This is something a little different from the
other fusions you've no doubt seen. I've tried to
catch the spirit of both worlds without making it too
much like one or the other. Despite the names shared
by these characters with their originals, the
characters may not necessarily act the way their
namesakes would. Keep it in mind. I've tried to make
it a bit more mature, but still keeping a bit of
absurdity to keep things interesting. Also keep in
mind that there are quite a number of cameos from
various sources. Spot them all and win a prize! (Not
cash, sorry...) Please send C&C and any suggestions
on the story to [email protected]
Standard fanfic disclaimer averring that all
characters, situations, places and events with even
a vague resemblance to the work of Rumiko Takahashi,
Fujishima Kosuke's, whoever did Koko wa Greenwood or
any one of a number of works, probably was borrowed
in the first place. Apologies to all. Rights are to
whoever owns them. Don't bother to sue, though. I'm
broke.
I hereby present, for the reader's perusal:
Sore wa Nibunoichi Megami-sama.
(That's 1/2 My Goddess.)
A Ranma 1/2 - Oh! My Goddess semi-crossover
fanfic by Scriviner
That's 1/2 My Goddess Part IX
Of Serious Plays and Whimsical Theatre...
Tonight was the last night. The Martial Arts
Varsity had been working overtime this past month
because tomorrow... tomorrow would be opening night
for their production of the 'Golden Comb', a
traditional Japanese fairy tale. There hadn't been a
particular reason why they'd decided on doing this
play, beyond the fact that it had two female leads
and one male lead. Perfect for Ranma and the Tendo
cousins, Akane and Ranko.
Admittedly, there were other plays considered
for the fair, including Gosunkugi's insistence on
'The King in Yellow'. Fortunately cooler heads
prevailed. Likewise, there was a small faction within
the Varsity team, mostly comprised of a few newbies,
who had wanted to do 'Castle of Cagliostro' for the
simple reason that several of them had already acted
in it back in high school. Also considered was the
musical Sunset Boulevard, adapted into Japanese. With
Ranma as Joe Gillis, Ranko as Norma Desmond and Akane
as Betty Schafer. Unfortunately, Ranko had totally
refused to be made up as an aging silent film actress
past her prime and no one was able to come up with a
decent translation of the songs anyway, thus that
idea was scrapped.
Ticket sales were already through the roof.
They were going to have the auditorium packed. In a
few cases, members of the respective Saotome and both
Tendo fanclubs had purchased multiple tickets just to
spite their rivals.
Nabiki's offer to do the auditing for a small
cut of the fee was well received by the senior
Varsity members because they wanted to be free to
concentrate on the play... of course, Nabiki
neglected to mention she was going to use some of the
money to invest in certain... other activities. There
may be more on that later.
Natsume's 'one week visit while she's looking
for an apartment' had extended itself indefinitely.
She'd become a part of the household quite quickly,
becoming fast friends with Akane... Kurumi had been
sent home at the end of the week. They didn't want
their parents to worry... or drop in for that matter.
Ukyou, out of pity, had offered to cater their
practices for a small fee... Ryouga, of course,
immediately accepted.
But that was the past... tomorrow afternoon
would be the performance...
the play was the thing and tonight was the last
night...
Ranma spoke to Ranko, "So all this time... I
was... um... er..."
Mousse winced and stood suddenly from the cloth
chair which had 'Director' written across its back.
He'd insisted on bringing it. He was dressed in his
regular white overcoat, but he wore a red beret
slightly askew. He pulled a mega-phone out of his
coat and shouted into it, "Cut! Cut! CUT!!! Saotome,
tonight is our final run through and you still
haven't memorized your lines?!
Ranma frowned at Mousse, doing his best to
control his nervousness and irritation. It wasn't
really his fault it had to be admitted... for some
obscure reason, the story had originally been given
to Shampoo to turn into a play. She had managed to
create a wonderful stage play out of the traditional
fairy tale. Complete with stirring dialogue and
elegant metered prose. Unfortunately, she'd written
the original script in Chinese, before translating it
into Japanese. Despite Mousse's tutoring in the
matter, her Japanese still stank abominably. It was
eventually corrected by Mousse, but up until this
late date, errors still kept popping up.
Ranko, the current source of Ranma's unease,
draped her arms languidly around him, "Can't I at
least finish the kissing scene?"
To one side, Ryouga crossed his arms and glared
at Ranma. He was annoyed at the delay in general and
Ranma in particular. This was not new.
What was new, was that Natsume had her arm
linked with Ryouga's and was looking as if she were
enjoying herself just a little bit too much... She
had volunteered to play Ryouga's wife and was giving
a very convincing, if occasionally entirely too
enthusiastic performance, much to Ukyou's simmering
annoyance and Ryouga's utter obliviousness.
From offstage, Akane shouted, "It's a cut,
Ranko! When it's a cut you stop the scene! Haven't
you learned that yet?!"
Ranko turned to Akane, a grin on her features
as she winked, "What're you getting so jealous about?
I mean you've got two kissing scenes with him, I only
get one."
That was another problem. They hadn't managed
to practice any of the kissing scenes at all, because
something, somehow, would inevitably interfere.
Falling sandbags, flying okonomiyaki, thrown hammers,
rabid fans, even an escaped alligator. Not a single
kissing scene had been practiced yet. Not
surprisingly Mousse was exceedingly annoyed.
Mousse threw his megaphone onto the ground and
jumped up and down on it a few times until he felt
better, "That does it! Everyone take five! We'll try
it again afterwards!!"
Shampoo, holding a clipboard, followed Mousse,
giving an apologetic backward glance towards the rest
of the crew.
Ranko leaned close to Ranma, whispering
playfully into his ear, "You know... we could always
slip away and practice the scene on our own behind
the auditorium..."
Ranma pulled away from Ranko, a worried grin
pasted onto his face, "Erhm... thanks, but no,
Ranko." It was taking all of his willpower to keep
from transforming into a girl... Admittedly, the
transformation was now triggered by an act of will,
but Ranma had discovered the he still tended to
transform into a woman while in close proximity to
Ranko... Nabiki claimed it was just an ingrained
reflex, but no one was exactly certain.
Akane stalked towards them, "You can let him go
now, Ranko."
Ranko did, smiling cattily at Akane, and
favoring Ranma with a saucy wink...
Akane turned to Ranma a frown still marring her
features, "And you... try not to look so much as if
you're enjoying yourself!"
"But I wasn't..!"
"Yes you were!" Ranko called back as she walked
away.
Akane's frown deepened, looking intently at
him, "So what are you smiling for then?!"
"But he was supposed to look like he's enjoying
himself." Ryouga muttered darkly as he walked
offstage... "He's kissing her, for goodness sake,
he's supposed to enjoy himself right?"
"If you say so, Hibiki-sempai." Natsume cooed
adoringly from his arm.
"Right," Ryouga muttered, not realizing who'd
answered him.
"I wouldn't really know... I've never been
kissed..." Natsume murmured meaningfully to him.
He finally realized who was saying this,
"Erhm... shouldn't you let go of me now?"
"Should I?" she asked innocently.
Mousse moved quickly towards the prop managers,
still on a low grade simmer... the newbies in charge
gave a fearful glance towards him then quickly
consulted among themselves...
"Everything set, I hope?" Mousse asked, heavy
emphasis on the last two words...
"Er... everything but one," the pink-haired
freshman of uncertain gender replied, "We... er... we
couldn't find a golden comb..."
"WHAT?!" Mousse blew up, "How can we call this
play 'The Golden Comb' if we don't have a golden
comb?!"
Shampoo put a hand on Mousse's shoulder,
"Mousse-sempai stay calm... no be good to anyone if
no calm!"
"Er..." the newbie tried to say, "We... er...
we did find... um..." another member was shoved to
the fore, "You show him!"
"We got this." Said another freshman... a
somewhat unremarkable though handsome redheaded man,
holding a long piece of shaped black plastic in his
hand...
