Martial Artists and Mayhem: Third Edition
A Ranma 1/2 / Slayers / Tenchi Muyo crossover
Part 1: Here Comes Ranma
By Thrythlind
In the border city of Nerima in the kingdom of Tokyo, the head of a small monastery read the scroll the herald had just delivered to him.
Bringing Ranma from Qinghai.
Saotome.
The man began openly weeping as he reread the small message over again.
"R-Ranma? Coming here?" the mustachioed man said indisbelief. "Oh, how I've waited for this day!!"
"Excuse me, Master Tendo," the herald, a skinny young man by the name of Gosunkugi, cleared his throat and held out his hand waiting for the tip, trying to ignore the sight of a grown man crying.
The little man was still glancing about trying to catch sight of the Soun's youngest daughter. He thus failed to notice when Soun Tendo, not realizing the herald was still there, slammed the door closed. Resulting in Gosunkugi lying flat on his back.
"Kasumi!! Nabiki! Akane!" Soun rushed through thesmall grounds of the monastary. Kasumi was the easiest to find, the young priestess of Belldandy wasin the kitchen preparing supper. "Kasumi!"
"Yes, daddy?" Then Soun was off looking for his other daughters. He stopped at the entrance to hismiddle daughter's room.
"Nabiki!" The diviner, priestess of Xellos, and Soun didn't want to know what else she might be, turned to look at him where she was lounging on herbed and reading some book of hers.
"Mmm?"
"Akane!! Where is that girl?"Meanwhile a long haired girl in a loose training outfit, an unassuming symbol of Ryoko bouncing with her stride. She tramped in through the open gate, incidentally trampling Gosunkugi who was trying to stand up finally.
"She touched me," the poor abused herald said cheerfully.The girl was instantly into the dojo part of the complex and trading out her running clothes with a martial training gi. In the next moment she shattered the brick she had just set in front of her.
"Ahhhh! That was nice," Akane sighed in relaxation.
"That's Akane for you," a dry feminine voice said behind her. Akane turned to see her sister striding toward her. "Obliterating poor defenseless bricks, I'm certain that will help you oh so much in obtaining a husband."
"What does that matter to me? Not everybody thinks the world revolves around men, Nabiki.""Oh, that's right, you serve the goddess of mindless violence." Akane's eye twitched.
"That's Rage," the younger girl said tightly, eyes twitching at her sister's normal jibe..
"Whichever," Nabiki said with a smirk, shrugging as she strode out of the dojo. It was only a few minutes later when Akane's voice was heard throughout the monastary and a little beyond the walls.
"FIANCEE!!?"
"Yes, the son of a very good friend of mine," their father explained. "The son's name is Ranma Saotome. If one of you three girls were to marry him, and carryon this monastary, then the Tendo family legacy would be secure."
"Wait a minute!" Akane shouted angrily. "Don't WE have some say in who we marry?"
"Akane's right, Daddy. We've never even met Ranma. And we're all priestesses. What if one of our..." Kasumi paused. "What if Belldandy objects to him."Nabiki ignored her older sister and continued to drink her tea.
"Hey!" Akane snapped.
"That's easily fixed."
Elsewhere, on the edge of Nerima, the commoners watched in confusion, and a little worry, as what looked like a giant white and black bear chased a redheaded girl through the street. Suddenly the bear swiped at the littler girl who easily leaped over theattack.
"Hey! Stop that!"
"Umm, is that a bear?" somebody asked. "It's a panda, I seen one of em back when I was a soldier." The panda took a fighting stance and the towns people looked on in confusion. Still, this was Nerima, on the border of Tokyo. The weirdest place of a weird kingdom.
"Your move, old man," the redhead said. The panda launched an attack forward which the girl easily dodged. "I still say this whole thing is stupid!" The girl caught the panda's paw and flipped the beast over her head. "Picking my fiancee for me, without even asking!"
The redhead stood over the panda a few seconds glowering and huffing.
"Did you even bother telling them what they're getting into?" she demanded. "I'm going back to looking for Mom, I'll bet she doesn't know about this, does she?" The girl hefted a large pack, seemingly much too large for her, and started walking off. She didn't notice when the large panda stood up, uprooted a small tree and turned to whack her on the head.
The panda picked up the redhead and slung her over his shoulders. He sighed, knowing there was no way to convince her to switch now. Maybe he should have waited to tell Ranma about the engagement until they had met everyone. Then Ranma wouldn't obstinately be staying female. Well, this called for an appropriate story to give Soun. Then the panda noted all the people staring at him.
"Growf! Growf!" the small crowd backed away quickly from the roaring panda and decided to find something else to do. Though one or two went for their homes and a silver weapon or two they had stashed away. The panda shuffled away grumbling something about busybodies.
Ranma and his father have been on a voyage of training," Soun continued to explain. "Recently they passed through Qinghai."
"Wow! Qinghai!" Nabiki was mentally rubbing her palms together. There were some places in Qinghai that she was interested in finding, and with the proper guide, fiancee or in-law, it would be much easier.
"What's so great about Qinghai?" Akane asked.
"Is he cute?" Nabiki cooed.
"How old is he? Younger men bore me," Kasumi declared serenely.
"What kind of guy is this Ranma?" Kasumi and Nabiki choursed. Soun laughed for a moment and then spilled his guts.
"No idea."
"'No idea'?" Nabiki repeated, and considered dipping into her prepared spells.
"I've never met him." The three girls stared at him.
"Leggo y'ol fool!" a voice rang out. Kasumi half stood while everyone turned towards the sounds from the front of the compound.
"We have visitors," the eldest Tendo declared.
