Nightmarish Crossovers

	I know that a lot of you must be tired of usual disclaimers, but
nevertheless I somehow feel obliged to say it...... *DEEP BREATH* This
story was not meant for a profit. All the characters belong to
respective owners. This was written without anybody's permission, but
the author claims no responsibility nor copyright. This can be
distributed freely, but it is not to be used outside of nonprofittable
entertainment. There, you can all unplug your ears now.....
	Comments would be appreciated. Criticism will be praised.
Ignorance awaits flames. Letter bombs will be returned. If you send me
cash, checks, or your credit card number, I will worship you! I can 
be reached at [email protected]. Or just visit my homepage at
http://www.fortunecity.com/marina/thunder/181/index.html.



	<Rotten sashimi... again?>
	Akane Tendo had many reasons for disliking her father's teacher,
Happosai. Frequently receiving sexual harassment is usually enough for a
girl to hate a person.
	<Smelly ricecake. Drat.>
	But this time, her fabled temper was on loose not because of a
grope by the ancient pervert.
	<Bitter juice. Grrr.>
	Rather, it was because of his recent attempt at magical mischief.
	<... Spicy cake. How the hell do you make a cake spicy?!>
	Consequently, she was now stuck in this strange, alien world,
acting out the role of one of protagonists.
	<'Awful stew'? Can it get more insulting?>
	The character she replaced wasn't bad, actually. She even had a
superficial resemblance to her natural form, what with short blue hair
and all.
	<Shriveled salad... At least it's edible.>
	Her fighting ability actually improved, thanks to the character's
setting. And the new healing powers she also acquired was very cool.
	<Former milk? Okay, that does it! How long do you think you take
to spoil, stupid dairy product!? I was cooking only for a minute!>
	It's just that Rena Lanford was supposed to be a good cook... and,
as much as she hated to admit it, she was far from that. Very far.
	Claude, Dias, Bowman, and Celine peeked around the kitchen door,
found that Rena was still in her 'slump', and decided to order a take-
out. Later, they suffered the fate of Mallet Therapy.



	Nabiki Tendo never liked dying. Especially when it involved losing
all of your weapons save for a wimpy pistol, all your power-ups, and a
forced return to the beginning of the stage.
	Oh, and pain. Lots and lots of it. But after duking it out with
fire-spouting imps (Oh, how she missed the poetry-spouting swordsman she
was used to dealing with!), giant minotaurs, and various other ugly
bastards from hell... uh, hell-bent on killing her, she had gained the
ability to ignore it. At least some of it.
	<When I get out of this hellhole, I swear, I'm going to put
Happosai through the same ordeal. With 'Cho-Aniki'. Then I will burn my
Playstation 2. And Dreamcast. And Nintendo 64. And Playstation. And
Saturn. And... say, I wonder how the others are doing?>



	Kasumi Tendo was a nice person. Abnormally so. This was the main
reason why she almost always managed to avoid being affected by the
recurrent insanity in Nerima. People just weren't willing to harass
her.
	Thus, it could be understood that she was major-time confused
right now, dealing with a certain unreasonable turtle.
	"But... Mr. Bowser, you are only making everyone, including
yourself, unhappy by kidnapping me..."
	"SHADDUP, TOADSTOOL!! THIS TIME, I'M GONNA LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON
THAT DUMB PLUMBER MARIO!!"



	Shampoo generally had high opinion of herself. This is expected
when one is the prized great-granddaughter of the highest matriarch of a
tribe, not to mention the best fighter in the village. Even after
meeting Ranma and many other superior fighters, her ego was still
intact.
	Until now, when a samurai was beating the crap out of her, right
into...
	*SPLASH*
	"RING OUT!! MITSURUGI HEISHIRO DEFEATS XIANG HUANG IN A BRUTAL
COMBAT!"
	"Meow! Myaaa!"
	Translation: *CENSORED*.
	Yes, her confidence was indeed taking a big beating in the 16th-
century world.
	She could only hope that beating the game (or winning the
tournament, in her case) would return her to her home world.