Mousse blinked at it through his glasses. He
paused for a moment to wipe his glasses clean on his
sleeve, hoping against hope that it wasn't what he
thought it was.
He put his glasses on. Blinked again then
finally said, "Is... that..."
Shampoo peered at it and blurted, "Ai-yah! You
want to call play, 'Black Hairbrush'?"
"This is unacceptable!" Mousse roared.
"No! No, it's okay!" the pink-haired freshie
soothed, "We found some gold paint... and well..."
The other freshman held up a can of gold spray
paint, and spritzed the hairbrush... it turned a
rather unconvincing shade of dark metallic yellow...
just like black plastic that had been sprayed with
gold paint...
"What did I do to deserve this..?" Mousse
muttered.
Ranma yawned hugely as he stepped out of the
rest room straightening the kimono that was his
costume... this entire thing was going into overtime
again. It was already past ten and Mousse was
apparently not going to let anyone sleep until they
had at least one perfect run through. No one had any
idea how long it would take to get one of those. It
was bad enough he had two roles in this production...
"Oh, Ranma..." a silken voice cut through his
thoughts...
Ranma turned around to find that Ranko was
leaning against the wall next to the restroom door.
"What do you want Ranko?" Ranma asked,
carefully.
"You." Ranko said, smiling at him as she
approached quietly...
Ranma backed away nervously, "Ranko, I... you
know I'm not... erhm..."
"No need to deny it Ranma... you can feel it
too..." Ranko continued, "This continuing denial of
your feelings isn't healthy..."
"No... no... no..." Ranma stuttered.
"I know why you keep turning into a woman
whenever I'm nearby Ranma... and it's not this
'conditioned reflex' thing Nabiki says..."
"Er... that's all very nice Ranko, but..."
"You know it's because I turn you on..."
"Wha--?!" Ranma choked, stopping in surprise,
"Where'd you get that idea-"
"No use denying it," Ranko said smiling
hungrily at him, "I can feel your pulse rate rise
when you look at me... I can feel the increase in
your body temperature... I know you want me..."
"That's not..."
Ranko wrapped her arms around his neck and
murmured softly, "Liar."
"Ran-ko! Stop that..." Ranma cried trying to
pull away... despite himself, she was starting to
affect him... Ranko was a devastatingly gorgeous
woman after all... and he was a man... a very tempted
man...
Her eyes twinkled merrily, locked with his,
"Yesss... you are enjoying it aren't you?"
"No..." Ranma denied vaguely and without much
conviction, "It's..."
Ranko lifted her face up to meet his, "You know
you want me..."
It was only Ryouga's timely arrival that
totally spoiled the entire scene, "Finally found the
bathroom..." he muttered.
Ryouga had to take a second look before the
scene occurring just next to the bathroom door
registered. He gave a tiny squeak before he collapsed
from a nosebleed. Some things his system just
couldn't deal with... two Rankos, one with long hair
and markings on her forehead another with shorter
hair, locked in a passionate embrace was one of them.
Ranko took a moment to glance at Ryouga, then
glanced back at Ranma who she realized belatedly was
now her height and another gender entirely... she
found her own face smiling sheepishly at her, "You
can let go of me now, Ranko..." Ranma said in her
voice.
She gave Ranma another catty smile, "You
know... I really must tell you that changing into me
isn't going to stop me from doing this... I mean I
know that body pretty well, if I do say so myself..."
she rubbed up against him a bit more pushing their
chests together and giving Ranma some rather
interesting new and surprisingly pleasurable
sensations to process...
Ranma's eyes widened in panic, "You wouldn't...
not with another girl..!"
"Try me," Ranko replied with a grin, running a
moist wet tongue across her lips, "I know it's still
you in there... just because you're me now doesn't
stop me from feeling what I do about you..."
"But I don't feel the same about you!"
"That's why I intend to teach you, right?"
Ranko murmured, gently pulling Ranma towards her...
"But Akane..!"
"One chance, Ranma... just give me one chance
and I can guarantee you'll forget her..."
"Ranko-sempai! There you is! Mousse-sempai
ready for next run-through... Ai-yah!" Shampoo
stopped short when she noticed the two. Her eyes
widened and she blushed, hiding quickly behind her
clipboard, "So sorry to interrupt..! If want kiss-
kiss go ahead, no mind Shampoo!"
Ranko rolled her eyes and sighed, "Always these
interruptions..."
"Erhm... we'll be right there, Shampoo." Ranma
answered.
"Who you?" Shampoo said peeking out from behind
her clipboard with a curious expression on her face,
"And where Ranma-sempai?
Ranma started to reply, "I'm... um..."
"Shampoo, I'd like you to meet my twin..."
Ranko said shifting slightly. She still had an arm
around Ranma's waist, and gestured at the transformed
Saotome with her other hand resting playfully on
Ranma's shoulder. She grinned. It wasn't a lie at
all... Ranma was currently Ranko's twin.
"I'm... uh..." Ranma glanced down at the
unconscious Ryouga and quickly grasped at the first
name which popped to mind, "Ryou-er... Ryouko... yeah
that's it. I'm Ranko's twin, Ryouko... heh... heh..."
she laughed nervously.
Shampoo looked relieved and she smiled at the
two of them, "Oh, so very happy to see you two
very... er... very close sisters. Very close... um...
what happen to Saotome-sempai and why you in his
costume?"
Ranko smiled smoothly and replied, "Ranma had
to go to the bathroom. He didn't want to wrinkle the
costume..." she nodded at her twin, one hand sliding
slowly down Ranma's back...
"Oh, Shampoo make you put it on first so it no
wrinkle! Shampoo see now. I go tell Mousse-nisama you
be ready in little while is okay?"
Ranma smiled nervously, "Yeah... er that's
it..."
Shampoo nodded and smiled as she walked away,
"Ai-yah... need find Natsume too..."
Ranma pulled away quickly from Ranko, his body
shifting quickly back into his male form, filling the
uniform out, "Ranko, please stop doing this! I'm not
interested!"
Ranko laughed, "That's not what your body keeps
telling me..." she kissed her fingers lightly and
pressed them to his lips, "A little reminder... come
on, we've got a show to put on..." She grinned as she
walked away.
Ranma sighed in relief... he wished she
wouldn't keep doing this... his nerves were frayed to
the breaking point. He'd had to deal with this sort
of behavior all through out the practice, but for
some reason she was being especially aggressive
tonight... he hoped with all his might that it
wouldn't continue. Save for that tiny part of him
kept hoping it would...
Ryouga collapsed onto the mat backstage,
exhausted... it was already four in the morning, and
he'd wasted precious minutes of rest just looking for
the damn mat... Mousse had been utterly merciless,
practicing them over and over all because of Saotome
constant slip-ups!
He curled up quietly hoping to get more than a
few hours of sleep... he'd be needing it...
Natsume smiled from the curtain as she watched
Ryouga slip into sleep. Ryouga's mat was in a fairly
isolated corner, far from everyone else. Everybody
else had collapsed in various other parts of the
auditorium, except Ranma and Akane who were still
going over their lines in Ranma's dressing room... no
interference there. She moved very quietly towards
the mat and lay down next to Ryouga. She felt that
she was being uncharacteristically bold... sleeping
next to him... but it was so hard to resist a chance
like this!
Mousse blearily inspected the equipment that
would lift Ranko up and fly her off the stage for the
big finale... it looked to be in good shape, even
though the equipment was old and they did have to
borrow it off of the drama club. They had been up the
whole night and they had yet to complete a faultless
run through. It was already nine in the morning,
everyone having barely managed to catch two or three
restless hours of sleep. Mousse was really feeling
it...
Once more all of the kissing scenes had been
muffed... those were to be their major selling point
and they hadn't gotten them right once! Not once. A
stumble here... a slip there... always just short of
total liplock! It was almost enough to make him take
his beret off and jump up and down on it...