"Oooo! It must be Ranma!" Nabiki shouted rushing to meet the new fiancee.
"Saotome, my friend!" Soun shouted, moving just behind his middle daughter. "We've been waiting!"
~Oh, I hope he's older!~ Kasumi thought, adjusting her hair.
~How depressing, men!~ Akane hmphed, staring at the ground. Kasumi and Akane's slow progress to the front stopped as Nabiki and their father came barrelling back around the corner followed by a giant bear carrying a struggling person.
"Hey, yo!" the panda's burden shouted. "You're scaring 'em spitless!"
"Daddy," Kasumi said nervously. "This...is your friend?" The older man shook his head furiously.
"Oh. So this...PANDA just decided to visit!" Nabiki shouted. "Happens all the time!"
The panda set down its package, who stared up at the shocked older man with a rather blank expression.
"You...wouldn't be..." Soun said pointing.
"Ranma Saotome," Ranma shrugged, nodding. "Sorry 'bout the old man."
"At last!" Soun shouted. "You've come!"
"Oooo! He's cute!" Nabiki sighed, almost feminine in fact.
"Its so good of you to come so---!" The redhead's pigtail actually stood up as Soun embraced her. Then Soun cut off and stared out into space before shoving the smaller person away from him and taking a closer look at Ranma, who now had a glazed look in her eyes.
"Hmm?" Nabiki glanced forward and noticed the shape of the visitor's chest, before poking at something that didn't belong an a man of any age.
"Umm," Ranma started to say. "Could you..." Nabiki gave one last squeeze to be completely sure, and turned towards her family as Ranma's eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.
"'He' is a girl," Nabiki indicated irritably, only to watch her father join their visitor in unconsciousness.
Soun woke up to the sound of his daughters talking.
"Oh. Poor daddy," Kasumi sighed as she wrang out some damp cloths. "He's so disappointed."
"HE'S disappointed!" Nabiki shouted, ruination of a good plan always seemed to bring out the worst in the middle Tendo. "Some fiance this is!" Not that Xellos wouldn't accept it, or that she wouldn't have fun, but there were other considerations. It would certainly place her out of the contention for any sort of inheritance. Blood heirs were important, and, without a shapechanging spell, two women would never have one.
"Hey, what if he...she wakes up?" Akane insisted. "She is out guest!"
"This is all your fault, Daddy!" Nabiki shouted. "You should have made sure!"
"Well, he said he had a SON!!" Soun exlaimed from where he was lying down.
"Do you see a son here?" Nabiki demanded grabbing their fainted guest and propping her where Soun could see the redhead. Then she patted down the offending pieces of anatomy, not caring that the redhead snapped awake.
"Ooo, que-wha-huh?" the redhead spoke, almost. Then she glanced at Nabiki. ~I think I found dinner.~ She thought irritably.
"Hmm? Do you?"
"Hey, could you," Ranma's face started turning red again. "Please stop that?" Akane turned to look at the scene in alarm and glared at Nabiki, who irritably released the redhead. The long-haired girl softly shook the redhead, who appeared to be quickly on her way to another faint.
~Wow, she must be really sensitive,~ Akane thought. "Hey. Join me in the dojo?"
"Huh?" Ranma blinked once and shook her head clear.
"I'm Akane," she said smilingly. "You want to be friends?"
~Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea,~ Ranma thought, smiling a little. He hadn't had a friend for a long time. She was kind of cute too, and the redhead was almost regretting showing up a girl.
"You practice unarmed styles?" Akane asked.
"A little." Ranma admitted.
"Then let's have a little match okay?" Akane suggested, she noticed her guest looking a little nervous. "Just for fun. Don't worry. I won't hurt you."
"If you say so," Ranma said quietly.
Akane watched curiously as her opponent stayed out of stance, and then shrugged before lashing out with fist. The smaller girl easily jumped over it, and Akane shifted her motion to lash out with a kick at the airborne girl. Surprisingly, the redhead managed to hold aloft, and even rise a little in altitude, to stay over the kick.
~Hey she's good,~ Ranma noted.
After Ranma landed, Akane lashed out with another fist-kick combination.
"What's wrong?" Akane demanded. "Swing at me!" She lashed out again and Ranma dodged. ~Why...why am I missing her? Is she reading my...~ Akane's eyes narrowed. ~...mind.~
~Uh, oh,~ Ranma swallowed and laughed nervously as bad limmericks started floating through Akane's surface thoughts.
Ranma relaxed as Akane's eyes narrowed and felt a spike of magic. Akane may have caught on to her little trick, but she was still looking to make a point. Akane lashed out again as Ranma leaped up and over her. A section of the stone wall that had been behind Ranma shattered to dust as Ranma landed behind her, and lightly tapped her on the back of the head.
~She did that without magic,~ Akane turned to look at the smaller girl in surprise. The little girl laughed good-naturedly, and soon Akane was joining her.
"You're pretty good," Akane said. "I'm just glad you're a girl."
~Hmm,~ Ranma turned to look at Akane. ~She doesn't feel like she swings that way.~
"Its just..." Akane paused. "I'd really hate to lose to a boy!" Ranma glanced at where Akane had pulverized some of the wall.
~I might be safer as a girl after all,~ Ranma decided as Akane left the dojo.
Ranma cracked her knuckles and looked about to make sure no one was watching and reached out to the hole in the wall. A dark aura surrounded the redhead's hand as guttural and harsh words whispered out, as the spell faded away the wall was revealed to be whole again.
"Oh, I didn't know you spoke the Abyssal tongue," a soft voice said behind her. Ranma winced as she turned to face Kasumi and smiled in embarrasment. "I thought most arcane magic used Draconic, though."
