!

Ryouko: <screaming at some guy near the door>Hey! You with the Valkyrie! Yes you! Park it outside!! I don't care if you don't have anymore parking spaces you can't leave it in here!

Voice on the Phone: I'm sorry, but that's where I found him...

Aeka: <talking to a girl with a rather deflated looking pie>Oh my, no... That will never do..! Go over to the commissary and ask Miss Kuonji to give you some whipped cream!

<there's a muffled explosion in the distance>

Tenchi:<covers the phone's mouthpiece momentarily and shouts at someone at random> Go check that out!

Tenchi: <into the phone> Alright, alright... Stay where you are and I'll send someone to pick you guys up. <hangs up the phone and turns to Aeka> Would you send someone to pick up Ryouga and Iria at this address?

Aeka: Yes, Tenchi-sama <bows and dashes off into the crowd>

Ryouko:<floats up over everyone and shouts at the top of her lungs> Will everyone please keep quiet!?!

Tenchi: Now what? What's happening now?!

Voice in the darkness: Someone let Mihoshi near the fusebox again...

Tenchi: What about the generators?

Voice: She bumped into that too... they're still looking for all the parts...

Tenchi: This is a total disaster!

Voice: It's okay... Washuu... er... Washuu-chan, Doctor Ido and Professor Natsume are wiring Princess Lum into the building's power grid...

Tenchi: <looks up and heaves a sigh of relief> Thank goodness. <He turns to the voice who turns out to be Makoto Mizuhara in his princess Fatora outfit> Say, miss... aren't you supposed to be with the wardrobe crew?

Makoto: <looks worried and replies in a flasetto> Um... I'd rather not be...

Tenchi: What's the problem?

Ryouko:<floats over to another corner and whacks a smoking cow on the head with her clipboard> This is a no smoking area! Take it outside!

Cow with a scar on his face: <in a sullen mutter> Speceist...

Makoto: Look... it's complicated...

Tenchi: Everything is complicated here... <sigh> Fine, fine, I think they still need an extra pair of hands in the lighting department [Provided Skuld and Urd haven't managed to destroy that, too]

Aeka: <dashes back to Tenchi's side> Mr. Dyson said he'd take care of picking up Ryouga...

Tenchi: Who's Dyson?

Aeka: The fellow the devil-woman was screaming at earlier.

Tenchi: Good. <checks his clipboard again with a sigh> Is the wardrobe truck still in traffic?

Aeka: <checks her clipboard> I'm afraid so... last time they called they were still twelve blocks away.

Tenchi: Argh. [Why did I let them talk me into this?]

Setting: The Box Office. The street can be seen and there is still a long line of people waiting to get tickets. Inside the box office, Nanami Jinnai and Negiri cheerfully sell tickets. Nabiki is sitting in the back counting the money. Outside, several very large men are keeping order.

Nanami: <Handing a ticket to a customer>Thank you. Enjoy the show.

Negiri: Here you go. Front row. Have fun!

Nabiki: Pretty good take so far... this was a great idea, ladies...

Setting: Backstage.

Ryouko: <heaping abuse on another hapless stagehand>Did I tell you to put that there?! Who told you to put that there? What do you mean I did?!

Tenchi: <glancing at his watch> I'm not sure how much longer we can wait for them... we'll have to bump Ryouga's number back a bit and go with Priss and the Replicants.

Aeka: Um... we can't seem to do that Tenchi-sama...

Tenchi: <starting to look slightly annoyed> Why not?

Aeka: <looks at the floor, face blushing> They're all laid up in their dressing room sick to their stomachs...

Tenchi: What? Why?

Aeka: Well... someone let Ms. Shiko Kotubuki and Ms. Akane Tendo get into the catering crew. About a third of our stagehands are sick. <she blushes a little more> All of the toilets are jammed and Dr. Tofu is running out of medicine for everyone. Although to hear Mr. Saotome tell it, they're lucky to be alive.

Tenchi: <beating his head on the desk in front of him> Why me? Why me?

Ryouko: <pointing at someone in midair> You! The flying pig! Yes you! How many flying pigs do you see around here?! They need someone to fly the wardrobe truck here, it's stuck in traffic.

Tenchi: What about the Doco Singers?

Aeka: What about them?

Tenchi: Did they eat any of that food?

Aeka: No... I don't think so, but three... no... two of them are with the catering crew and one's in the box office. Everyone seems to be undermanned...

Tenchi: We don't have much of a choice. They're the opening number. Send them to costuming and let's get this show on the road...

Menacing voice from near the end of the building: You dare!?! I will make you suffer a thousandfold for this!!!

Tenchi: <looking in that direction> Now what? <grabs a random passerby> What's happening back there?

A girl in a penguin costume: I think Mr. Moroboshi was hitting on Ms. Pai again.

Tenchi: <sighing> Why me?

Setting: Wardrobe. Clothes of every sort are scattered everywhere. There are a number of make-up tables with mirrors all around the room. Interestingly enough... every single person currently working here is a crossdresser. Working here are Tsubasa Kurenai, Shun (from Koko wa Greenwood), Haruka Tenoh and Ryunosuke (from UY). Ranma Saotome (in female form) is sitting in a chair in front of one of the tables looking very pissed as Konatsu Kenzan skillfully applies makeup to her face. On closer inspection we realize that Ranma is in fact chained to the chair.

Konatsu: <says calmly as he stands back to look critically at his work>Now, if you'd just hold still a little Ranma, this'll be over in a minute...

Ranma-chan: <struggling against the chains> I told you already! I'm a guy! Guys don't wear makeup!!