Shampoo ran up to Mousse with a worried look on
her face, cutting through his musings, "What's the
matter, Shampoo-chan?"
"Mousse-sempai! Sayuri say she no can go on as
samurai's wife! Have bad-bad headache! Can barely
move... Kisaragi-kun take her to infirmary."
"She what?! She can't do this to me!!! Not now!
We need a replacement!" Mousse looked frantic. His
eyes narrowed behind his glasses and he stared at
Shampoo, "There's no help for it, Shampoo-chan!
You'll have to go in her place!"
"Ai-yah!" shampoo blushed, "Mousse-sempai too-
too believing in Shampoo. No can do that, Mousse-
sempai! Shampoo not same dress size as Sayuri-san.
Also Shampoo have very bad stage fright! No can do!"
"But who else can we get?! We picked Sayuri
because she was as tall as Ran--"
"Ryouga you total jackass! How could you?!" A
voice screamed from backstage.
Another voice called out, "Alright you
little... what do you think you're doing?!"
"What's going on back there?" Mousse demanded
as he stormed off in that general direction.
Shampoo shrugged and ran after him...
Ryouga stirred, still half asleep... he
couldn't feel his right arm... not so good... last
time that'd happened, it was because he'd gotten into
a particularly nasty fight... unfortunately, he
didn't recall fighting anyone, so that was out. There
was another odd sensation... he hadn't had this
particular one in a while... there seemed to be
something warm and soft pressed against his side...
and on his chest... was... that's a hand. No...
wait... that's two hands... Soft slender hands... the
last time he'd felt this... was a few years back...
when Ukyou was still his fiance...
He sighed happily... she'd forgiven him... he
was sure of it... he swung his other arm around so he
could hold her properly in his arms... he was
content. There was the sweet scent of her shampoo...
hmmm... since when did she start using that brand...
and she seemed a bit... taller than she used to be...
Nevertheless he was luxuriating in the warm
happy glow of this close contact... just as the voice
screamed in his ear and totally ruined the tender
mood...
"Ryouga you total jackass! How could you?!"
Ryouga's mind, still only operating at half
capacity, (which given his full capacity really
wasn't all that much to work with) tried to process
this. That was Ukyou's voice. It was her angry voice.
The one she used when she was mad at him. Why would
she be mad if she was lying next to him? The voice
didn't come from next to him... this did not compute.
His brain still not entirely willing to give up the
remaining portion which was asleep decided to consult
with the other senses... in this instance... the one
most necessary appeared to be vision... hence...
eyes... open...
Hair. Long. Brown. Ponytail... Matched with
Ukyou's... wait! That's not her face. Conclusion? Not
Ukyou.
He wasn't hugging Ukyou. That snapped the rest
of his mind into action.
The actual Ukyou was standing off to one side,
in a righteous fury. In her hands the gigantic
spatula... the sound of the shout had also attracted
other attention...
Ranma and Akane burst out of his dressing room
looking mildly disheveled. Other members of the team
who saw that quietly took note... Ranma saw just
precisely WHO was in Ryouga's arms and charged
forward, cracking his knuckles, "Alright you
little... what do you think you're doing?!"
Akane merely had a surprised and sad look on
her face, "All this time I thought he was still in
love with Ukyou..." she murmured.
Ryouga looked at the furious faces gathering
around him... and the numerous curious ones...
this... did not look good. It did not look good at
all. He took a second look at the girl he was
embracing. Her face hadn't changed at all. It was
still Natsume.
"This is not what it looks like!" He cried
holding one arm out as if to ward them off, "This is
SO not what it looks like!"
Ukyou and Ranma asked simultaneously, "And what
is it then, hmmm?!?!"
Ranma cracked his knuckles individually, each
one like a rifle crack, around him a pale blue aura
was beginning to form... most people took note of
this as well and backed off... Akane stared at it in
surprise... no human should be able to do that...
Ranko peeked in on the gathering and grinned at
the sleeping Natsume, "Whoo! You go girl!"
Akane turned to glare at Ranko.
Natsume gave a small happy moan in her sleep as
she pulled Ryouga even closer, pressing her chest
into his side... people looked to one another and all
agreed. This did not look good for Ryouga at all.
This was precisely the scene as Mousse and
Shampoo popped into view.
"What's going on here?" Mousse demanded.
"Ai-yah!" Shampoo blurted, murmuring to
herself, "There whole lot of love on this
production..."
"I'm going to kill you!" Ukyou screamed at
Ryouga.
Mousse stepped in front of the enraged woman
and said hurriedly, "You can't kill him! We still
need him for the performance!"
"Okay... fine..." Ranma muttered darkly, his
aura flickering brightly around him, "We finish the
performance, THEN Ukyou and I rip his lungs out."
Mousse smiled at Ranma, "An excellent notion
Saotome!"
"Mousse you traitor!" Ryouga called out from
his, let's face it, comfortable position.
Mousse shrugged at Ryouga, "Sorry, Hibiki-kun."
Shampoo looked quite worried, "But if we no
find person to replace Sayuri we no can put up
performance anyway!"
"There is that." The bespectacled man conceded.
Ukyou smiled coldly, "Does that mean we can rip
Ryouga's lungs out now?"
"What happened to Sayuri?" Akane asked.
Shampoo replied, "She have bad-bad headache. No
can perform."
Ryouga, it must be noted was trying to get
himself away from Natsume without waking her... it
wasn't working...
Mousse eyed Ukyou myopically, "Say... Kuonji-
san... you're about Ranma's height, aren't you?"
Ukyou gave Mousse a strange look, "Yes?"
Mousse peered closer at her, adjusting his
glasses. His gaze resting specifically on certain
frontal portions of her anatomy, "And I'd venture
about a 34 B..."
Shampoo blushed and gave Mousse a thump on the
back of the head with the clipboard, "Mousse-sempai
look like pervert doing that!"
Ukyou gave Mousse a quick annoyed whack with
her spatula, "What does that have to do with
anything?!"
Mousse grabbed onto Ukyou's ankles, "Please!
You have to take Sayuri's role! You'll fit right into
the costume and you've been here every night! She's
only got two lines! Please!!!"
Ukyou only gave a startled cry. Ranma blinked
in surprise at that, his aura guttering out.
Shampoo thumped Mousse repeatedly with the
clipboard, "Mousse-sempai! Show some dignity!"
"Wha..? Me? But I..." Ukyou struggled to free
herself of Mousse.
"PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASE!!!!"
Ryouga frowned slightly, "Hey! Sayuri's role is
as Ranma's wife in the early part of the play isn't
it?"
"Yeah it is." Ranma answered.
"No way!" Ryouga shouted in a jealous rage, "I
forbid you from taking that role!"
"It's just a play, Ryouga... what are you
getting so jealous for?" Ranko murmured playfully.
"Worried he's going to charm her permanently away
from you?"
"I'm not jealous!!" Ryouga shouted at her.
Ukyou's eyes narrowed, "You forbid me?" She
stomped towards Ryouga dragging the unresisting
Mousse along, "YOU? Forbid... ME? You haven't got any
right to do that you jackass! We aren't engaged
anymore! If I want to take the role, I'll take the
role!"
"Um... maybe forbid was too strong a term to
use?" Ryouga tried weakly.
Mousse muttered from her ankles, "Please say
you'll take the role..."
"I'm taking it," She shouted at Mousse stomping
back to Ranma and linking her arm with hers, "Choke
on THAT Hibiki!"
"Erhm?" Ranma managed.
Akane cleared her throat and took Ranma's other
arm, giving Ukyou a quizzical look.
Ranko stepped quietly behind Ranma and
whispered in his ear, "Mmmm... my aren't we popular
Saotome.
Natsume yawned awake at about this point and
was surprised to find herself and Ryouga surrounded,
"Oh... um... this is awkward..."