"It's a family thing," Ranma said, embarrased. Kasumi was about to push the issue, when Ranma was saved by the grabby girl from before.
"Hey, Kasumi, who's that old guy with Daddy?" Ranma said nothing, obviously the old man had found some hot water somehow.
"Got me," Kasumi said before turning back to Ranma, who was staring wickedly at Nabiki. The middle Tendo arched an eyebrow and shrugged, not noticing the look Ranma was giving her, before leaving. "Try not to be too angry with Nabiki, she's a diviner and priestess of Xellos. She doesn't take being surprised well."
"She works for Unc..." Ranma snapped his mouth shut. ~Well, I wasn't going to do anything permanent...~
"Hmm?" Kasumi asked. "Ranma, don't you think you should take a bath?" Ranma lifted and arm and sniffed, realizing that it had been several days since she'd had the chance. "After all you must be all sweaty from your workout."
"Okay," Ranma agreed. ~It might give me a chance to figure this out anyway.~
"We even have our own hotspring," Kasumi said encouragingly.
"Really," Ranma said happily. A hot bath without having to cast a spell was too much to turn down. She was off like a rocket.
The redhead settled into the hot water, sighing as she relished the hot water.
"This is heaven," Ranma said as she considered the problem. Namely his father. "He's sure to come up with some crackpot story to explain me and get the engagement on." Ranma considered that irritably and her thoughts drifted to the long-haired girl he had sparred against. Unnoticed to the young being, certain bits of anatomy changed as her, now his mind wandered.
"Akane!" Nabiki called out. "Bath's ready!"
"Thanks." Akane said smiling.
~Well, I can always just be her friend,~ Ranma thought to himself. Unbeknowest to the young half-demon, another person was making ready to join him. ~That should be enough of a soak.~ The door flipped open, revealing a naked Akane staring at him in shock. That wasn't right, Ranma knew he had left the sign out. He suddenly was very aware of certain reactions going on and looked down.
Due to his heritage Ranma was, as Akane put it, very sensitive and reactive. Sometimes it was too much for his human blood, and he'd faint from sensory overload like earlier. Also, despite his mother's occaisional influence, he was rather shy when it came to anything past the flirting necessary to trick a meal...err...pervert to temporarily part with some life force. As he realized what was going on, Ranma's mind froze and he stood and watched as Akane left the room. A few seconds later there was a loud scream followed by a string of curses and running feet.
"Uh, uh, uh, uh," Ranma stuttered. "How do I explain this. Damn it, Mom told me never to let me mind wander too much! Umm, so how do I explain the gender switching." He ruffled his hair and remembered something he had almost not noticed earlier, a certain holy symbol. "Akane's one Auntie Ryoko's priestesses." Ranma hastily went back to coming up with an explanation as thoughts of being mangled or char-broiled ran through his head.
"Hi, my mother is a succubus that had an accident with a helm of opposite alignment, and I inherited the dual gender. Nope, can't say that. Think, think," Ranma paused and stared at the hot water spring. "Stupid hot bath, distracted...THAT'S IT!!!...hot water...I could say I have a curse like the old man's!!~
"There's a pervert in the bathroom!" he heard Akane shout. Ranma winced and quickly got dressed in his light travelling outfit before leaving the hot spring and heading for the sound. "Because I'm afraid!"
"Who are you?" Nabiki asked him as he came around to see Akane wielding a huge rock. Ranma almost blanched.
~Gee, where does Auntie find them?~ Ranma asked himself. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this." He noted his father looking at him oddly and gave subtle "play along, I'll explain later" gesture. Genma nodded, but neither noticed Nabiki arching an eyebrow.
Martial Artists and Mayhem: Third Edition
Part 2: Ranma's Secret
By Thrythlind
"What are you up to, boy?" Genma asked as he pulled Ranma aside. "I was all set to tell them that you were your sister when you pull this."
"Oh, yeah, that worked real well with Ryouga," Ranma shot back. "I got this covered." Genma twitched, a reaction not unlike Ranma had when his father said something similar. "I'll just say its like your curse." There was something nagging Ranma about this "solution" but he couldn't figure it out. He glanced back at the Tendo's and noted Nabiki staring at them.
"So you think you can catch every time you get splashed with water?" Genma asked quietly, also watching the Tendos waiting for them.
"How hard can it be to fix a trigger spell?" Ranma asked.
"So I guess that means your a man for now," Genma asked cautiously.
"Yeaah," Ranma said slowly, that nagging feeling was back. "What about it?"
"Nothing, let's just explain everything to the Tendos," Genma said quickly. Ranma started to push the issue when his father walked past him into the living room and took a seat. He cautiously followed, staring at Genma's back suspiciously.
"Are you ready, Saotome?" Soun asked from where he was sitting. Genma nodded as Ranma sat down next to him. "I'll explain it then. This is my dear old friend..."
"...Genma Saotome," the older man in the handkerchief said. "And this is my son..."
"...Ranma." Ranma noticed Akane glaring at him, chewing on a finger nail and clenching her other fist. Suddenly the nagging feeling came clear. He was a boy, that had just beaten Akane, virtually humiliated her in fact, and then "peeked" on her. Ranma glanced at her and swallowed nervously. The youngest Tendo was not happy.
"What's this all about?" Nabiki demanded, looking from Ranma to Genma.
"Are you really her," Kasumi asked. "That same girl!"
"Hmm," Genma put his index finger to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Where should I begin? I know..." Genma quickly turned to his son and tossed the surprised young man back into the courtyard. "HYAA!!" ~Well, Ranma, you wanted to be Jusenkyo cursed.~
"HEY!" Ranma called out as he sailed through the air towards a small koi pond. He was so surprised by the action, that he almost forgot about his plan. The airborne half-demon growled quietly as he landed in the pool. And came out a spluttering redhead. "What the hell are you doing?!"