Shun: <looking Ranma over> Wow... are you sure you're a guy?

Ranma-chan: <really pissed> Yes, I'm a guy can't you see tha-! Never mind...

Tsubasa: <in a mildly overdone cutesy girl's voice> But its just a little blush and some lipstick... it looks really good on you.

Ryunosuke: She definitely looks like a woman to me...

Shun: <asks Ranma>Are you sure we're not related?

Ranma-chan: <shouting> Yes I'm sure! No untie me!

Konatsu: Not just yet... I think you need just a little more eyeshadow... <turns to the makeup on the table and starts fussing>

Shun: <poking at Ranma's breasts> These sure feel real...

Ranma-chan: <shouting> They are real! Do you mind?!! Stop that!! I'm a man I tell you! A man!!

Shun : <slightly miffed> You don't have to yell you know...

Ryunosuke: <grabs Ranma by her collar and lifts her up slightly. Not much though, she's chained down> How could you throw away your femininity just like that?! Have you no pride?! Accept your true gender, and wear the clothes you should be wearing!

Ranma-chan: But I'm really a guy! How many times do I have to repeat this? And I ain't wearin no girl's outfit!

Ryunosuke: How can you keep saying that when you're so obviously a woman? <grabs Ranma's breasts and squeezes them to make her point>

Ranma-chan: Ack! Let go of me you pervert! <struggles against her chains and tries to kick at Ryunosuke>

Ryunosuke: <lets go quickly and recovers> Ahhh, stop that! We're both girls anyway...

Ranma-chan: <looking strangely at Ryunosuke> Wha..? Have you ever been to China?

Ryunosuke: <confused>What does that have to do with anything?

Haruka: <from one corner where she is rearranging costumes> Ryu- chan, if Ranma wants to wear masculine clothes, let her. We all make our own choices...

Tsubasa: <puts his hands on his hips and pouts prettily at Haruka> Not here they don't. Ranma has to be wearing the same dress as the rest of the group for the opening number.

Ranma-chan: <aggravated> I am not wearing a dress! And get these chains off me!

Ryunosuke: <looking slightly depressed> I don't get a choice either... <glances longingly at the clothes Tsubasa is cradling and the dress Tsubasa is wearing > Do you realize what I'd give for a chance to finally wear a pretty dress?

Tsubasa: <gives Ryunosuke a confused look> If you want to wear them, why don't you?

Ryunosuke: <angrily> I'd love to! But the last thing I want is for the entire wardrobe department to get washed away by a torrent of water.

Tsubasa: <looking confused> What are you talking about?

Ryunosuke: Trust me.

Shun: <from near the window> Hey! The rest of the clothes arrived! A flying pig just landed in the alley outside... and it was carrying the wardrobe truck!

Shampoo: <to Akane> Stupid pervert girl try to kill everyone else in crew.

Akane: <angrily> I did not try to kill them Shampoo! It's not my fault the souffl� got up and walked!

Shampoo: <spots Ranma in the chair> Ai Ren! <she dashes forward and glomps him!>

Akane: <stands there glaring at Ranma and Shampoo> Even in the dressing room!

Konatsu: <looks as if he wants to apply Ranma's makeup but the giggling Shampoo is on top of her on the chair and is in the way>Um... Ms. Shampoo... if you wouldn't mind, I still have to finish Ranma's make up.

Ryunosuke: <blinks in surprise> Oh... no wonder she was so adamant about being a guy.

Haruka: <looks at Shampoo and Ranma approvingly>

Shun: <watches with interest>

Kasumi: <obliviously happy smile on her face> We're here for our costumes.

Nabiki: <hands at her hips> Let's get this show on the road.

Ranma: <struggling against the chains, Shampoo, and trying to avoid Konatsu's attempts at makeup> I repeat! No costumes... <notices Akane who is already glowing as she stalks forward> Um... Akane... it's not..!

Ryunosuke: <puts a hand to her hip> Something tells me this job is going to be a lot harder than originally thought.

Setting: The Theater itself. It's very large and airy. The stage in front is divided into three large sections more or less curving around the front half of the theater. On the left section is what appears to be the band. A large number of people with musical instruments are lounging there, as the rest of the audience continues to file in. Stationed on one of the balconies closest to the stage are a pair of large cylinders made of wood (that look a great deal like salt and pepper shakers), with the symbols for left and right. Both of the cylinders seem to radiate a rather wooden calm.

Azaka: I wonder what time the performance will begin.

Kamidaki: No idea. But I'm sure Princess Ayeka has everything well in hand.

Azaka: That's likely.

Ayeka's voice from backstage: <screaming angrily> Come back here you disgusting little lecher!

Ryouko's voice from backstage: <screaming also> I've got him! I've got him!!

Female voice from backstage: <also screaming> He's got my underwear!

Another female voice: <angrily shouting> Kill the little pervert!!

Kamidaki: Then again... maybe not.

Azaka: Lovely weather we're having.

Kamidaki: We're indoors, how can you tell?

Azaka: I was trying to change the topic of the conversation.

Kamidaki: Oh.

Old female voice: Pipe down the pair of you! I can't hear myself think with you jabbering away!

Cologne: <makes a disgusted noise and hops back to her seat> That should keep those two chatter boxes quiet.

Yukari: Utterly shameful. In my day, a proper wooden post didn't talk. It's rather disturbing to listen to.

Cologne: Hmmph. In my day people who talked too loudly during performances were taken outside and torn to shreds...

Yukari: Tough neighborhood you come from, Cologne.

Cologne: It's Amazon law.