Mousse hopped to his feet, grinning madly,
"Excellent! Now that everyone's up we can do another
run through and hopefully we'll get it right this
time!"
Everyone groaned in unison.
"Very well, you little thieves!" Natsume
proclaimed in a laughing voice, "I will allow each of
you to take one item from my jewelry box, but only
one." She continued holding up a finger.
"Very well, mother." Ranko said airily, "Ahh...
what is this?"
"It appears to be a golden comb..." Akane
replied.
Ranko suddenly put her hands to her hips,
"Ahh... feh. Who are we kidding?"
"Ranko! Stop breaking out of character!" Akane
snapped at her.
"The guys in the props department still haven't
found something for us to use as a golden comb."
Ranko sighed, "This is kinda pointless."
"We may as well keep practicing you know. We've
only got a few more hours til curtain and I'm sure
they'll come up with something." Ukyou replied from
the corner. Natsume looked thoughtful for a moment
and seemed as if about to say something.
The four women were in Akane's dressing room
going over their lines one last time. After the third
muffed run-through Mousse had told them rather
despondently to go off and get some rest. They were
already in costume and doing their best to go over
their lines. The rest of the cast had gone off for
some lunch, but the paper plates bearing remnants of
okonomiyaki scattered about the dressing room were
all that remained of the four women's meal.
"I don't know... my heart isn't exactly filled
with confidence, with Mousse in charge of this
thing." Ranko sighed.
"Or Ryouga..." Ukyou muttered darkly.
"Ukyou-nesama, I know you and Ryouga-sama had
some problems in the past, but is it really fair to
stay angry at him for so long?"
Ukyou tsked at Natsume, "If we hadn't cleared
up your sleeping next to him sooner, I'm not sure
what Ranma and I would've done to him."
Natsume's eyes glazed over a slight goofy smile
on her face as she clapped her hands together, "But
he's such a handsome and honorable guy, how could
you..."
"You didn't get left at the altar by him."
Ukyou snapped at her.
"Are you jealous?" Natsume asked, eyes
narrowing slightly. "Is that what it is?"
Akane stepped between the two, holding her
hands up, "Hold it! Wait, this bickering isn't
getting us anywhere, besides I thought we had it all
sorted out, nothing happened."
Ranko smirked, "True enough, but there's a lot
that can happen with... ahem... nothing happening."
"What're you..?" Akane started.
Ranko sidled up to Natsume, putting an arm
around her shoulders playfully, "So... did you at
least get a kiss off of him? Or get a nice long feel
of those muscles..? Or maybe..." she whispered
something into Natsume's ear.
Natsume's eyes widened, "Ranko! What a thing to
say!"
"Honestly!" Akane sighed at Ranko.
Ranko grinned at Ukyou, "Perhaps a learned
opinion over there? How DOES Ryouga kiss, Ukyou?"
Ukyou's face clouded as she folded her arms,
"He's not bad a kisser... not as good as Ranm... I
mean... um..." she realized what she nearly said and
blushed deeply.
Akane, Ranko and Natsume's eyes all suddenly
widened, "WHO?!"
Natsume bounced over to Ukyou, "You actually
kissed big bro?"
Akane needless to say was in shock.
A slow catty smile spread over Ranko's
features, "You did, didn't you?"
Ukyou blushed, "Hey! Aren't we supposed to be
practicing?!"
Natsume grinned, "Yeah, but this is more
interesting. When was this? Tell!"
The redhead nodded in agreement, "Well if you
don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but he IS a
very good kisser."
Ukyou and Natsume turned quickly to look up at
Ranko, "You kissed him too?!"
"Mmmm... yes. Full on the lips, at least a full
minute, right Akane?" Ranko grinned, turning to look
at the now glaring young goddess.
Akane grumbled something under her breath, "You
don't exactly have to brag about it you know."
Natsume looked puzzled, "But I thought Akane
was his fiance?"
Ukyou, glad that the heat was off her, "I still
don't understand their relationship and I've known
about the three of them for months..."
"I am his girlfriend, yes." Akane said in a
tight controlled voice, stomping to Ranko, "It's just
that SOME people can't seem to control themselves!"
Ranko laid a hand on her chest and replied
innocently, "But he seemed so enthusiastic..."
"He was fighting for air, you idiot!" Akane
snapped back.
"Which is only distracting us from the original
point which was, Ukyou kissing Ranma..." Ranko
deflected, smiling at Ukyou.
"Wait, wait, wait... to think I always thought
of my bro as the shy type... well, let's get to Ukyou
in a moment, but I guess this means you've kissed him
too, right?" Natsume asked Akane.
"Um... well..." Akane shifted uncomfortably.
Ranko's jaw dropped, "You mean you two still
haven't even kissed after all this time?!"
"We have. Sort of. Well, I'm not like you
okay?!" Akane snapped at her.
"You've got to be kidding! I heard you were
spotted with him walking into a love motel!" Ranko
sputtered.
"No kidding?" Natsume boggled, "Wow, I didn't
realize 'Nichan had gotten so... so bold."
"It's not what you think!" Akane shouted.
"Yeah it probably isn't," Ranko smirked, "I
mean neither of you would dare..."
Akane continued glaring at Ranko as the red
head turned to the blushing Ukyou, "So... about your
kiss with Ranma?"
"Hey, wait! I want to hear about 'Nichan in a
love motel!"
"Fine we'll have Akane tell us later, Ukyou
first." Ranko grinned.
"Er... it's no big deal... we were still in
high school, we'd just finished the only real date we
ever had then he kissed me goodnight. Actually I
kissed him... it was... nice." Ukyou still seemed a
bit embarrassed, stealing an occasional glance at
Akane, but there was a certain dreamy undertone to
her voice as she remembered.
Akane gave a defeated sigh. She drew a breath,
getting ready to say something when the door suddenly
burst open and a purple haired woman rushed into the
room, "Ai-yah! Still no comb! No one find any golden
comb! Mousse say he make play 'Black Hairbrush' and
we hope no one notice!"
"I knew it." Ranko sighed languidly.
"Ranko-sempai, what happen to twin, Ryouko-
sempai?" Shampoo blinked.
"You have a twin?" the other three girls asked
simultaneously. Akane's eyes narrowed, knowing only
one possible person THAT could be.
"She's around..." Ranko replied vaguely.
"Well if see her, better say Mousse-nisama tell
everybody not with varsity go away. Close up
backstage."
"I will if Ryouko shows up again, but I don't
think she will."
"In meantime Shampoo have to go look for comb
to use... that or change all signs."
"Well the play doesn't hinge on the comb right
entirely, right..? Akane asked slowly.
"But is title! Is major plot part! Is too-too
important!"
"Hey, I think I've got something that could fit
the bill!" Natsume said after a moment, "Just let me
root through my purse if it's still... in... here...
aha! Got it!" as she pulled out what appeared to be a
small plain-looking and battered metal hair comb, a
dull metallic yellow in color.
"Hey, I recognize that. Didn't Ranma give it to
you on your fourteenth birthday?" Ukyou remarked,
looking at it.
Natsume giggled, "Actually, I found it in his
sock drawer looking for my gifts."
"I remember now! He forgot to buy you anything
so he let you keep it." Ukyou snickered.
"He didn't even know how it got in there..."
Natsume added.
"That perfect!" Shampoo said taking the comb in
her hand, "Okay, maybe it not perfect, but it close
enough!"
Ranko blinked in surprise as she stood up next
to Shampoo peering at the comb, "Hey, Akane! Doesn't
this thing remind you of that thing we used to have
when we were kids?"
"What thing?" Akane asked, perplexed.
"You used to have a comb like this when we
were... I don't know... ten or something? I remember
I kept trying to take it away from you."
Akane moved closer to Shampoo who was still
turning the comb this way and that in her hand, "You
did? I don't remember."
"Yeah... I don't remember what happened to it
either... I think you lost it somewhere." Ranko said
uncertainly.