The three Tendo girls stared in shock.
"Now he's a girl," Kasumi said, surprised.
"Ohhh. My own son, so humiliating, so humiliating," Genma said, weeping. Ranma twitched.
~Gee, great acting Pops,~ Ranma thought as she kicked the older man into the water and the giant panda returned. "Who are you to talk about humiliating!"
"Daddy, why are you friends with them?" Kasumi asked quietly, so as not to offend the guests.
"They weren't like this before!" Soun said, his old friend had told him about the panda curse and was about to explain Ranma when the noise started. Soun figured it out soon enough, however, and this demonstration proved his guess. "Not before they went to Qinghai...and undertook that terrifying training exercise."
"Here, Sir. Is legendary 'Training Ground of Accursed Springs.'" the speaker was a beardless dwarf, obviously an exile, in a civil servant's garb. Ranma looked over the training ground and twitched as he looked over all the springs. Everywhere he looked, magic was rising out of the springs as thick as steam.
He corrected that thought. There was when the Masaaki pantheon came to visit his mother, but that magic wasn't as hostile. Up until the Goddess of Nobility and Auntie Ryoko got into a fight anyway. Then everybody, including their mutual husband, took cover and waited for the two to either kiss and make up or collapse from exhaustion. Ranma never caught the end of the fight, they moved on to another plane of existence after the first thirty minutes.
"Are you prepared, Ranma?"
"Hey, Pop, I don't think this is a good idea," Ranma said.
"Are you going to let a few pools of water deter you from your proper duty as a martial artist?" Genma demanded. Ranma looked out over the pools again and turned back to Genma. "Are you a man or aren't...you?" Genma's voice dropped as he turned to see his daughter standing there.
"Guy or girl, I ain't getting close to that stuff," the girl said. She stuck out her tongue as she gave the older man a red eye.
"How you do that?" the dwarf asked curiously. "You fall in spring before?"
"Nah, just a spell," Ranma said hastily. What did she care if this guy saw her switch, it wasn't like they were going to be around for long. "What the springs change you into stuff?"
"Oh yes," the dwarf nodded. "This place very dangerous. Nobody use now. Is more than one hundred spring here, and every one have own tragic legend."
"Enough of this nonsense," Genma declared, striding forward. "There's nothing here but a bunch of poles stuck in some springs. Don't you think that I would know if there really were a curse on this place?" Genma asked as he made ready to jump into a pool to prove his point.
"Pop! Don't!" Ranma shouted blurring forward in an attempt to keep her father from the magic emanating from the pools.
The redhead was an inch too slow and had to leap back to avoid getting splashed by the water herself. She could already feel the magic reaching out to grab her. The tendrils of magic burned against her inborn spell resistance.
"Pop?" Ranma asked as she recovered her balance. Those wisps of rising magic, suddenly seemed much more than just the aura of a strong curse. They were part of it, trying to grab more victims. Suddenly the water surface erupted, and the magic of the area started whirling viciously again, as a giant panda leaped out of the pool and growling in irritation.
"That is 'Spring of Drowned Panda'!" the dwarf yelled. "There is tragic legend, very tragic, of panda who drown there two thousand years ago! Now whoever fall in that spring take body of panda!" Ranma leaped away from the spray of water again, as the guide backed a safe distance away from the pools. This time the pull of the magic on the redhead was much stronger.
"No way, I ain't going in there!" Ranma shouted as she felt her weak resistance giving in to the pull of the pools. The redhead desperately abandoned her human disguise. Instead of falling into the more actively magical pools as the seemed to plan, the redhead sprouted great batwings and pulled herself away from the cursed pools. She didn't land until more than a stone's throw away from the pools.
"AH!! You is demon you is!" the dwarf shouted as the winged girl landed and stared hard at the pools. Ranma reached beautiful sharp nailed hands out to pull up her gi top as her wings retreated and she took her completely human form again. The guide tried to run only to find the demon girl, in human form appearing in front of him.
"Oh please, Master Dwarf...Sir," the girl said, batting her eyelashes cutely. "I'm only half demon, and I really need your help getting my father out of this mess he's leaped into. You aren't afraid of a cute little thing like me are you?" The redhead added the last on a cute plaintive plea with a hint of tears.
"Certainly, can help demon stupid father as much as can," the guide said nervously.
"Wai!! Thank you, sir!" the redhead cheered cutely. Then she turned to the panda and shouted, "Pop, get away from there before you fall in another spring!" The panda irritably complied, shaking off the remaining water and grumbling every step of the way.
"...And I wasn't really paying attention after the change," Genma explained. "And I just had to take out my shock on something. So while Ranma was chatting with the guide about something, I attacked and tossed him in the 'Spring of Drowned Girl'."
The Tendos and Saotomes sat in silence in the wake of the tale.
"The legendary training ground of accursed springs," Soun said dramatically. "Its true horror has always been shrouded in mystery, but now..."
~I could have been turned into a panda,~ Ranma thought. ~Or a full human, or even...brrrr~ The pigtailed martial-artist shivered a little. "Whaddya mean 'true' horror?"
"Yo, old man," Ranma grabbed his father by the gi. ~Make me look like an idiot, huh?~ "What's the idea of dragging me to a place like that, anyway?"
"Heeyah!" Genma shouted as he tossed his son back into the pond.
~Damn, he's lucky I don't stoop to snacking on him,~ Ranma muttered as he, and then she, landed in the pool again.