	<When I see that blasted Nanban Mirror again, I'm going to make
sure it's reduced to atomic particles. No, smaller.)
	Ukyo Kuonji never really liked videogames. She much rather
preferred experimenting new recipes for okonomiyaki, or training in her
style of martial arts.
	Right now, she was seriously considering supporting an anti-
videogame campaign some government officials liked to rant so much
about. Or at least, sue Sony for making this game in which she was
trapped in.
	"ARRRRGGHHH!! Ican'trapforthelifeofme! Someonegetmeoutofhere,
beforeIgoinsaneandgetstuckinthefirstlevelforever!"
	"Hey, you finally did it, Ukyo! That's the spirit!"
	Ukyo sincerely wished that she had her kick-ass spatula to chop
the annoying dog-like creature into tiny itty bits.



	"JUST HOW DEEP IS THIS BLASTED DUNGEON!? WHERE THE HELL IS THE
EXIT!? WHY CAN'T I EVER FIND A STAIR GOING UP!? WHAT'S WITH ALL THE
STUPID MONSTERS!? AND WHAT WAS THAT YELLOW DODO BIRD DOING IN THERE!?
DAMN YOU RANMA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"



	Ranma Saotome often has been accused of being a playboy. Most
ignore the fact that prior to coming to Nerima, he had few chances to
communicate with females. Thus, even though he had long since gotten
used attention from pretty girls, he still had trouble saying no to
them.
	Which was why he was feeling VERY doomed right now.
	<I need to make, what, a dozen girl fall in love with me? That's
no problem... Simultaneously, that is. Seperately, on the other hand...>
Ranma shuddered violently. <AND I have got to keep them from getting
jealous and ruining my reputation. Oh, man...>
	The fact that his life experience had somehow carried over to
his game-alter-ego and maxed out his health, athletics, guts, and
appearance ratings should have made things easier... But it didn't. It
simply meant that more girls would take notice of him, which lead to
even more potential jealousy bombs to diffuse.
	<I'm gonna kill Happosai. I'm gonna kill Happosai. I'm gonna->
	"Is something wrong, Ranma-kun?"
	Ranma shook his head, both to return to the nightmare that passed
for his current reality and to convince the bane of his existance that
nothing was wrong, really. "Nothing, Shiori. Let's just head home."
<Great. Just great. When am I going to make it back home?>



Author's rants: Okay, by this time, you're probably confused as hell
just what this fic was about. In a nutshell, I tried to imagine just
what sort of games Ranma 1/2 characters would HATE to be in, just for
fun. I will describe the obscure jokes, in the order they appeared:
	Star Ocean - A very good RPG from Enix. The heroine, Rena, loves
to cook, and regularly does so for her travelling companions. It's also
worth noting that she faintly resembles Akane: short blue hair, short
skirt, somewhat short, and short temper. Now, how would Akane feel if
she was put into a position she always wanted - being trusted to cook
wonderful foods - only to find out that she STILL can't cook?
	Doom - Or any other clone of this genre, for that matter. Can Nabs
handle a GENOCIDE, even if it's demons and zombies? (If you want to know
about what 'Cho-Aniki' is... well, let's just say that it's probably
the sickest game in existance. I decline to say more.)
	Mario - If you need this described to you, you seriously need to
consider moving out from Antarctica. Kasumi is used to people listening
to her, and definitely not used to being the damsel in distress. And you
can assume that Bowser treats Princess Toadstool none too courteously...
	Soul Caliber - THE fighting game of 1999. Takes place in a
medieval world, with a whole bunch of warriors searching for a sword
called Soul Edge. While this isn't the fireball-crazy fighting game
like, say, Toshinden, it's still intense enough to give Shamps more than
run for her money.
	Parappa the Rapper - Never actually tried this. ^_^; I have never
heard someone with a Kansai dialect masterfully rapping...
	Chocobo's Mysterious Dungeon - Squaresoft's mascot bird goes on
an adventure. The place? An adequately named Mysterious Dungeon, where
no floor stays constant. You also can't get out of there until you die,
get the treasure you're seeking, or use a special spell. Let's see how
long it takes for Ryoga to do one of those...
	Tokimeki Memorial - You have heard of it, right? The ultimate
proof that you're a lifeless otaku. Seriously, you have to get a girl to
fall in love with you within a span of three years of high school, all
the while building your stats to impress the ladies. Charming a girl
isn't the hard part; it's keeping the other ones from getting too angry
at you for ignoring them. In fact, one of the key strategy in the game
is to avoid meeting extra girls as much as possible. The very picture of
nightmare for our favorite casanova, isn't it?
	Oh well, if you have read so far, thanks. I hope this gave you
at least a chuckle. The reason I wrote this? I felt that I needed to
justify my internet pseudonym.