"I really don't remember at all," Akane said a
small frown on her face.
Natsume giggled, "That would be funny."
"What would?" Ukyou asked.
"What if the comb is actually Akane's but
somehow Ranma found it somewhere, then tucked it in
his sock drawer, forgot about it and ended up giving
it to me?" Natsume smiled.
"Wow! Big-big coincidence."
Ranko looked at Akane who traded a confused
glance back to her, "Nah... I don't think so." The
cousins said simultaneously.
Ranko shrugged elegantly. At least she hoped it
wasn't... the potential implications of THAT would
be...
"Comb look okay. Shampoo borrow it for while
Natsume-san?"
"No problem, Shampoo." Natsume replied.
"Curtain in hour and half! Everybody make sure
make up and costume is ready!" And with that Shampoo
left the room, murmuring softly to herself, "Maybe if
use metal polish..."
"Where were we anyway?" Akane asked.
"Your last line was '...golden comb'," Natsume
replied, "Then I say, 'Ahh... how did that get in
there?'"
"Right."
Show time. The house was packed. Pretty much
everyone from the university was there. Not to
mention quite a number of last minute arrivals when
word got out the Ukyou would also be participating.
No small number of Office Ladies and other students
managed to finagle tickets from scalpers. Suffice it
to say they would most likely be surprised if they'd
known before hand what Ukyou's actual role was.
Nabiki was standing just off stage with Mousse.
Nabiki was giving him a small, satisfied smile. He
simply looked close to collapse.
"Our final net take, less taxes, expenses,
accounting and handling fees..."
"What accounting and handling fees?!
"Mine, of course."
"You never said anything about..."
"I sincerely hope you aren't thinking of NOT
paying me..."
"Erhm..."
"In ANY case, here's how much the Varsity
made." As she flashed him her calculator where a
certain figure had just been tapped onto the screen.
Even behind his glasses, Mousse's eyes boggled,
"That much..?" he whispered.
Nabiki grinned.
Mousse returned the grin. Life... was good. And
with that befuddled, caffeine-addled grin pasted to
his face, Mousse promptly collapsed into a deep
sleep.
Nabiki smiled and slipped a few pieces of
papers into Mousse's hand... orders signed by him.
Not exactly what he would've said himself, but close
enough to suit her. Price paid, she smiled.
She glanced in Shampoo's direction as the
purple haired amazon adjusted her glasses worriedly,
running up to Mousse.
Outside the audience was getting restless.
Admittedly, it was still ten minutes to curtain time,
but the majority of this group was composed of people
who weren't exceptionally good at waiting. There were
exceptions, of course. Kasumi Tendo for instance, who
was seated front row center was engaged in a rather
fascinating if one-sided conversation with the people
to either side of her. One of who appeared to be
asleep. The other looked about ten years old.
Backstage, people rushed back and forth as last
minute preparations were being completed.
"Who's got my hairpiece?!"
"What happened to the winch?!
"Gosunkugi, you're supposed to be OUTSIDE to
take the photos!"
"Who has my facepaint?"
"Put those away for later!"
"Flower delivery for Ranko Tendo... flowers for
Ranko!"
"Over here!"
"Who're they from Ranko?"
"Oh no, not him again..."
"Not who again?"
"Oooh, a bouquet of red roses? These're
expensive..."
"Where's the card?"
"It was here somewhere."
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"Tatewaki Kuno?" a number of voices chorused.
"Orders from Mousse-sempai!"
"Last minute script change AGAIN?! Who
authorized this?"
"Who else, sugar?"
"Use our real names? But why?!"
"No ask Shampoo, is Mousse-sempai order."
"Where is he!?!"
"He sleep. You no interrupt, Ryouga-sempai..."
Suffice it to say that chaos was a mild, though
appropriate, word to use.
But that was then and this was now. The packed
theatre began to darken... and the curtain began to
rise.
"Once upon a time," a reedy, yet somber voice
spoke, "There were two noble samurai families that
served under a powerful daimyo."
The stage lit up showing two sets, the
interiors of two homes with the middle of the stage
done up obviously to represent the street. As the
lights illuminated the house on the left, Ranma in a
resplendent red and black brocaded kimono wearing a
rather convincing fake mustache and his ponytail
tucked under his collar, sat next to a beaming Ukyou,
also in a similar kimono. To the right sat a rather
disgruntled looking Ryouga, in a kimono of gold and
black, an adoring Natsume clinging to his arm looking
quite ecstatic.
Spontaneous applause broke out among the
audience.
"I believe," Ranma spoke, "I shall visit my old
friend Ryouga." There seemed to be a slight angry
emphasis on the word 'friend'.
Ukyou smiled demurely at him, then cast a glare
in the general direction of the other house, "Oh,
yes. It has been a while since you saw him." Angry
emphasis on him.
Ranma nodded slowly, "Yes... why don't you get
some rest, darling. I will just be a moment."
They both stood, Ranma helping Ukyou up. Ukyou
as she stood appeared to be well into the advanced
stages of pregnancy, her stomach swollen immensely,
looking ready to give birth at any moment. Her
earlier posture had hidden it.
As Ukyou glided offstage, Ranma began to walk
towards the other half of the set.
Ryouga suddenly perked, "Ahh... I think I hear
Ranma coming over." His voice was light and perhaps
almost cheerful, but his face looked as if it were
set in stone.
Natsume smiled at him and simpered, "Oh, he
hasn't been by in so long, but I suppose with his
wife's pregnancy he has been quite busy."
Ryouga's face darkened, "Yes... Ukyou's
pregnancy..."
Ranma finally opened the door to Ryouga's home
and strode in, smiling, "Ryouga, how are you my
friend?" his smile was fixed but looked ready to fall
off.
"Ranma! How good to see you!" Ryouga said with
little enthusiasm, bearing a similar smile.
"Well... I believe I shall leave you two to
talk..." Natsume said rising to her feet. She too was
hugely pregnant as she glided offstage.
The two men stood staring at each other smiling
for a long while. Their stares challenging.
"So... how's Ukyou?" Ryouga asked with false
cheer.
"Oh, she's _wonderful_ the doctor says she
could give birth as early as this very evening. And
how's Natsume, Hmmm..?" Ranma asked pointedly.
"She's also well. Our doctor also says she
could give birth tonight." Ryouga replied.
There was a pregnant pause.
"Well." Ranma said. Their staring match
resuming.
"Well, well." Ryouga replied.
There was another long pause.
From the audience there were already quite a
number of murmurs, "Aren't they supposed to be
friends?", "I remember this story, maybe they're
trying to add in backdrop?", "What that the samurai
Ranma is playing is married to someone the samurai
Ryouga is playing is in love with? No way...", "Why
not?", "Interesting start...", "Didn't that Natsume
look cute?"
From offstage, Shampoo whispered fiercely, "Say
next line!"
"Well," Ranma continued finally, "Seeing as how
we've been friends for so long, what do say if we
were perhaps to cement the union?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, since our wives are pregnant and could
give birth any day now... if one of our children is a
girl and the other a boy..."
"... perhaps we should engage them to be
married when the time comes?" Ryouga interrupted.
"Precisely."
"I like the idea." Ryouga said
unenthusiastically.
"Let's shake on it." Ranma smiled falsely.
"Yes." said Ryouga, grasping Ranma's
outstretched hand...
They clasped hands and there were long moments
as both their faces strained.
Shampoo finally realized what was going on and
called out in a harsh whisper to the two freshmen,
"Fade lights!"
Ranma and Ryouga continued to squeeze each
other's hands as the lights dimmed to darkness. There
was the sound of feet stomping across the stage
followed by two quick whacks and a soft voice with a
sing-song Chinese accent muttering fiercely, "Do play
right or Shampoo withhold both you pay!"
The reedy voice started again, "And so it came
to pass that that very night, a boy was born to
Ranma's family who in his pride named the child after
himself and a girl was born to Ryouga's family, who
was named Ranko.