"You sound like a woman!" Genma shouted. "Were you not prepared to give your life for the sake of your training?"
"My life, yes," Ranma said slowly. "My species is another matter!" The redhead splashed his father as she shouted. He didn't notice Akane twitch angrily, still aware of the various possibilities of what could have happened. The panda and redhead started rapidly exchanging attacks, reducing to growling and punches. ~Hmm, if you were half the man mom is sometimes, you'd stop those stupid comments, jerk!~
"Oh, what a tragedy!" Soun shouted, weeping a river of tears.
"Stop that!" Kasumi shouted angrily, and Ranma was impressed as the magic in the priestess's command washed over him and his father. Immediately the impromptu battle ended.
"You just went too far, Master Saotome!" Kasumi said, gripping the panda's arm.
"Yeah," Nabiki agreed, flatly. "Even for training." She was a lot calmer though, something didn't add up in the story, and she was trying to figure it out. Besides Ranma didn't seem quite as mad about the situation as she should have been.
"What EVER made you do something so dangerous?" Kasumi demanded loudly, the look in her face promising all the divine retribution a priestess of Belldandy could call down. Depsite known as a generally nice group of people, it was generally agreed that actually getting a Verdandi angry was about as intelligent as jumping into a volcano.
The panda hastily dropped a scroll to the ground, and the two elder Tendos were immediately distracted.
"Its a map in Sylvan," Kasumi said.
"Something about 'training grounds,'" Nabiki added. She took a moment to cast a language spell and continued reading. Ranma noted the priestess arching an eyebrow and glancing Ranma's way.
"No wonder," Kasumi said. "You can't read Sylvan, can you?!" Kasumi whirled to accuse the panda. The panda produced a small flag virtually shouting "correct!" to the world. Suddenly Soun appeared with a tea kettle and poured it over his friend.
"So," the other monk said. "When doused with hot water, you return to human form."
"Well, it needn't be quite that hot," Genma protested irritably. Soun ignored him and turned to the small redhead.
"When doused with cold water you become a girl," Soun said indicating Ranma, then tried to pour the same boiling water on her. "But hot water turns you back into a boy!"
"Hot water! Not boiling!" Ranma shouted. ~If I have to switch one more time, I think I might scream.~
"No sweat," Soun declared, a slightly mad look in his eyes as he clapped his hand on the small girl's shoulder. "Your problem isn't so terrible after all!"
"Huh?" Ranma asked. ~Does he know how irritating this going back and forth every few minutes is?~
"My daughter Kasumi. Nineteen. And Nabiki. Seventeen. And Akane. Sixteen," Soun declared, listing off his daughters. "Pick the one you want, she's your fiancee."
~I forgot about that,~ Ranma moaned quietly.
"Oh, he wants Akane!" Kasumi declared in a rare moment of panic.
"Eh?" Akane continued to sit in shock.
"Oh, definitely," Nabiki agreed quickly, for once, her mind had been locked in a state of shock. There was something about this she wasn't seeing yet, best to follow Kasumi's lead and shuffle Ranma towards the youngest of them. If later evidence proved her fears to be ungrounded, well, the agreement was that Ranma would wed a Tendo. It never specified which one.
"You must be joking!" Akane shouted, better aware how to deal with confronting Nabiki than she was confronting Kasumi. "Why would I be..."
"Well," Nabiki said slowly, as if touching on a delicate subject. "You hate men, don't you?"
"So you're in luck!" Kasumi said, grabbing a hold of that thread. "He's half-girl!"
"Me?" Akane said, insulted. "Marry that pervert?! Never!"
"Whaddya mean pervert?!" Ranma demanded.
"You saw me naked, pervert!" Akane reminded him.
"Hold it! You walked in on me!" Ranma retorted.
"Its different when a woman sees a man!" Akane answered, not sounding very logical.
"They're already a perfect couple!" Soun declared.
"We're not a couple," Akane snapped at the old men. "We're fighting! As for you..." Ranma was already leaving when she turned to face him.
"Ah forget it!" Ranma snapped.
"Where are you going, boy?" Genma asked narrowly.
"You know where!" Ranma snapped back. "This ain't no time to be getting married."
"By the way," Ranma turned toward Akane, venting frustration at the sudden loss of his new friend. "You took a pretty good look at me, too. Besides, it ain't like you got anything I don't got, and better besides." It was true, she was just built that way, all the better for survival. Ranma turned her back on the growling priestess and crossed her hands behind her head. Then the table flattened him to the ground.
"Now that he had coming," Genma said sagely. Kasumi and Nabiki looked on in frustration. Kasumi pouring tea onto the ground where a cup used to sit, and Nabiki spilled onto the ground.
Ranma crawled into consciousness, blinking her eyes open. Then snapped her head from the pillow underneath it.
"Ah!" Kasumi declared. "She's awake!"
"Oooo," Ranma sighed, gripping his head.
"Are you okay, we healed as much as possible," Kasumi continued. "But you seemed to be resisting it. Please don't think too badly of Akane. She's really a very sweet girl. She's just a violent maniac."
"He should have guessed that from the goddess she follows," Nabiki hmphed.
~Why that...that...that,~ Akane growled as she prepared for her delayed bath. ~Make a fool of me, eh?~ She recalled the "and better besides." comment, not to mention earlier when the jerk had implied women were a different species. ~That...that...man!~
"Owwww!" Ranma moaned irritably. ~It still smarts, Auntie at least has a sense of humor.~ The redhead walked into the changing room outside the hotspring and began to disrobe.
~Friends she says, so much for friends when she found out I can be a man! No way she'd like me as I really am!~ She started for the door to the hot spring when it suddenly slid open revealing a surprised Akane.