The lights turned on again for a moment to depict the
two proud fathers, in each of the their homes,
smiling as their respective wives held small bundles
in their arms... from each bundle small pigtails
stuck out.
"Thus, the agreement that when the boy and the
girl were to be betrothed to one another was sealed
between the two fathers..." as the voice spoke, Ranma
and Ryouga approached each other, bearing happy
smiles that didn't reach their eyes, bowed formally
to each other.
"As a bride price and a gift to seal the
betrothal, Ranma gave to Ryouga's family, with all
due pomp, a beautiful golden comb."
At this Ranma said, "Here ya go." And flipped a
glittering golden object into Ryouga's hand who
glared at him. There were brief titters from the
audience. From offstage Shampoo gave an agonized
groan.
Ranma with an arm around Ukyou's shoulders
walked off stage. Their heads low. Ryouga's face was
impassive as he stood next to Natsume, who was still
holding the little bundle with the red pigtail.
"And many years passed and things changed." The
voice continued, as the curtain dropped...
From behind the curtain were a number of
muffled cursings and rattlings. As the curtain rose
again, Ryouga's home was now center stage, around it
were what appeared to be gardens.
The lights illuminated Ryouga sitting happily
at a dinner table, next to him was Natsume. Their
hair appeared lighter colored, Ryouga's hair was shot
through with silver.
"Ryouga prospered and his family grew by one
more after the birth of a second daughter, Akane."
Ranko and Akane walked onstage. Ranko skipping
merrily along and Akane gliding in with serene
dignity. There was loud applause and catcalls from
the audience, Ranko taking a moment now and then to
wave to them or to wink as someone. Ryouga nodded
once and stood up, smiling fondly at the two. Ryouga
walked offstage.
"The two daughters, were so different in
temperament that many were amazed that they were
sisters. The elder, Ranko was lively, happy and
playful, while Akane was the more sedate and calm."
Ranko whispered to Akane, too low for the
audience to hear, "What a lie..."
Akane turned to glare at Ranko. The audience
noticed this.
"But despite this, the two sisters were devoted
to each other."
"Mother!" Ranko called merrily out to Natsume,
"See what Akane and I have found!"
Natsume saw the box in Ranko's hands and raised
an eyebrow, "Ahh... what have you found indeed. If I
did not know better, I would say that that is my
jewelry box." She smiled fondly.
Akane nodded, "We found it in your room mother
and would ask if we could look through it, perhaps
for a little something for ourselves?" she asked
hopefully.
"Very well, you little thieves!" Natsume
proclaimed in a laughing voice, "I will allow each of
you to take one item from my jewelry box, but only
one." She continued holding up a finger. Ranko and
Akane set the box down onto the table, opening it
eagerly.
"Very well, mother." Ranko said airily, "Ahh...
what is this?" as she held up the golden comb.
"It appears to be a golden comb..." Akane
replied in a surprised tone.
"Ahhh... I thought that had been long since
lost! I'm afraid not, my daughters, ask for any other
item, but not this."
"Why not, mother?" Ranko pouted, "You said we
could have one item, and I believe I like this one."
Natsume looked down, regret obvious on her
face, "That comb has a tragic story attached to it,
my daughter. I fear you would not want it if you but
knew..."
"Why not tell us mother?" Akane asked, eyes
shining eagerly, "It seems so lovely, how could it
have such tragedy?"
"I will tell you then," Natsume said composing
herself, "When Ranko was born, that same night, so
too was born the son of one of your father's
friends... another nobleman... his son, was betrothed
to you, Ranko."
Ranko's face showed surprise, "Why wasn't I
told of this before?"
"Alas..." Natsume said, continuing regretfully,
"Many years ago, before even Akane was born, the
family of your betrothed was exiled by the daimyo.
There was no explanation given and that nothing had
happened to stain their family honor, but it was
deemed necessary that they leave."
"How sad." Akane murmured.
Ranko held the comb tightly in her hand, her
eyes shining, "You mean, there is someone out there
who is meant for me? My betrothed is somewhere out
there and I not only have never seen him, but will in
all likelihood never see him?"
"I'm afraid so, my daughter." Natsume replied,
lightly stroking Ranko's hair.
The lights dimmed and the spotlight turned on
Ranko who sat at the table, still beautifully posed.
She gazed longingly at the comb, "I do not know
you... I will never know you... and yet... I suddenly
feel so incomplete, where once I was a whole, now I
am no more than half..."
Ranko rose slowly to her feet pacing the stage
slowly...
The narrator's voice spoke, "The hours
stretched into days... the days to weeks and the
weeks to months... Ranko pined away for her unknown
betrothed... for sight unseen, she had fallen in love
with him and longed to meet him that they could be
complete... but still he did not appear, and she knew
it was futile, but still she pined for him..."
The spotlight followed Ranko as she paced the
stage, until she slipped into a futon off to one side
and lay quietly, the comb still tight in her grasp.
"Until at last she died of a broken heart.
Longing for her betrothed."
Around Ranko Ryouga, Natume and Akane gathered
heads bowed in silence, weeping softly.
From the opposite end of the stage, a
bedraggled Ranma, now in tatters, the false moustache
gone and his pigtail free lurched slowly across the
stage, followed by a second spotlight, just as the
first began to fade.
"Exactly one year had passed since Ranko's
unfortunate demise when Ranma appeared, son of
Ryouga's friend, the elder Ranma, Ranko's betrothed."
The stage lit up again, Ryouga alone at the
table, watching Ranma warily as he approached.
"May I help you?" Ryouga asked coldly.
"Um... sir, my name is Ranma..." Ranma bowed.
"I had a friend named Ranma once..." Ryouga
said thoughtfully.
"I know, sir. I'm his son."
"What?" Ryouga spoke, "No... really? What
happened to you? You look terrible!" he stood up.
"I know sir... since my family's exile our
fortunes have taken a turn for the worse... both my
parents are dead and I am all that is left."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"I.... I came here to honor my father's last
wish, sir."
"And that is?" Ryouga asked.
"He told me about the betrothal just before he
died. I know I don't have much, sir, but I'm willing
to work hard and I have a strong back. Allow me to
work in your service until such time as I can prove
worthy of my betrothed and I will..."
Ryouga's eyes grew sad as he looked at Ranma,
"Oh, my boy... I'm so terribly sorry. You have
arrived too late. My daughter has been dead this long
year. I'm afraid you have come here for nothing."
Ranma looked stricken.
"But if you wish to work for me, I shall be
more than happy to accept your service... you are the
son of my oldest friend and I couldn't possibly turn
you away. Live in my home, work upon my grounds and I
shall treat you as you deserve."
"That is very magnanimous of you, sir."
"Not at all..." Ryouga replied getting to his
feet and clapping an arm around Ranma's shoulders,
"Walk this way... how much gardening experience have
you had?" he asked as the lights faded again.
"And so it came to pass... Ryouga took the
younger Ranma into his service."
As the lights came up again, Ranma walked
around the new set, puttering with gardening tools.
Most of the stage resembled nothing so much as a
garden. To the left of the stage was a small cottage,
open to the audience, which showed a futon and a
desk.
"Because of Ryouga's excellent treatment, Ranma
found that he liked his new position in life and
worked diligently for his master, tending to the
grounds with the utmost care and devotion."
As Ranma continued to work, Akane slowly walked
across the stage... Ranma paused long enough to watch
her, a longing look in his eye as she passed, but the
narration continued, "He worked for many months, only
occasionally catching glimpses of the family as he
tended to his duties. His glimpses of the younger
daughter Akane he treasured most, though he would
scarce admit it to himself. Neither the younger
daughter, nor Ryouga's wife was informed of his
parentage, and it appeared to please both men."
"Until one evening. That the family returned
late from an engagement..."
The lights dimmed somewhat and Ranma stood at
the side of the stage away from the cottage. A large
palanquin, covered and presenting only the silhouette
of the three figures inside, was carried across the
stage on the backs of several heavyset men... there
was a slight flash and a tinkle as some object fell
from the palanquin.
Ranma bent over showing surprise as he picked
the item up. The palanquin disappeared offstage and
he held up the object which he had taken. It was the
golden comb. Once more murmurs passed through the
audience as Ranma contemplated it.
"What's this? Ahh... the samurai's daughter
must've dropped it as the palanquin passed." Ranma
spoke aloud, "Well, it's late. First thing tomorrow
morning I shall return it to her."
And with that he slipped it into his pocket
walked towards the well-lit cabin. He began
pantomiming his preparations to go to bed... but as
he did, in the darkened garden a figure began moving
to and fro among the bushes, obviously searching for
something.
Ranma glanced out in surprise, "What could that
be? An intruder? Or perhaps a ghost?" an expression
of worry crossed his face just as a sudden loud knock
came from his door, the gliding silhouette which had
been searching the garden was now sanding next to it,
knocking hurriedly.
"Who is it?" Ranma called out.
"It is Akane," the figure called out as a
spotlight bloomed on her.
"Lady Akane?" Ranma asked in confusion as he
opened his door. She stepped inside looking
apprehensively at him.
"It is so late at night, my Lady, what are you
doing up?"
"Have you found my comb? A golden comb? I must
have lost it as we were returning and I must find
it."
"Oh. I did find something... is this it?" as he
produced the comb.
"Yes!" Akane said enthusiastically. Ranma
handed it over to her wordlessly, but as she took it
in her hands she swooned into his arms.
Ranma blushed, "L-l-lady, Akane!"
As her eyes opened a languid smile appeared on
her face, her arms snaking up to encircle his neck,
"My love... it is you..."
"M-m-my lady..! This is..!" but before he could
complete his statement, she pulled him down into a
deep kiss, much to the delight of the audience.
Ranma struggled briefly in surprise... this
wasn't in the script! He thought to himself... but
then again he should be enjoying himself... this was
Akane... wasn't it... but then he blinked as the kiss
ended... he knew that kiss... that particular guilty
pleasure...
To the audience it appeared as if Akane and
Ranma clung to each other lovingly. In actuality
Ranma was whispering harshly, "Ranko! That's you
again!"
"Mmm... you know me so well..." 'Akane' giggled
softly.
"Where's Akane? You're ruining the scene!" he
continued whispering.
"Ruining, nothing." She smirked, "The audience
loves it. Now say your next line..."
"But where's Akane?!"
"In the bathroom... door's locked. She'll get
out soon." She winked, "Next line, handsome."
"Er... um... ah... my lady! What's come over
you?!" Ranma said in a tight voice, trying to pull
away.
"You are the man who was betrothed to my sister
those many years ago, were you not?"
"I... yes, but how did you know?"
"My father told me... and I have watched you
these many months and the comb is but the last proof
I need. I love you..." she said.
Ranma gaped, "But... you... I..."
"Please..." she begged, "I would be with you.
Thought I know you were promised to my sister, let me
fulfil the promise your father and mine made... come
away with me..."
"But my duty to your father... though I have
often watched you... and I too have feelings for you.
I l-l-lo..." Ranma tried to complete his line with
difficulty.
Shampoo frowned offstage, whispering, "Why
Ranma-sempai having trouble saying word? He always
get right in practice! What wrong?!"
Ranko touched her fingers to his lips,
silencing him, "Say no more... I know how you feel
for me as well my love."
"I can't leave..!"
"Would you leave me alone then?"
"I... I can't.
"Let us quit my father's home this very night.
If you will not then," she smiled slyly, "I shall
call my father and scream loudly that you have forced
your unwelcome attentions upon my young body... that
you tore away at my clothing fully intending to
ravage me and take me for your base lusts and savage
pleasures." She opened the neckline of her kimono
somewhat, exposing a bit of Akane's pale white
shoulder to Ranma's view.
A number of men in the audience got
nosebleeds... offstage, Ryouga fainted. Shampoo
simmered, muttering, "Ai-yah! That not on script
either! Why Akane improvising?!"
"Whoa I didn't know she'd do something like
that..." Ukyou murmured back, standing next to
Shampoo, "Looks more like something Ranko would
do..."
"If... if... whew... if you put it that way,
fine then!" Ranma sputtered, "My father had a friend
who lived near where we stayed during those years we
were away, I figure I could crash there for a
while..."
Shampoo's jaw dropped, she muttered, "Now
Ranma-sempai improvise!"
The lights dimmed, and the narrator spoke up
again, a trifle breathlessly, "Er... yes... So the
two young lovers fled Ryouga's estate. And moved into
their new home.
The lights came up again to show Ranma and
Akane smiling at each other, Ranma somewhat stiffly.
A scene of domestic harmony as 'Akane', now wearing
an apron and the golden comb in her hair, smiled
lovingly at Ranma.
"A year passed for the two of them... living as
man and wife in all but name. Their love grew by
leaps and bounds until they were practically
inseparable. But exactly a year to the very day..."
Ranma glanced out of one window, "Dear? There
is a palanquin outside with your father's crest!"
'Akane' gave a playful smile, "It means that it
is time for us to return home, my love."
Ranma turned to Akane incredulously, "Return?
You demanded that we leave and now we simply return?
Do you have any idea what he's liable to do to me for
running away with his daughter?!"
'Akane' winked saucily at him, "Do I hear
complaining?"
"Well... not precisely..."
"Do this one last thing for me, my love. Let us
return to my father. It is time."
"If... if you say so." Ranma said still
somewhat confused.
The stage darkened once more, a spotlight
focusing on the palanquin as it made its slow way
across the stage. The silhouettes of Ranma and Akane
obvious within.
From offstage, Akane stomped loudly next to
Ukyou, "Where is SHE?!" she whispered angrily.
"Akane? If you're here... who's in there?!"
Ukyou asked, glancing from the palanquin to the
furious Akane.
"Ranko."
"Wow, our make up department is good... she
looks just like you... but isn't she supposed to be
in a later scene?"
"I will KILL her." Akane muttered.
"Better not, sugar. Your scene's coming up.
Akane started, "Ohmigosh, you're right, scuse
me..."
As the palanquin reached the other end of the
stage, the lights came back on, showing Ryouga and
Natsume on the opposite end of the stage, sitting
quietly at a table. Ranma looked back into the
palanquin, "Why do you not alight? We are here."
"Not yet," came Akane's voice from the
palanquin. "Go ahead, speak to my parents. I shall
wait her until you call."
Ranma gulped nervously, "Are you certain?"
"Of course..." her hand slipped out from the
palanquin and pressed the comb into his hand. "If
they do not believe you as you tell your tale, my
love, show them this."
"Provided I have enough time to speak and he
does not kill me outright." Ranma replied, which she
answered with a wry chuckle.
He walked calmly across the stage. Behind him,
the palanquin slipped away. As he reached the table
Ryouga and Natsume were at, Ryouga surged to his
feet, a furious expression on his face as he shouted,
"YOU!"
"I'm dead." Ranma muttered loudly enough for
the audience to hear.
Ryouga rushed forward, charging at Ranma, Ranma
crouched, preparing himself for the worst, but as
Ryouga reached him, he clapped Ranma on the hsoulders
and said, "Where've you been? If you were so unhappy
serving under me that you needed to leave you
could've told me first. I would've given you
references."
"Ahh... er... so you're not mad?" Ranma smiled
disbelieving.
"Why would I be mad? A little disappointed in
you perhaps, but not mad. Would you like your old job
back?" Ryouga smiled.
"Bu-bu-bu-but... you're taking this awfully
calmly considering I just ran off with your daughter
a year ago..." Ranma blurted out.