Akane suddenly started growling low as Ranma cringed, grabbing a towel to cover herself.
"Uh. Uh. Uh oh," Ranma whimpered.
"Why you..you...you..." Akane stammered angrily. Then the Tendo monastery rang with the sound of a slap.
"So she's got spunk," Ranma's father told his again male child. "That just makes a fiancee cuter."
"But you were both girls, right?!" Nabiki was saying in the next room. "That makes it okay!"
"Okay/Cute is not the word," two voices said together.
"I'm going to go stretch my," Ranma paused. "Legs." He stood up and started walking for the outerwall. Nabiki heard and narrowed her eyes in curiousity.
The last thug dropped to the ground in a drained heap, as Ranma released him. The little redhead sighed as she relished the drained energies of the accumulated thugs. It was always so much easier to get a meal as a woman.
"Don't try any extrenuous activity for a few days," she told the crumpled thugs sweetly. The half-demon stretched her wings out and yawned, revealing a pair of sharpened canines. "That tasted good."
"Well," a new voice added. "Aren't we full of surprises." Nabiki stepped out of hiding as her family's guest took flight into the sky. She glanced at the four bodies, normally masked, sprawled across the alley. She kicked at one of them and, upon recieving no response, reached down to check his pulse.
"Still alive," she said and picked up one of the thugs by the hair. The young thug, his fox mask up over his head, stared off into space with a goofy grin on his face.
"What a kiss," he muttered before Nabiki let his head fall back to the ground.
"How pathetic," Nabiki sighed and looked up into the sky. "Interesting...person."
Martial Artists and Mayhem: Third Edition
Part 3: I Hate Men
By Thrythlind
"Court?" Ranma repeated blandly, not believing what he had just heard. "Are you crazy?"
"Well, we ARE going to be staying a while," Genma noted.
"Yeah, and they require attendance from at least some members of the named families," Nabiki explained. "Akane and I both attend. We'll see you there. Unless you want people to start asking why you don't attend."
Ranma turned to the girl dressed in simple, but well made, court gown, and tried to find what brought on that last comment. As expected, he ran into a wall around her surface thoughts. Though the phrase "how much" wasn't quite what he was expecting.
"Nabiki, wait!" Akane called out. She was dressed much more practically, wearing an engraved suit of leather armor. A well made warhammer sung from a belt loop at her side. "I'll go with you!"
"Of course," Nabiki smiled. "But let's wait for Ranma so we can show him the way." Akane turned to look at the sourly glaring young man.
"Can't he find Furinkan Hall himself," she asked irritably. "It isn't exactly hard to do."
"Now, now, how would it look for us to avoid him like that?" Nabiki asked. "Hmm?"
"I'm here you know," Ranma muttered under his breath.
Akane glared once up at Ranma, where he was walking along the canal wall, as if he couldn't be bothered with the ground like anyone normal. The way he kept glancing into the sky confirmed that for her. As if he could really fly.
Ranma glanced back a moment and scratched his head, Nabiki was trailing behind them. It didn't seem like she was doing more than idly watching the scenery as they walked along, but that alone bothered him. He wasn't certain what kind of Metallium she was, Xellos' priesthood ranged the gamut of morallity, their patron being more concerned with knowledge and intrigue than anything else. The one constant was that they schemed.
"We're not going to get married, you know!" Akane said under her breath, so that her sister couldn't hear.
"Hey, I didn't agree to it either," Ranma said.
"So don't crowd me at the court," Akane said.
"Yeah, like I want to hang around an berserker like you," Ranma insisted. Akane growled and reared her warhammer back to get ready to toss it. The weapon never left her hand, however, as Ranma's father appeared out of nowhere to smack him on the head.
"Pop, what do you..." Ranma started.
"You're in no position to be choosy about women!" Genma shouted, Nabiki arched an eyebrow at the comment. "Listen, Ranma, I'll only tell you this once...." Genma was cut off as his son swept his feet out from under him. The older man fell straight down to the canal.
~I'm in a better position to be choosy than anybody else, you idiot,~ Ranma thought as he watched his father fall. He stared down at the panda and snickered. "What's wrong Pop, weren't you going to say something?"
The panda leaped up from the canal to the top of the wall eliciting a quick scramble from Akane and Ranma. Nabiki had already calmly stepped away from the probable region of battle. The giant panda swiped at his son, who easily dodged back, landing lightly several yards away from a chagrinned panda.
"Feeling a little heavy, Pop?" Ranma asked as an old woman was washing her walk a few feet away. "More so than usual, anyway." That was when a splash of water covered him. The half-demon looked down, at least the trigger spell worked.
"Nabiki!" Akane shouted at her sister.
"A little flat footed yourself, aren't you Ranma?" the elder Tendo snickered, though she wasn't too happy. She'd been hoping to catch Ranma not-changing.
"How's he...she....err Ranma supposed to show up like that!" Akane demanded.
"What's wrong with this?" Ranma asked. Then mentally slapped her forehead. ~Oh, that's right.~
"Well, you can't really go to court as woman, can you," Nabiki said. "Those clothes are bad enough as it is. I suppose we have no choice though, where could we find hot water in time. Can't introduce Akane's new fiancee as a woman either."
"Uh, she's a priestess of Ryoko," Ranma pointed out.
"What does that mean!" Akane demanded.
"He has a point, Akane," Nabiki said rubbing her temples. "Though that reminder did give me a painful image of you and the other resident Masaaki clerics."
"EWWWW!" Akane shivered.
"And do you really want to add a new demographic to the morning fun?" Nabiki added as Akane twitched.
"Listen, I'll just present myself tomorrow," Ranma interrupted, the conversation was making her hungry.