Ryouga's face clouded in fury as he heaved
Ranma off the ground. Natsume rose to her feet
smoothly, frowning slightly, "Please do not make bad
jests, Ranma... our daughter has been in bed all this
past year. Sleeping so deeply that nothing we've done
has been able to awaken her."
"What? But that's impossible!" Ranma protested,
"We've been living together for all of the last year,
she told me I had to come back with her here... did
you not send the palanquin which fetched us?"
"We sent no palanquin," Ryouga replied, still
holding Ranma up.
"But it's right there!" as he pointed to the
other side of the stage where the palanquin was
already long gone, "Hey, where'd it go?"
Natsume placed an hand on Ryouga's arm,
"Perhaps his brain has been addled by his journies,
my husband?" Ranma thought she was purring the last
word slightly.
Ryouga frowned a bit, "Perhaps."
"Honestly! I swear it, she was with me, look!"
Ranma said holding up the golden comb, "See? It is
her golden comb... I've never seen her anywhere this
past year without it."
Both Ryouga and Natsume's eyes widened in
surprise, "It's impossible!" they said at once.
"What is?" Ranma asked stupidly.
"But that comb was burried with our firstborn
daughter, Ranko... how could you have it?" Natsume
said, looking flustered.
"But this is Akane's comb." Ranma protested.
Natsume persisted, "That is the comb which was
given as a brideprice for my firstborn daughter
Ranko... but she died of heartbreak before the groom
could come to her...
Ranma seemed staggered, "She did? But I was to
be her groom... my father and Lord Ryouga..."
"No... impossible..." Natsume seemed shocked.
Ryouga glowered, "Enough of this foolishness!
Follow me, I shall show you!"
As the lights dimmed, the three were caught in
a spotlight as they walked across the stage, they
doubled back, the light brightening again to see
Akane lying in a futon sound asleep.
"It is as we have told you. She has slept like
this for the past year." Ryouga said in a soft voice
which carried over the audience.
Ranma fell to his knees next to her, "But it is
impossible... she was with me the past year..."
Natsume shook Ranma by the shoulder, "Come with
me, young sir... we have disturbed her enough..."
As the three moved away from the sleeping
Akane, the lights dimmed once more, the spotlight
returning to the three of them.
"How can this be?" Ranma asked the parents.
"We are baffled." Ryouga replied.
"How could she have been with you and yet
sleeping here this whole time?" Natsume added to
their questions.
"Perhaps I can answer that," Akane's voice
spoke from out of nowhere. A second spotlight focused
on her, coming towards them from the opposite end of
the stage, she was dressed in beautiful layered
robes, totally unlike her bedclothes.
"You are awake!" Ryouga said, breaking into a
relieved smile.
"Yes father... and I am afraid I have a great
deal of explaining to do to Ranma and to both of
you..." 'Akane' (Ranma still wasn't certain if it was
the real one or Ranko again but the scene called for
Ranko) smiled demurely.
"Please do." Natsume said.
'Akane' shook her head once, her black hair
becoming red, and long braid cascading down her back
from out of nowhere, her features shifted subtly, "I
am not Akane, but the spirit of Ranko."
From the audience, gasps and murmurs of awe...
after all... this was certainly better effects and
make up than they expected.
Ranko smiled lovingly at Ranma, "I'd loved him
from even before I'd ever laid eyes on him... and I
love him even more now, having known him for so
long..."
"But we thought you were dead!" Ryouga
sputtered.
"I was and I am." Ranko replied, "But I made a
contract. That I be allowed one year to return to
this world from the next that I could spend it with
the man I loved..."
"But why did you look like Akane?" Natsume
asked.
"I could not allow anyone to know who I was,
not even my beloved..." as she stroked Ranma's face
gently. Her eyes shining with emotion.
Ranma couldn't help but swallow
involuntarily... she isn't just acting... she really
means it, he thought.
"So I struck a deal with my sister... that I
would borrow her face and form. For the one year I
would spend on this world..."
"So... all this time... I was with you..?"
Ranma asked in a dumbfounded tone.
"Yes, my love. But now my time is up... and I
must return." Ranko continued, "I have loved every
moment that we spent together, Ranma. Every single
one. I do not regret this past year.
"But..." Ranma felt odd... almost as if she
trully were speaking to him. And not merely acting
out her role... she couldn't be THAT good an
actress... could she?
"I have two last requests," Ranko said to
Ranma, "I ask you not to mourn for me but to remember
me only with happiness."
"Yes.
"Second, I wish for you to marry Akane when I
have gone. For while I shared her face and form, she
has also shared my feelings and thoughts... she loves
you too. As deeply as I."
The three stood mute. A palpable silence had
descended on the audience as Ranko slowly lifted off
the ground, floating perhaps a foot.
Ranko turned to Ranma, leaning towards him and
kissing him gently on the lips, "Four, Ranma. Four
stolen kisses," she whispered to him, no one else
hearing, "Each sweeter than the last... how I'm going
miss you."
"Ranko..." Ranma called out softly, his voice
little more than a whisper.
From offstage the two freshmen in charge of the
winch gave the awed, though approving Shampoo a tap
on the shoulder. She turned to them and whispered,
"Ai-yah! Why you two not at winch?! What if Ranko
have go up more?!"
"That's what we came here to tell you! It shut
down, the winch doesn't work!"
"So how Ranko flying?" Shampoo asked, turning
to look back at the stage.
Everyone else merely watched.
"Goodbye." Ranko said softly, spreading her
arms, her body limned in light which cut through the
audience.
All anyone could do was watch.
From the audience Kasumi's eyes widened in
surprise, "Oh my... this is much too early!"
The little girl with the long black hair in the
charming black dress next to her simply smiled
sweetly, "Looks just right to me..."
From the wings, Nabiki signalled to Kasumi
frantically, "It's too soon!" she mouthed.
Kasumi could only shrug helplessly and watch in
wonder.
There was a final bright burst of light that
caused everyone to sheild their eyes as Ranko
vanished from sight.
Ranma, Ryouga and Natsume, stood on stage,
staring blankly at the spot where she had vanished.
Ryouga murmured desperately to Ranma, "Was that in
the script?"
"How'd she do that?" Natsume whispered to them.
As the lights brightened again and Akane
stepped close to the group, "Hello, everyone. Hello,
Ranma." She smiled tentatively.
"Akane... that is you, right?" Ranma asked
uncertainly. He didn't understand what was going on.
Akane nodded, moving towards him. "Yes..."
there seemed to be a subtle change to her. He
couldn't place it for certain, but somehow... he
shook his head clear as he and Akane met in an
embrace.
"Um... this is yours, I think." Ranma said to
her, pressing the comb into her hand. Her eyes lit up
in recognition. There was a feeling... a curious
sensation as if everything in the universe had
suddenly gone 'click' as the pieces all slid into
place.
She grasped it tightly in her hand and looked up into
his gray eyes, her voice a whisper, "I love you."
Ranma stood in shock... he stared at her face,
the face that had become so dear to him that he knew
it better than his own, every line, every feature,
from her goddess markings to her beautiful eyes... he
knew for certain she had meant that. He knew to the
depths of his soul that this wasn't acting. This was
real. That was truth. The rock hard foundation of his
entire existence, "I love you." He whispered back,
with complete certainty.
They simply stood for a moment, eyes locked,
savoring the closeness and intimacy despite the
audience. Everyone else had ceased to matter, there
was only the two of them. Ranma leaned his head down.
Akane lifted her lips to his.
They kissed.
The long months of fear and uncertainty and
hesitation forgotten.
All that they'd gone through together... all
for this moment.
The years of waiting ended.
Time stopped.
And then time roared anew as the applause broke
out simultaneously everywhere.
Kasumi joined in the applause, but there were
tears in her eyes... beside her the little girl had
vanished... thought the curtain slowly began to come
down on Ranma and Akane's kiss... Kasumi knew with
absolute unshakable uncertainty that the final
curtain was still to come.
To be concluded...
-----------------------
To Part 10
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