"No you won't," Akane snapped. "I'm not going to have a honorless vagabond about my family's monastery. Master Tofu is just up the way, we can get hot water there."
Ranma peeked around the carved column advertising the healer's services as Akane asked for hot water.
"Well, this is a wonderful way to start the day," Nabiki said dry pan. "So, are you feeling fine, Saotome? The...curse not giving you any trouble?" Ranma continued leaning against the column and turned to face the other Tendo girl.
"Why wouldn't I feel fine?" Ranma asked. She glanced around for something that could cause discomfort. There was nothing in the air, and the only magic she could see were some strong protection from evil spells about the clinic.
"I was just curious," Nabiki said, smirking. "Never met a shape changer before." ~Well, he's either not evil, or not a true Outsider. I'll have to run another tes...~ Both teens froze when a pair of bony hands clasped their shoulders. Turning around they saw a bleached white skull staring at them.
"AHHH!!!" they both screamed before moving. A black nimbus had started to form around Ranma's hands as Nabiki brandished her holy symbol in an attempt to rebuke the undead creature. Both actions fizzled as they saw the man holding the inert skeleton. The man did seem to notice the nature of power Ranma was drawing on though.
"Oh pardon me," the man said in a friendly tone. "Nothing to worry about ladies, just me and Betty."
"Master Tofu..." Nabiki growled.
"Ranma, here's the hot..." Akane said, coming around the corner.
"Well, Akane!" Tofu welcomed her.
"Oh," Akane gasped as her tone voice suddenly became much lighter. "Master!"
"Um...Good Morning!" She set the kettle of hot water on her currently female fiancee's head.
"Good morning to you," the tall man said, bow himself and his skeleton as the younger Tendo bowed as well. Ranma looked from Akane to the healer and back again. Nabiki herself watched Ranma as the redhead stood up straight and walked around a corner with the kettle.
~Was that...disappointment I saw?~ Nabiki asked herself, she was already bored with the usual tension between Akane and Tofu.
"You haven't been by lately," Tofu said. "No new injuries?"
"No sir," Akane said timidly. "I mean, I haven't been doing anything that would..."
"Interesting," Ranma said as the now male martial artist listened from around the corner. He had almost forgotten to use the water, a point that was emphasized as Nabiki started talking to his side.
"You realize that even if you find a way out of an engagement with Akane," Nabiki started. "That you'd be saddled on my other sister or I."
"We'll see about that," Ranma hmphed.
"So who was that?" Ranma asked as they continued on the way to Furinkan Hall.
"Master Tofu," Akane said. "The local healer."
"And general pest for an honest Metallium," Nabiki added with a touch of fond irritation. The middle girl was falling behind again.
"He's mastered some martial arts and magic too, hasn't he," Ranma added.
"Huh? How could you tell?" Akane asked.
"Yeah, I'm wondering that too," Nabiki admitted.
~I never even felt him coming,~ Ranma thought to himself. ~Its like he wasn't even there.~ He didn't actually answer though.
"He is truly very good," Akane said. "But he doesn't look like he'd be, does he? Ever since I was little, he's taken care of my injuries." Ranma hopped off the wall and started running by Akane. Nabiki started to pick up her pace to keep up, but couldn't help but to fall behind the other two.
"So," Ranma said. "Isn't he a man?"
"Yes, so?" Akane asked curiously.
"I thought you said you hate men!" Ranma answered back. Akane glanced down and considered that. That's when Ranma felt the presence of magic building, he glanced over at the priestess and saw her hands weaving an intricate pattern as they ran. The red glow of Ryoko's power flashed brightly once before she started talking.
"That's right!" Akane growled. Ranma flinced away from her as she became obviously more angry. "I...DESPISE..."
The grand structure of Furinkan Hall came into view and Ranma saw a mass of people rushing out towards them. As the two parties advanced, Ranma identified a mass of militia warriors charging toward them.
"AKANE TENDO'S HERE!!" one of the crowd shouted.
"Wha-?" Ranma raised his hand to his eyes to figure out what was going on.
"MEN!!!" Akane completed her rage-filled declaration.
"Akane!" somebody yelled. "Don't come any closer! They all want to BEAT you!" Ranma leaped away away from the crowd as Akane merely plowed through them.
"Out of my way!" Akane shouted. "I'm late!"
"No, Akane!" "I'll stop you!!" "I won't let another guy beat! I'll do it myself."
Ranma watched quietly from the outer wall of the main keep, moderately impressed. He'd never seen a true berserker before, much less one further empowered by martial training and magic.
"Huff, huff, You should huff get inside," Nabiki took a breath from where she half-limped to the wall under Ranma.
"But...but..." Ranma pointed at the massacre. "What's wrong with you?"
"I'm, huff, fine," Nabiki paused to lean against the wall and catch her breath. "And don't worry about Akane, huff, she does this every day." As Nabiki said that, the walking force of destruction that was Akane flipped back her hair and glanced about at her handiwork.
"Ryoko's Gems," she declared. "Every morning! What a drag!"
"Truly such a boorish lot," Ranma paused in his move to come down from the wall as the new voice joined in.
"Evidently each of them intends to court you, Akane," the tall young man said. Ranma noted the bokken he was holding and the stance. "On the dawn that he finally defeats you."
"Oh, Sir Kuno," Akane deadpanned, looking very weary suddenly. "Good morning."
"And now, Akane Tendo," the young man tossed the rose he was holding towards her, and brought his weapon up. "Might you fight with me?" Ranma landed next to her.
"Man," the pigtailed martial artist said. "You're popular, aren't you?"
"Stay out of the way," Akane snapped. "You'll get hurt."
"This doesn't look like your idea," Ranma noted. "What's going on?"
"You'll see," Akane said.
"You there!" Kuno shouted, gesturing at Ranma with his bokken. "You are being quite familiar with Akane!"
"Tell him, Akane," Ranma said. "Akane?"
"Tell him what?"
""Who are you boor?" Kuno shouted. "Ah! But is it not the..." A sudden silence descended on the ranting swordsman.
"Chill, little Kuno, I'm not interested in speeches right now," Nabiki said dryly as she walked by. The young woman was fixxing her hair and checked her gown to make sure she hadn't wrinkled it. "He's Akane's new fiancee. Well, I have business to attend to, ta! Oh, you can talk now." The swordsman was staring at the ground and shaking in rage.
"NABIKI!!" Akane screamed. "Why did you tell him that?!" The retreating girl shrugged off the demand.
"..accept your engagement to Akane Tendo, you fiend!!!" Kuno declared mid rant as Nabiki's silence spell ended.
"Huh, fiend? What do you mean fiend?" Ranma asked nervously as Kuno ranted on.
"Anyone who would stand between a righteous paladin of Tenchi Masaki and his true love must be a fiend," Kuno declared. "A veritable fiend of man, indeed." The swordsman lunged forward with a slash at Kuno that the younger Saotome easily dodged with a back-flip.
~This guy serves Tenchi?~ Ranma asked himself as dodged through the air. ~He feels more like a raving pervert to me. Mom had a word for guys like this, didn't she...cornucopiea or something like that.~
"I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan Hall," the swordsman raised his sword and a bolt of thunder struck down from the quickly darkening sky. "Shall keep you from hounding Akane." The swordsman lunged forward again and attacked.
"Hey!" Ranma dodged to the side as the wooden sword cleaved through the wall behind him. ~How'd he do that, he's not a true paladin, so what?~ "I ain't hounding nobody, its an arranged marriage, dork!" This was said from Ranma's perch on the side of a tree. The swordsman paused a moment to stare at the strange sight before attacking with his sword.
"Blast it!" the swordsman yelled as his target dodged again.
"Now hold a moment here!" Ranma shouted as he landed next to the tree branch, seeming to float to the ground. "Let me make this perfectly clear!"
"Eh?" suddenly the martial artist's face was almost rammed into the swordsman's own.
~Astounding,~ Akane declared. ~He was there before Kuno could blink, and he's still not using any magic yet!~
"I ain't after Akane!" Ranma declared
~This guy,~ Kuno paused in his thoughts as he grudgingly continued. ~Is good.~
"If you want a crazy woman who says 'friends' one moment," Ranma shouted. "And trys to kill you the next, you can have her!"
"Why you, PERVERT!!!" Akane shouted tossing her warhammer at the younger warrior.
"Would you stop calling me a p..." Ranma's demand was cut short as he saw the oncoming warhammer and Kuno slashed out.
"Speaking ill of Akane!" Kuno declared. "I forbid it!" The bokken connected with and sliced through Akane's hammer, finding no Ranma. Another crack of thunder split the day as Kuno looked up to see his opponent, darkened and indistinct against the intense light beyond. Ranma's left hand was curled into a semi-fist with two fingers extended, and he almost seemed to be hovering in the air.
A wide-eyed Kuno slashed up with his sword as those two fingers touched his forehead. The rain started even before Ranma landed. As for how the battle would have ended up, it was hard to tell. As Ranma touched down on the ground a hammer formed of red, blazing energy swung and hammered Kuno into the air.
"You BROKE my hammer, jerk!" Akane shouted, arms crossed as she directed the magical hammer to follow Kuno. She looked over to where her fiancee had landed, and eeped as she saw the young woman Ranma had become. Leaving her spell to its own devices, she grabbed the redhead and dragged her away.
"What did you do that for?" Ranma demanded.
"Look at yourself!" Akane explained gesturing at the breasts.
"Oh, that," Ranma shrugged as if it wasn't too important. ~This whole act is going to get very annoying.~
"Yes, THAT!" Akane snapped. "What was the deal with Kuno?"
"Hmph, I would have nailed that poseur in one..." Ranma started.
"Before you continue, take a look at your neck," Akane interrupted. Ranma complied and checked her neck.
"There's a bruise!" Ranma said, angry. "That jerk ruined my perfect complexion!! Ohhh, I'm gonna..."
"Are you sure you're not a girl?" Akane asked dryly.
"What do you mean?" Ranma asked, confused. Of course she was a girl right now, what else did she look like.
~Just how complete IS that curse?~ Akane wondered. "Anyway, considering what could have happened if he actually touched you with that stick, I'd say it was pretty even, wouldn't you?"
"Oh, I don't know about that," Ranma said, smirking.
"Let's just go get some hot water," Akane growled.
~Or at least privacy and a chance to fake it,~ Ranma mentally added.
Nabiki watched as Kuno examined his forehead in the mirror. He had come running into the study Nabiki usually habituated, followed closely by Akane's spirit hammer. The spell cut off a moment later and Nabiki had the dubious pleasure of healing the abused fighter.
"And you're telling me you didn't even feel him touching you?" Nabiki gasped. ~Amazing, I REALLY need to find out Ranma's motives quickly.~
"Hmph," Kuno said, rubbing the marks on his forehead. "And here I thought the man was good, when he can't even spell!" The man turned to a table and carved a series of symbols into the table. "It is spelled THIS way!"
Nabiki looked from the "boofun" on the table to the "buffet" on Kuno's head.
"Actually, little-Kuno," Nabiki said. "I think he put exactly what he wanted on your head."